Friday December 4th 2009 – Coping with sexual arousal and frustration while locked in chastity

This morning, i chose silver grey satin matching bra and thong to wear beneath my male outer clothes.  No lace today but cute little silver bows, one in the centre of the bra and the other in the front centre of the thong.  i love the sensual feel of satin against my skin and am really enjoying sleeping on the satin PJ’s i bought last week, so much so in fact that i am always reluctant to take them off in a morning, preferring to lie in bed as late as i dare and playing with my nipples through the cool, soft material.  Not that playing with my nipples in such a way is good for me. Quite the contrary, it increases my already aroused state and adds to my frustration at being unable to have an orgasm due to being locked in chastity.  Right now, i am feeling extremely aroused both physically and emotionally but the CB-2000 cock cage and chastity device is keeping me from gaining any sort of release or pleasure.  It keeps me in a constant state of arousal and awareness of my position and status as Mistress Ana’s sissy slave and keeps Mistress Herself in the forefront of my mind even though at the moment we are on opposite sides of the world.

As previous entries in this blog have demonstrated, there is no way i can bring myself to an orgasm without removing the CB-2000, something that would not only be a complete betrayal on my part of the trust Mistress places in me but it would also show failure and unworthiness which, at best would result in severe punishment from Mistress but at worst, could mean dismissal from Her service, something that i dare not even contemplate. i adore Her and love serving Her so much that to be dismissed would be more painful than the most severe beating She might ever inflict upon me.  And so, i carry the growing frustration with me along with the constant reminder of being entirely under the control of my Owner, Mistress Ana.

In idle moments during the day, this frustration returns so i try to keep busy.  If i am ever not busy, my distraction is always thoughts of Mistress and the longing for being back with Her and the relief that only She can give me.  Mistress Ana is acutely aware of the sensitive nature of my nipples and that they are almost hard wired to my cock and She has become skilled at driving me to orgasm by playing with them, teasing them, pinching them, sucking and biting on them with increasing intensity until and beyond the moment when my whole being is rocked by a climax that bursts out from deep within me.  These orgasms surpass any that i have ever experienced in masturbation and the memory of them and the hope for another on my return to Her is enough to help me through the times like now when my sexual frustration rises to a peak.

Saturday November 28th 2009 – Monday November 30th 2009 – frumpy knickers for comfort

Well, here we are on Monday as promised, the weekend over and survived.  Survived being the operative word.  At 4.00am on Saturday morning, the last thing i wanted to hear was my alarm but hear it i did and with very heavy eyelids, crawled out of bed, discarded my satin snakeskin pattern Pj’s for a basic white T-shirt bra and white cotton knickers rather than panties and then my male field clothes on top.  i had no sooner got into my field boots when the door bell rang, my taxi had arrived.  i chose the simple but decidedly unsexy white cotton knickers for comfort.  Experience previously of wearing sexy thongs or panties when out in the field and having to ride on horseback has taught me to keep to the simple and comfortable when in the field, especially with the CB-2000 in place.  The cotton knickers did have a front lace panel so it wasn’t all so mundane!

As for my health, i slept most of the 1 hour 20 minute flight and by the time i arrived at Cusco i felt almost human but still not 100%.  i was not looking forward to getting up high but had no choice in the matter.  i collected the hire vehicle and, along with my local prospecting partner, drove up from Cusco to our potential prospects where, to my discomfort found we had quite a climb to get from the road up to the mine workings we were to evaluate.  This is where i knew i would struggle.  i am not usually bad at altitude, a little slower than those who live there but i do not normally suffer headaches, nausea or fainting and dizziness.  Having been suffering from nausea for a couple of days, i was apprehensive about heading up the side of a mountain at over 4,000m altitude but nevertheless, i set off.  i was slower than usual but not too slow.  It began to rain heavily before we reached the mine workings where we sheltered for a while until the rain eased and finally stopped.  i was glad of the shelter and time to sit awhile and catch my breath.  At times on the way up, i had had to stop and let my head clear for i did go dizzy now and then.  No headache though, i am glad to say and, after checking over the workings and finding lots of coarse grained gold in the rock, i felt much happier on the way down.  The rain had stopped, the sun shone and going down was just so much less effort!

