Sunday December 6th 2009 – pampering myself followed by confession of crime and punishment

This morning i treated myself to a pampering.  First, depilation with my No-No followed by exfoliation with a really vigorous body scrub in a hot stinging shower so that i was left glowing pink all over.  Then i did my nails, giving myself both manicure and pedicure.  How sad though that i could not paint them!  i love having my nails painted but it is too much of a give away around the office if i use anything other than natural and i do so like to see them in a deep red or pretty pink.  So, it was just a clipping and filing today before applying hand and nail cream.  i also treated myself to a liberal covering of body lotion and face cream before applying some Nivea roll-on deodorant and perfume spray so that i felt fresh, clean and envigorated when i slipped into a clean white lace bra and matching panties.  Nothing like pure white on a Sunday!

Sadly, no chance to go entirely “en femme” today for my business associate and flat mate decided to stay home all day!  It didn’t stop me wearing a pair of white flat heeled open toed pumps at my desk where i worked on and off all day but it was still a bit of a let down after yesterday, especially as today would be the last day i could have gone out “en femme” because from now on i must let my beard grow back so that it is looking normal when i get home to my wife.

i chatted with Mistress Ana today.  She commented on how much She liked my “look of the day” yesterday and the mini-skirt in particular.  She had shared it with a girl in Her office in Thailand so now more people know of my sissy nature.   However, while pleased with my look, as i might have expected, She is not pleased with me having been playing with my nipples and i shall be punished for it when we next are able to be together.  i knew this would be the case and it raises the question why would i admit to it knowing it would mean i would be punished and suffer a sore backside as a result?  Surely, i could keep this misdemeanour to myself, Mistress would never know and i would not suffer the consequences.  Well, firstly, as a slave, i shall be punished and disciplined from time to time whether i have done anything particularly naughty or not.  That is the way of things for Mistress will always seek to assert and exercise Her authority and control.  Thus, i may as well admit to being naughty and be punished at least for something that i know i have done wrong.  But it is more than that.  It goes deeper.  By misbehaving and not admitting to it i am being deceitful.  True, Mistress may never find out but i would know that i am not being true to Her and by admitting my faults i can at least continue to respect myself.  In relationships built on trust, i want to be able to reply to any questioning on my behaviour honestly whether i have done right or wrong for sooner or later, Mistress is going to ask me about my behaviour while alone and if i cannot reply honestly it will show and my punishment would be all the more severe.

So, why play with my nipples anyway when i know that it will only get me into trouble?  The answer there is that i am weak and i just so love the sensations they cause within me when i tease them that i cannot help myself.  Perhaps in time, i will learn more self control.  The enhancement of my sexual frustration and the painful consequences of it at the hands of Mistress Ana may, in time, instill that discipline in me.  i will try hard to overcome the temptation but i will also continue to admit and confess when i fail.

Thursday December 3rd 2009 – More about slavery

Today, i chose to wear pale blue lace panties and matching bra beneath my male outer clothes.  With a blue shirt, i was at least colour coordinated!  With a full day of meetings, i was out of the office a lot of the time and so was unable to chat with either Mistress Ana or Goddess Joyce.  So, very little to report about the day other than work related things.

So, just to add a little to yesterday’s thoughts on slavery, here is a piece that i think truly sums up slavery.  These are not my words but are quoted from slave david stein.

Slavery;

By

David Stein

slavery is not about suffering . . .
. . . slavery is about service.

slavery is not about humiliation . . .
. . . slavery is about humility.

slavery is not about pain . . .
. . . slavery is about being present.

slavery is not about being used . . .
. . . slavery is about being of use.

slavery is not about control . . .
. . . slavery is about letting go.

slavery is not about your desires . . .
. . . slavery is about giving to others.

slavery is not about abuse . . .
. . . slavery is about acceptance.

slavery is not about proving anything . . .
. . . slavery is about being real.

slavery is not about contempt . . .
. . . slavery is about respect.

slavery is not about how you look . . .
. . . slavery is about the size of your heart.

slavery is not about denying yourself . . .
. . . slavery is about being open.

slavery is not about bondage . . .
. . . slavery is about freeing your spirit.

slavery is not about punishment . . .
. . . slavery is about discipline.