Once back at the car, we began the drive back to Paucartambo only to have the vehicle break down on the way.  We managed to crawl into a small village where we left the 4WD hire car and took a bus into Paucartambo, where we sent the night.  A small regional centre, Paucartambo has no real hotels just guest houses or hostals, none of which are particularly attractive and in the end, we had little choice, only one was prepared to offer us a room.  There was no water so a shower was out of the question (it would have been cold even had there been water!). We were able though to phone the car hire company in Cusco who were superb and sent a replacement vehicle out to us straight away.  Mind you, it was after midnight by the time they had driven the 3 hours from Cusco by which time i was exhausted and sound asleep.  Fortunately, i was able to delegate responsibility for dealing with the car hire people to my prospector associate.

It rained very heavily overnight and the following morning, as we drove out to our second set of workings to visit, the roads were treacherous.  Imagine driving narrow dirt mountain roads with drops of several hundreds of metres down to ravines when the weather is good and the roads dry.  It can be scary enough, especially when meeting a large truck coming in the other direction with no passing places!  Now think of it when the roads are just wet mud and the slightest touch on the brakes sends you into an uncontrollable skid.  Add to that, a driver locked into a chastity device that has got his scrotum pinched in a couple of places and he is unable to do anything about it as he drives along and you have a reasonable picture of Your’s truly behind the wheel.

Once again, we had a lengthy walk and climb to get to the workings and true to form, it was raining quite steadily as i stopped the car.  But on this occasion, by dint of a painfully pinched scrotum, i was quickly out of the car and walking off up the mountainside if only to try and get to a position where i could get my hand inside my knickers, the same ones as i had worn yesterday, and discretely adjust the CB-2000’s position.  i am happy to say that i managed to do just that and, as with the day before, i struggled up the mountainside to the workings where once again, we found significant coarse grained gold and were able to hold an impromptu meeting with the claim owners and negotiate a good deal for all.  So, once again, our descent was a happy one.

Our journey back to Cusco was difficult and in continuing rain and treacherous road conditions.  Several stretches of mud made driving the mountain roads very dangerous.  At one point, on a series of bends on the side of a mountain, i braked well in advance of the next bend only to feel the car sliding inexorably on towards the bend with no traction or sign of turning the corner.  My associate woke from dozing and was convinced we were going over the edge.  He thought i was crazy when i took my foot off the brake and let the engine try to slow us but it was the only way, the wheels had to find traction or we were finished and when they found traction they had to pull us round the bend.  i could see a low grassy bank at the edge of the drop and was gambling on the wheels finding some grip there and so they did.  As soon as the front wheels found the slightly firmer ground, the bit and the rear of the car swung quickly around and we were suddenly parallel to the drop and pulling away around the bend.  i still can’t believe how calm i was through the whole episode.  i did not panic but just followed instinct in trying to get the car around the bend.  We came very close to disaster but yet i never felt scared and remained calm, something which impressed my prospector partner.  Having said that, there must have been a lot of luck involved too – i might have used up another of my lives!

Overnight in my usual hotel in Cusco was luxury.  So nice to be able to soak in a hot bath and then rinse off in a stinging hot shower.  After that, my appetite, which had deserted me these last few days, returned with a vengeance.  So, in clean fresh but still white cotton knickers and a clean white lace bra, i went to my favourite little trattoria and tucked into a medium sized Calzone of the house, washed down with a Chilean red wine.  After struggling through the weekend, i was beginning to feel more like my old self.

i chatted at length with the lady who owns and manages the trattoria.  Over the last couple of years we have got to know each other quite well. i was astounded though when Her 3 daughters appeared after having been dining in another room with father.  It had been the youngest’s first Holy Communion earlier in the evening so they had been celebrating.  All 3 girls were attractive looking girls in their own right but my astonishment was at how mature and stunningly sexy the eldest daughter appeared.  Very much like her mother in looks but did she ever carry herself well.  She not only looked stunning but she moved in such a way as to be enticingly seductive and, i am sure that she was well aware of the effect she had on male onlookers.

Today, Monday, was another early start for an early morning flight and after thinking last night that i was well over whatever bug had ailed me, i was not so sure at 5.00am this morning.  However, it was most probably just the early rising and relative lack of sleep for having slept again on the plane, by the time i reached Lima i felt Ok.  Back in the office though, there was a mountain of email’s to work through as well as accounts to be brought up to date and so little time for chatting online.  i tried to catch up with Goddess Joyce on the phone but to no avail so i have no idea whether or not little Vincent has made his appearance.  i did get to chat with Mistress Ana, albeit briefly, but it was good to be back in touch with Her again and to make plans as to how i can get to Thailand either with or without my wife and how we might manage to have me serve Her while my wife was distracted on other things that Mistress had planned.  All food for thought and something for me to work towards for next September/October.

Wednesday November 25th 2009 – My birthday – In the pink!

Yes, my birthday!  Not that at my age it is anything particularly special but special enough for me to linger a little longer in bed this morning, teasing my nipples through the satin of my PJ’s and fantasising of what might have been had i been born in a woman’s body.  All quite arousing both phyisically and emotionally but not good for a gurl in chastity!  So, i did not linger too long but got up and shaved, showered and moisturised.  i treated myself to my twice weekly depilation, exfoliation and moisturisation and when i had done, added an extra splash of perfume before slipping into a lovely matching pink lace and mesh bra and thong set which i really love.  It had to be pink today of all days!  What a pity i had to be at work and so had to put on ugly male clothes over the top!  i wore the pink, grey and brown shoes that Mistress Ana brought me from Thailand which was appropriate because as soon as i got to my desk this morning She was online and we were able to chat briefly.  She was very tired and had had to delay Her departure for Thailand because the equipment She was taking proved too big for checked in baggage and had to be sent by courier.  As a result She was only wait-listed on the next flight so i am hoping all went well and that She has arrived safely.

We did discuss Mistress’ ideas for a forthcoming lunch She will throw for D/s friends and associates and She will want myself and Her other slave, Paul to be there to serve in all meanings of the word and She did intimate that it would be a cock and pussy feast!  i know that will mean giving oral service to Mistress and/or Her guests and it is something i have long fantasised about.  i have said before on these pages that being a slave in a situation that is entirely private is fine but there is something special when one’s servitude and devotion to an Owner is demonstrated publicly in this way.  Many would consider it to be humiliating and degrading but in essence it is quite the opposite for it shows strength of character and devotion to another that speaks volumes more than the average expression of devotion in a vanilla relationship.  When the time comes, i shall serve to the best of my ability in whatever manner Mistress requires for i consider myself to be an extension of Her body and will, an instrument for Her pleasure and am proud to be chosen for whatever purpose She considers me suitable.

Mistress and i also have been discussing a new local Chapter of an ClubFEM, an international organisation for Dominant Females and submissive males.  The FEM stands for “Females Enslaving Males.”  They plan to have social gatherings, both vanilla and fetish, and this will be another forum where i shall hope to be able to make public my servitude and position as slave belonging to Mistress Ana.  The Club has a silver pendant and Mistress has asked me to see if i can get a gold version made for Her while i am away,   a task that i shall carry out with pleasure.

TheClubFEM silver pendant

The rest of my day was like any other day at work and with so much going on at the moment as i try to generate business, quite hectic.  i worked into the evening even though it was my birthday.  i had planned on dressing fully “en femme” and venturing to a bar for a drink but it became impossible when my associate decided that he was not going anywhere this evening.  i could have gone out in male mode but saw nothing special in that so decided to just work on and listen to music while i did so, holed up in my room with the door locked where at least i could slip into a dress and wig, be my feminine self and catch up on some useful document preparations.

Tuesday November 24th 2009 – oh to be chained to a desk!

A busy day today with a number of meetings.  i chose the same olive-grey lace bra to wear today as i wore yesterday but today chose a lilac coloured thong.  Not exactly colour coordinated but then a gurl can’t have everything, especially with a limited wardrobe which, when travelling is even more restricted.