slavery is not about being unable to escape . . .
. . . slavery is about being committed.

slavery is not about submission . . .
. . . slavery is about obedience.

slavery is not about fear . . .
. . . slavery is about trust.

slavery is not about sex . . .
. . . slavery is about love.

slavery is not about pleasure . . .
. . . slavery is about happiness.

slave david stein, Oct-Nov. 1998

Wednesday December 2nd 2009 – There is none so free as the slave!

i finally managed to get hold of Goddess Joyce this morning and learned that She had had a caesarian section yesterday and so Vincent had arrived and weighed in at a hearty and healthy 4.16 kilos (about 9 and a half pounds) and 52cm in length.  All went well and both mother and baby are doing fine.  i have been invited to go to the clinic and visit but will need to go and buy a small gift first.

i also had a good chat today with Mistress Ana.  Strange that we had both been thinking/fantasising about me being in service to Her 24/7.  i have to confess that were my wife to pass away before me then i would most definitely seek such a position of permanent and continual slavery and were it not for my marriage, i would be doing so right now.  Mistress was of a similar sentiment with regard to Her own marriage.

Why would anyone want to enter into permanent full time slavery? It seems a crazy notion and that the proponent would have to be insane but i can assure any reader that i am far from insane and yet crave such a status.  It is a great paradox but slavery actually brings with it an enormous freedom, a freedom from responsibility in many ways for the slave has only ever to carry out his Master’s/Mistresses wishes and is never faced with having to make decisions or be responsible for others.  Having been a business leader for most of my life and a family head also, i am used to having responsibility for others and am generally considered to be a good leader and manager but that position carries with it a burden of responsibility whereas slavery carries no burden other than the burden of service which is a giving of one’s self.  i am by nature a giving person and so for me, to give myself to someone whom i love and adore is a natural desire and hence permanent full time slavery is a natural progression.  When considering the burden of responsibility, “there is none so free as the slave nor so bound as the Master” for as much as the slave does for his owner, the owner has duty of care and is responsible for the slave.

So, thoughts of being with Mistress Ana 24/7 are constantly on my mind and are a constant source of physical and emotional arousal for me.  i dream of sleeping chained to the foot of Her bed or of having a small cell where i am kept when not in use.  i dream of being permanently “en femme” and of not only doing Mistress housework but going out and doing Her shopping, Her cooking, running errands and carrying out all manner of different tasks and duties for Her.  What would be my reward?  Certainly a regular beating whether i have done anything seriously wrong or not but a beating to confirm and reassert status, but also love and nurturing, the delight of oral service and of being held, caressed and cherished by Her, and above all, the joy and satisfaction of giving pleasure to another and of making someone else’s life better.

Finally, i chose pink today, matching lace bra and panties.  It really is my favourite colour.  Also, i noticed that “Peeptoe Shoes” are having a sale.  Oh, how i adore some of those shoes, especially these gorgeous 4″ stiletto heeled strappy red sandals and just so wish i could both afford to buy them and also that i could manage to buy them in such a way that my wife would not find out!  Talking of sales, i have joined a website called “ideeli” which is an incredible site for bargains of all kinds.  Genuine designer clothes and goods at incredible discounts but such a pity that to take advantage of the offers you have to live in the USA.  If it were a global organisation it would be fantastic.

Monday November 23rd 2009 – Crime and punishment

No silly dreams last night, i slept soundly and woke up refreshed ready for the start of another week on the road.  i chose my olive-grey lace bra this morning, it is one of my favourites for it pushes my breasts out nicely and is very comfortable.  With them i put on almost transparent grey mesh panties from La Senza , one of my favourite underwear stores that i visit whenever i am in Toronto.  Sadly, the weekend being over, it was male outer clothes all day although, of course i wore stiletto heels, a lovely maroon pair with an open toe and a small platform, while at my desk, which was most of the day.

i had received a mountain of messages overnight and most needed to be dealt with quite urgently and then there was the work i had scheduled for today that couln’t be put off.  So, it was a long day but it was at least pleasantly interspersed with conversations online and over the phone with Mistress Ana and Goddess Joyce respectively.  It was, as ever, lovely to chat with Mistress Ana, even though in the course of the conversation i managed to earn two causes for punishment on my return.  The first for not admitting quickly enough that She was always at least one step ahead of my thoughts and the second for still not having painted the humbler bright red.  i explained that i have the paint but that i have to be very careful and discrete in when and where i do the painting, all of which is true but my delay on this is not acceptable and so i shall be punished,

To an outsider, the beating i shall get for these two misdemeanours might seem harsh but i accept them quite gladly.  People might think that anyone who allows another to paddle his rear or whip him must have something missing upstairs but that is not the case.  The exercise is one in which Mistress reasserts Her authority and control and is necessary so as to maintain the Owner/slave relationship and keeps me, the slave, very much in my place.  Believe it or not, but i actually need this form of discipline and although it hurts and i never actually relish the painful aspects of it, it is a bonding experience and one after which i feel so emotionally close to my Owner that the elation is hard to describe.  Elation?  Yes, for i am filled with respect for Mistress Ana plus love and joy that i belong to such a strong willed woman who could have number of slaves but has included me among them and has given me in return, Her love and Her nurturing.  D/s is not all about punishment, there is the nurturing aspect also and Mistress has been more than generous in Her gifts to me both physical, like the shoes, handbag and clothing for example, as well as in shaping my behaviour, my femininity and my emotional well being.

So, though i now have punishment lined up, i knew that i would have some punishment and need some discipline when i am next with Mistress anyway.  My chat on the phone with Goddess Joyce was equally enjoyable even though i failed to find the wine that She specifically requested.  The truth is that it does not exist.  i tried the best wine  merchants in Lima and even went to the winemaker’s website and discovered that it does not exist, not these days anyway.  i suspect it to be a wine that She enjoyed several years ago and that it has been superceded.  In any event, there will be some additional punishment for me there no doubt, especially because i could not find the raspberry leaf tea either!  But punishment shows that She cares and that i too care enough to do my best for Her when running errands.

Such failures are not crimes as such for they cannot be helped but they would be if i were to be deliberately lax in my efforts.  In that case, the punishment is a way of making me shape up or ship out.  If i did not want to serve then i would not serve well and so would resent the punishment and would walk away from the relationship.  The essence of the discipline is that by accepting it i am confirming that i truly do wish to continue in the relationship and that i need to do more to please my Owner.  Everything has its price, and the punishment and pain that goes with discipline is the payment for the joy of belonging to and having a close personal relationship in service of beautiful, strong willed women like Mistress Ana, Goddess Joyce and Lady Dynah, each of whom i adore and am very proud to know and serve.

Saturday November 21st 2009 – Sweet dreams, “femme” reality and D/s lifestlye debate

And sweet dreams they were!  So sweet in fact that i woke early and extremely horny.  i lay on my back in bed and felt an intense longing both physical and emotional.  It was like withdrawal symptoms i guess.  my body was crying out to be used, my nipples were hard and proudly jutting through my pink satin PJ’s and i could not resist playing with them even though i know that Mistress Ana would not approve and that i shall be punished for having done so.  Of course, this made my physical arousal all the more intense but try as i might, playing with my nipples myself does not bring me to an orgasm.  It is not the same as when Mistress Ana does it obviously and the more i think of Her the more i miss Her and the more my nipples and indeed my whole body aches.  And so, i did not linger long.  Knowing that touching my nipples would only add to my fruitless arousal, i climbed out of bed and took myself off to the bathroom, but not for a cold shower!

No, this morning was hair removal morning.  i went over my whole body with the No-No, or at least those parts that i can reach.  i did my face again for i am determined now to try and gradually kill off my facial hair.  i am under no illusion that this will take a long time but all the better then to start now.  After the No-No, i shaved my face and then decided to run the razor over the rest of my body too for the No-No does not get all of the hairs.  The result was a very smoothly shaven roxie indeed!  Next, i showered and exfoliated vigorously.  Oh what heaven it was in the hot stinging shower with my freshly shaved body all pink and tingling by the time i had finished.  After toweling myself dry, i began applying body lotion all over.  The door to my room was closed but it did not stop my business partner from just walking in unannounced.  i don’t know who was the more surprised or embarrassed, him from seeing me naked or me from not being sure whether or not he saw the CB-2000 before i grabbed a towel or whether he noticed i was hairless or perhaps even noticed the bra and panties that were still draped over the chair from yesterday!  i pulled a towel quickly around my waist as my partner announced he would be gone for the day.  i was delighted to hear this and tried my level best to show no embarrassment or discomfort as i wished him a great day with his lady friend.