Chatted briefly online with Mistress Ana today.  she is preparing for another trip to Thailand and once again has a luggage allowance problem.  With taking so much equipment over to their clinic/resort there, each time She goes She is pushing the bounds of what airlines will allow.

No contact with Goddess Joyce today so am wondering about whether baby Vincent has decided to get his act together?  i will find out tomorrow no doubt.

One of my meetings today was with a corporate lawyer in his company’s offices.  i was met by a very attractive receptionist who bade me sit down and wait for the lawyer i was meeting to come through.  As i waited, female lawyers, legal secretaries and other female staff were busying around and all were stunningly attractive.  This is not unusual here in Peru where women always make the best of themselves and manage to look good at all times but it is also something i notice about the offices of all the lawyers i have met here.  All of their women are beautiful with stunning figures and are expensively and elegantly dressed.  i was sat musing over whether this was because of a recruitment policy or because the charges lawyers are renowned for making pays for the clothing and probably a significant amount of cosmetic surgery besides when i was ushered through to a meeting room by a guy dressed like a waiter who offered to make me tea or coffee.  It broke my reverie for a moment but then, as he went off to make my tea, had me thinking what it must be like to be at the lowest end of the food chain in such an office full of gorgeous women and being their errand boy, placing myself in such a position and then moving on to fantasise about Mistress Ana’s desire to have me fixed permanently beneath Her office desk in Thailand where i would be available to serve her orally whilever She was at Her desk, irrespective of whoever else might enter the room.  By the time my lawyer arrived for the meeting, i was really quite lost in my fantasy!  Oh to be chained to a desk, Mistress Ana’s desk! One day, Mistress Ana, one day……………

Friday November 20th 2009 – thoughts on shaving my beard

This morning i decided to defer my usual depilation, exfoliation and moisturisation day until tomorrow.  When at home, i do this on Tuesdays and Fridays because those are the mornings when my wife is out of the house very early which means i have the bathroom entirely to myself and can go about the process without Her knowing.  In Lima, i prefer to do it on Saturdays and Wednesdays.  Saturdays because it being the weekend means i can take my time over it and Wednesdays simply because i need to do this twice a week to keep on top of things.  i really dislike being hairy and it is so nice to be in Lima and not have to wear my beard.  i dislike shaving also though so there is my dilemma!  i hate my beard but i hate shaving – i can’t win.  i might though.  This morning, i needed to shave my face at least and decided to first give it a try with the No-No.  i was not sure it would work there with the beard being such coarse hair but it seemed to work well.  It didn’t remove all of the hair but i could tell from the continual smell of burning hair that at least some hair was receiving the treatment.  i then shaved normally afterward and had the smoothest finish in a long time.  With luck, using the No-No will discourage regrowth and over time i may reach the point where the beard growth is so weak my wife is happy to allow me to leave it off permanently and the need to shave will not be as frequent either.

i chose to wear a purple satin bra with a cute bow in the centre of the cleavage and a matching purple satin thong under my male clothes today.  Surprisingly, although narrow, the thong actually fits over the CB-2000 chastity device quite well and rarely slides off to leave the cock cage outside of my underwear.   Some of the lace panties i have are wider in that area and might be expected to accommodate the cock cage more easily but they tend to slide off to the side and can become quite uncomfortable.

Today was catch up with people day.  i am more or less on top of work now and so called a few friends to see what might be happening and to tee up meetings for next week to try and win some business.  i was quite relieved that nothing much was happening over the weekend because i desperately want to spend time totally “en femme” and am half expecting to have to run some errands for Goddess Joyce over the weekend.

This evening, once again, as soon as my office staff left and my business partner went out for the evening, i threw off my male clothes and slipped into a short brown pleated mini skirt and pink top that both go well with the shoes Mistress Ana brought me from Thailand.  i put the shoes on and my long red wig and a touch of make up and i was set to relax, cooking myself a nice meal of pan seared salmon and a garden salad, washed down with an Australian shiraz.