After he left, i finished applying moisturiser to my face and hands and then dressed entirely “en femme.”  i applied make up, put on my wig and dressed in the same purple bra as yesterday and clean purple lace panties.  i chose a summery dress to wear and then put on a little jewelery, a lovely lapis lazuli and silver necklace and my ladies watch which i discovered in my jewelery bag after all.  i chose a pair of 4″ stiletto heels in a maroon colour that matched the dress and for which i had a matching handbag and then, putting money in the handbag, decided to go out shopping.  First i went to the supermarket to get a few items i needed for lunch today and tomorrow.  Just fresh vegetables really but it felt terrific to be outside in the fresh air, my newly depilated legs cooled by the breeze.  i attracted no attention as i shopped, at least none that i noticed, and the girl at the checkout certainly gave me no second glance.

i walked by to the office/apartment and left the groceries and then went out again.  This time i caught a cab which took me down to Miraflores.  i wanted to just wander around the shops, not looking for anything in particular other than a bargain perhaps.  And i found two!  First, i found a pair of gorgeous sandals in  beautiful dark pink or cerise colour.  It is rare to find shoes my size here in Peru because most Peruvians are small.  But, there they were!  My size, the last pair and on sale for just 50 Peruvian Soles (about $18).  i simply couldn’t resist.  i know i am supposed to seek Mistresss Ana’s permission before i buy such things but they might have gone by the time i returned with permission and so i tried them, found they fit and bought them.  You can see them below as well as how well the match the dress i wore today.

The real look of today showing the new shoes

Gorgeous colour plus 4″ heels, ankle strap and no platform

Gorgeous colour plus 4″ heels, ankle strap and no platform

Gorgeous colour plus 4″ heels, ankle strap and no platform

red with black polka dot satin baby doll pyjamas

snake skin pattern satin baby doll pyjamas

But then there was a second bargain!  i wandered into the lingerie department of Falabella (a big department store) and found that they had two-piece satin baby-doll pyjama sets selling for just 30 soles ($10) so i bought two sets, one in red with black dots and the other a sort of snake-skin pattern with white lace trim as you can see.

Satisfied at this, i returned to the office/apartment, eager to try on the pyjamas and shoes.  All fit beautifully and i am so in love with the shoes, i still have them on now as i write, close to the end of the day.  Yes, it is late now, and my business partner has not yet returned but will do soon so i had best either look as if i am already in bed and asleep or change back into male mode.  i think i will go for the former and wear one of my new pyjama sets.  Oh what a wonderful all feminine day i have had.

Oh, one last thing, this evening Lady Dynah was online and we chatted for about an hour.  It was good to have a long chat with Her again, especially on video cam.  She has cut Her hair shorter which suits Her and makes Her look younger in my opinion.  We chatted about my business plans and opportunities perhaps for some of Her friends to invest and then moved on to some of the doubts that She has about the D/s lifestyle and reconciling it with Her strong Christian beliefs.  This is not a new discussion between us and i maintain that as long as both Domme and sub are consenting then each is doing the other a service and so it cannot be a sin.  But is it fornication?  While fornication is considered a sin, then any sexual activity, even within marriage, that is not aimed at procreation would also be a sin and we accept contraception so why should a strong D/s relationship be any different?  Both the Domme and the sub have a need and each satisfies that need in the other so it is a sort of symbiosis, a mutual benefit that does no one any harm and does the individuals a lot of good in satisfying innate physical and emotional needs.  As ever, we parted with Lady Dynah in agreement but then it is Sunday tomorrow and that might just see those doubts return.

No contact today with Goddess Joyce.  i had expected to get a phone call with instructions to go to the farmers market for Her but nothing.  i tried phoning Her but got no response so maybe baby Vincent is arriving or has arrived.  i will call again tomorrow.

Thursday November 12th 2009 – A surprise visit to Mistress Ana

What a strange but wonderful day!  It began ordinarily enough with me choosing white underwire bra and white cotton panties with a lace trim to wear beneath my male clothes.  i then went to work expecting the arrival of a plumber to fix our sewage recycling system.  As i was alone in the office and with there being no none in the house either, normally i would have dressed fully “en femme” but, because i was expecting the plumber, i was unable to do so.  i did however take the opportunity to run some of my ladies underwear thro ugh a hand wash cycle while awaiting the plumber’s arrival.  In the meantime, my gardener showed up unexpectedly so it was fortunate that i had not dressed “en femme.”  He didn’t stay long because it began to rain.

After he left, i began sorting and collecting a set of clothes to take with me on my travels next week.  Because i will be leaving on Sunday evening, i needed to get my “femme’ things into my suitcase ahead of time because i will not be able to bring them over to the house at the weekend with my wife around.  i would usually have done this on the Friday but with plans to be with Mistress on Friday, i decided to do it today.

That done, i returned to my desk and found Mistress Ana online and so was able to chat.  Her builders had finished and She wanted me to go over and visit Her today.  i explained that i was waiting on the plumber but would be able to come once he had finished.  As we chatted, i phoned the plumber to find out if and when he would arrive.  He decided instead to come tomorrow!  So, i decided that i would go over to Mistress’ house as soon as i had got my washing dry which had to be done in the drier because of the rain.

While my washing dried, i quickly went and got ready for my visit to Mistress Ana.  This meant giving myself an enema, something i do using the lower outlet in the shower and a plastic connection hose for a shower spray with the rose removed.  It enables me to set the water flow to slow and steady and the temperature close to body temperature and to insert the hose while in the shower unit so as not to make a mess.  It also means that if i go too far and overfill myself, i have only to clean the shower afterward.  Also, the toilet is close by and the floor tiled so it is an ideal location for giving myself an enema and flushing out my rear should Mistress decide She needs to rape my ass or that i need such treatment.

As well as the enema, i decided to depilate and exfoliate today instead of tomorrow and so it was smooth, fresh and clean inside and outside that i set off to Mistress’ house soon after midday.  En route, i practiced my oath a couple of times, reciting it in my “femme” voice for practice.  This is about the only time i get to practice my voice other than when i am fully “en femme” in public so whenever i am on the road alone, i switch to my “femme” voice.

i reached Mistress Ana’s house after 40 minutes and noticed that Lucy’s car was outside.  Once i entered, Mistress sent me to change into my maid’s clothes.  Lucy was busy doing some housework.  i was told to hurry dressing because lunch was about to be served and so i changed quickly and did not bother with make up or items of jewelery.  As we ate lunch together, Mistress, Lucy and i, Mistress told me about Lucy’s marriage break up.  A very sad situation for all concerned.  Mistress, to both of our surprise, handed each of us a plastic bag with small packages to be placed under our respective Christmas trees.  This was a lovely surprise and so very much appreciated.

Lucy had to leave to return to work at 2.00pm after which Mistress and i chatted on a little longer before She decided that i should be punished for my errors with the making up of Her son’s bed.  We retired to the bedroom where, before being punished, Mistress had me suckle in Her breasts and worship at Her altar, lavishing attention to Her pussy.  For me, this was of course much better than being punished but the punishment was only postponed briefly for Mistress quickly had me on all fours on Her bed with my ass exposed and then treated to a sound paddling first and the several stokes of the riding crop.  It does hut but not unbearably and after the stinging sensation of the crop, i soon felt that delicious warm glow spread across my ass cheeks.  Mistress intends that i am constantly reminded of Her while i am away from Her and this is one way of doing so, not the the constant presence of the CB-2000 doesn’t already keep Her firmly placed in the centre of my thoughts at all times.

The punishment over, Mistress returned me to my dutiful worship of Her body, both breast were suckled intently as well as her pussy.  But, Mistress also likes to play with my breasts and nipples and i was delighted by Her attention to them as i worshiped Her’s in turn.  Eventually though, Mistress’ attention became focused entirely on my tits and She aggressively suckled and bit on them, kneaded them and pinched them, reveling in my response for Her actions were clearly arousing me.  Mistress persisted, having told me i was not to come and so i stood as passively as i could, desperately trying not to reach an orgasm.  But Mistress is nothing if not persistent and drove me closer and closer to that orgasm until i could no longer resist and was consumed by that deep internal and uncontrollable series of spasms that shook my whole body.  This was the second time that Mistress has brought me to orgasm by just playing with my tits and nipples.  My cock, encased in its CB-2000 cage, enlarged to fill its prison, remained untouched and still flaccid yet my orgasm was deep and profound and far more satisfying than any masturbation i have ever performed myself.