Once fed, i curled up in my room with my book which i finished before going to bed for a change rather than falling asleep with it.  i was tired though by this time and so slipped into my pink striped sating PJ’s and went to bed where i drifted off to sleep once again fantasising of how life would be were i collared and enslaved 24/7 to Mistress Ana, permanently “en femme” and ever at Her beck and call; wouldn’t it be wonderful!  Such sweet dreams……………………………

Tuesday August 4th 2009 – cleaning duties

i was very eager to get up and out of the house this morning so that i could get to Mistress Ana’s house, slip into my maid’s clothing and get on with Her housework.  All was going well after my wife left home early meaning i could slip straight into the white lace bra and thong and pull on some white stockings, stay-ups with lace and a cute bow at the top.  i even put on a pair of black patent Mary Jane’s to drive across town in and wore them about the house while i had my breakfast and collected the other items i needed to take with me which today included my laundry, the breast pump and two pairs of shoes that i had had repaired for Mistress Ana.  Unfortunately, although i was ready to leave well before 8.00am, i had some work related issues to deal with first and they took longer than i expected and so it was 8.00am before i got away.  Add to that the traffic was bad for some reason and so it was almost 8.45 by the time i arrived.

To my consternation, there was a red utility parked where i would normally park and i felt apprehensive that perhaps Mistress’ son was still home.  In any event, i entered the house and found that if he was, he was not in evidence.  However there was plenty of evidence for his existence!  He had left a full laundry basket outside his door and there were empty glasses, bottles and cans liberally spread all around the house.  Someone had had a party i guess.  So, first things first, i changed into my maid’s clothes, black patent stiletto heels with ankle strap, a black mini-skirt, black blouse, white apron, red wig plus i decided on wearing slutty silver hooped earrings and my ladies watch to keep check on time.  Then, i put i my own laundry on a delicate cycle that took just over an hour.  While that was washing, i began tidying the house, first collecting all of the empty bottles and cans and removing them to the dustbin.  i had planned to clean the balconies and balcony furniture for the two balconies that i had not had time to do last week and it was just as well for the front balcony had been used for entertaining and was in real need of tidying and cleaning.  There were also a stack of dishes, some clean, some dirty and some i was unsure about.  So, i loaded the dishwasher with those items i was sure were dishwasher safe and hand washed the rest.  i cleaned the main front balcony first and the smaller balcony on the side of the house second.  While doing this, i took time to go down to the laundry and hang out my bras and panties in the garden once the first cycle had finished and load the machine with Mistress’ son’s clothes and set them washing.  i hung my clothes in the garden because it was such a beautiful warm and sunny day i felt sure they would dry before i had to leave.  i collected Mistress’ clothes that i had washed last week from the line in the garage and took them upstairs, planning to iron them today if i had time or next week if not.  i noticed that most of the items of Mistress’ son that i had washed last week had been reclaimed from the line.

Time really flew by and at 11.00am i took a break for coffee and to pump my breasts.  It is exactly a week now since i got the pump and i have used it regularly every 3 hours or so but so far, in spite of the domperidone and the fenugreek, there has been no sign of even a drop of milk.  However, i am not discouraged and will continue with it.  i need to get some more domperidone which means a trip to the doctor for a prescription.  i cannot go to my own doctor without arousing suspicion and i doubt he would give me such a prescription without making a lot of enquiries or asking me to have other tests done as to why i am nauseous.  So, i have decided i will go to a clinic nearby and come clean.  i plan to ask the doctor for domperidone on the pretext that my partner has just had a baby and that we both thought it would be great if i could breast feed also and, having researched this on the internet have discovered that with domperidone it may be possible.  This way, i hope to be able to get repeat prescriptions so that i can take it regularly.  We shall see what transpires.

i finished cleaning both balconies and their furniture, hung the laundry to dry in the garage, unloaded the dishwasher, left those items i had hand washed to drain and dry for most of them i was unsure as to where they belonged.  i swept the floors of the hallway and lounge and cleaned any marks by hand.  i did not have time to do the whole lot with the steam cleaner so decided to at least make them look presentable this week and to give them a proper clean next week.  Before leaving, i collected my now dry washing from the outside line, emptied the trash and then weeded a part of the garden on my way out.

i left just before 1.00pm after a very enjoyable 4 hours or so of being a housemaid.  i felt very happy and content that i had not only satisfied my need to be “en femme” but also because i had served Mistress Ana, even in Her absence.  It feels good to belong to Her and to do things for Her.

Monday August 3rd 2009 – An appointment with the doctor

Today i had an afternoon appointment with the specialist regarding my recovery from the prostate removal and my erectile dysfunction.  Truth is that i now see no more signs of improvement and although i can still inject myself when i want to get an erection, now that i am in chastity an erection, full blown is the last thing i want.  i am now resigned to never ever having penetrative sex again but to using my tongue for OSODD (Oral Sex On Dommes Demand).  Yes, i am horny and need an orgasm badly but since my surgery, i have had flaccid dry orgasms, no cum.  Prior to chastity, i could masturbate as before but would never get hard yet i would still cum.  Since in chastity, i have reached orgasm only once and that was when Mistress Ana played with and suckled on my nipples.  i am feeling so incredibly horny these days, what with the chastity combined now with regular nipple stimulation, but i no longer seek an outlet for i know it to be fruitless.  Rather, i long for the wonderful release and much better climax and orgasm i would get should Mistress Ana decree me worthy and once more allow me to cum while She toys with my breasts.

So, back to the doctor.  He has given me samples of some new pills to try – not Cialis or Viagra but Levitra (Vardenafil).  We shall see.  i am not going to risk taking them while in the CB-2000 but will wait and see if Mistress Ana will allow me to take one while i am with Her and the CB-2000 can be temporarily removed.

To the doctors, i was wearing pink lace bra and thong beneath my male clothes and as we chatted, i wondered what he might say if he knew what i was wearing or that i was in chastity or that my real reason for not wanting more needles and injections to take away with me was because it would be very painful for me to use them in my state of confinement.  The Alprostadil injections work really well – too well.  They make me rock hard and bigger than ever i was pre-surgery and they last for up to an hour and a half.  i dread to think of the agony i would suffer if i were to inject while in the CB-2000!!!!!  So, the upshot of all of this is that i am resigned to never experiencing penetrative sex again, to being ever the sissy slave with only a tongue as a sexual implement and for whom sexual release from a constant state of arousal will be controlled by another, Mistress Ana.

Friday July 31st 2009 – a day in the office “en femme”

What a lovely day!  For the first time in ages i was able to return fully to my depilation, exfoliation, and moisturisation routine.  i now have the replacement blades for my “No-No” hair removal system so started the day off by doing my arms, legs and torso, taking special care of my breasts and the area around my nipples so as to make sure that the breast pump has no hairs interfering when latched and reducing the pressure.  Then it was into the shower for a delicious hot stinging scrub and exfoliation so that i came out all rosy pink and tingling.

After applying moisturiser to my legs, arms, face hands and feet and of course my soft, smooth breasts, applying the underarm roll-on deodorant given to me by Mistress Ana that not only acts as a deodorant but whitens the hair stubble, and then a spray of perfume, i felt so wonderfully feminine my choice of underwear had to be pink.  Pink lace bra and matching thong.  i also slipped into some panty-hose because i knew that once at work, i would be alone there for the whole morning and most of the afternoon.  At work, i dressed in a white pink and maroon striped blouse, black skirt and jacket and some moderately high heeled T-bar, open toed black shoes.  i put on my long red wig, large hooped earrings (because even at the office i feel the need to express the slut in me just a little) and applied a little lipstick and i was ready for a day at the office as you can see below.

i had a full day of work to do and so was occupied all day at my computer apart from the times that i got up to make coffee, have lunch and to venture out to the front of the house to collect the mail.  Every 3 hours i used the breast pump with the cups held securely to my breasts by my bra so that i could continue working.  No sign of any milk yet but i am determined to make this happen and so will persevere for as long as it takes.  The domperidone tablets and fenugreek should be helping and i drank guiness today in the hope that it too might provide some sort of boost – after all it used to be prescribed to breast feeding mothers during and shortly after World War II!

No opportunity to chat today because i needed to complete some work which i managed to do.  It just felt so right and natural to be “en femme” working away and i look back now on what was a really lovely day.

Thursday July 30th 2009

With so many business meetings in the city today, i decided that i would wear a blue shirt and beneath it a pale blue lace bra and matching thong.  i checked carefully in the mirror to be sure that the bra did not show through the shirt and then, satisfied that it did not, went about my very full day.  So full that it was tricky managing to fit in the regular breast pumping sessions but i managed to do so, finding a way of holding the cups against my breasts with my bra so that i had my hands free.  Running off the battery works well but i had to be cautious and switch off a few times while pumping in the toilets when others came in.  i sat on the loo in my cubicle listening intently for the outer door opening with one finger on the switch so that i could switch off immediately i heard the door handle.  Quite an exciting time really – i never thought sitting on the loo could be fraught with such anxiety!

Later, back at home, i continued researching induced lactation and decided that i needed to up the ante a bit and pump every 3 hours or as close to 8 hours a day.  i also learned how to stimulate the nipples manually using the Marmet technique.  i now use this technique in idle moments when i don’t have the time to set up the pump.  i am confident that if i continue to work at this, i will lactate, in fact i am determined that i will.  The whole concept now fills my head along with Mistress Ana who’s idea this was and who tells me repeatedly that She cannot wait for it to happen. Nor can i………..

Wednesday July 29th 2009 – “en femme” with the breast pump

Still feeling incredibly horny and the breast pumping is exacerbating the feeling.  i was able to chat to Mistress Ana today, albeit briefly, and i am sure that She is amused by my horny state and the fact that in my chastity device i am powerless to do anything about it!  In any event, i was able to update Her on my activities which centred mostly on what i was wearing (maroon satin thong with a cute bow and a purple satin bra) and of course my progress towards lactation and the breast pump.  Mistress asked to see a picture of me using the pump, “en femme” and i promised that i would post one tonight in my journal.  So, once all was quiet around the office, i dressed as in the picture and then ran the pump on both breasts for 20 minutes.  i quite like the maroon semi transparent blouse and the skirt goes well with it.  i bought the shoes to go with another dress but having noticed the same green in the skirt and finding the cardigan also in the same green, i thought i would try the ensemble, especially as it is going to be cold tonight (3 degrees has been forecast).

Back to the breast pump, i find that i need to hold the cups against my breasts in order to maintain a strong latch and this means that my hands are occupied for a full 20 minutes while pumping.  Not bad if i am watching TV but no good while i have work to do.  So, when busy at work, i pump one breast at a time, freeing up one hand for working – i am getting quite good at one-handed manipulation of my computer.

Also today, while “latched” to the pump, i found an interesting web page on male lactation “Milkmen; Fathers who breastfeed” with some examples and videos – it is well worth a look and gave me a lot of encouragement.  While i am hoping that milk flow will commence soon, i am not anxious because i can see from the web page article that it may take several days or even a couple of weeks and more but i am now very confident that by using the pump alone it will happen and that the domperidone and fenugreek can only act to speed things along.  i will continue to pump every four hours or so for twenty minutes on each breast for as long as it takes.

i am now constantly aware of my breasts and nipples.  During pumping, the suckling sensation is a gentle force but one which over time causes a dull ache in the nipple and breast.  This goes soon after stopping pumping and is replaced by definite reverse pressure sensation in my breast, a sensation of weight perhaps or fullness.  At times during the day, i still get a tingling sensation or a sort of fluttering feeling in my breasts and nipples.  This has started again since i got back on the domperidone.  The upshot is though that i am constantly aware of sensations in my breasts and nipples that further add to my already strong physical arousal and emotional high.

i was also able to chat today with Goddess Joyce.  She has returned to Lima after a holiday in Mancora.  She was unhappy because She had had a row with Her husband – the first real one since they were married in March.  As ever, i was a listening post while She poured out Her troubles before offering Her some simple advice.  She seemed a little happier once we had chatted but i have a feeling that hubby is going to incur some of Her wrath.  He is also submissive so i am sure that he will be put back in his place.