As i came back down to earth i recall saying just how much i adored and loved Mistress Ana, my Owner, and how fortunate i was to belong to Her.  And it is true for even as i write this, memories of the afternoon and of Her flood back and arouse me yet again.  i am Her slave, i have given myself to Her and as such must bend to Her will and strive to please Her at all times and i find great joy and satisfaction in doing that and if my reward is only ever to be used as a sexual instrument of Her pleasure, it is reward enough.  i thrive on the scent and taste of Her nectar and it is indeed intoxicating.  How could i not strive to be the best slave with such nourishment as an incentive?

But it is more than that.  Afterward, Mistress assigned me to a pile of laundry that needed to be ironed.  What a chore, many would think but to me it was a pleasure to be given the task, it is almost in itself a form of worship, adoration and appreciation of Her for in saving Her this task i am pleasing Her.  And so, as i stood in my black patent leather stiletto heeled pumps in white thigh high stay-up stockings, black mini skirt, blouse, white apron and my long red wig, sweating in the afternoon heat and humidity, i had joy in my heart and sang along with the music Mistress was playing.  Yes, by the time i had to leave, my feet ached, my legs ached, my ass was still glowing and my nipples were tender and sore but inside, my heart was light and my sense of self esteem was high for i had given myself entirely to Mistress and had served Her to the best of my ability and been rewarded.  The only sad thought i had as i left was that i was leaving, that my time serving Her was over for the day.  But i drove away looking forward more eagerly than ever to tomorrow when i shall visit and serve Her again.  What a lucky gurl i am!

Saturday November 7th – Sunday November 8th 2009; Chastity trouble!

Saturday was a day for working in my own garden.  After going out and doing some grocery shopping, my wife had plans for me to work all day in the garden.  A hole needed to be dug down to a pipe that feeds into our house’s BioMax sewage system, a system that recycles our waste water and uses it for irrigating the garden.  During winter, when the water table is high, the system is leaking inwards, flooding with groundwater and causing us all sorts of problems.  We have traced the problem now to just a short section of pipe close tot he main tank itself and a hole needed to be dug down to it with the aim of hopefully finding out the problem.  This was my job on Saturday.  i dug and dug for about 3 hours and finally exposed the pipe at a depth of about 2.5 metres.  Tree roots have got into joints in the pipe and into the tank wall where the pipe goes into it and so it will have to be replaced.

After all of this exertion, especially not being used to such work, i was tired, stiff and sore and so took myself off to have a long soak in the bath.  It was there that i discovered that my left testicle had escaped again from the CB-2000 chastity device.  How? i have no idea for it is impossible to get it back and difficult enough to get it into the base ring of the cock cage as it is, even before locking it in place.  i felt very deflated for i know i shall be punished for having had to remove the device and replace it yet again.  i decided that i clearly needed to change the ring size on the CB-2000 to something smaller in diameter.  i was using the ring that was in the middle of the size range but decided i would now try to fit the smallest diameter.  This was easier said than done and it took me about 20 minutes of effort to persuade my left testicle to join the right testicle inside the ring.  However, i managed to fit into the smallest ring and felt better once i had the cock cage fully in place and locked.  However, i used a small padlock this time rather than the coded security tag because i was not sure that the small ring might in fact be too small and wanted to be sure all was well before sealing myself inside the device again.

It was as well that i did because by Sunday, my scrotum had swollen and my balls were aching.  The ring was too tight!  i decided to remove it and go for the next size up, the diameter between what i had been wearing and the smallest.  This too proved to be more difficult than it looked and i struggled for a good 15 minutes to remove the smallest ring, using a large amount of vaseline to help ease my swollen balls through the ring.  Next, came the equally difficult task of getting the balls through the slightly larger diameter ring.  Already lubricated, i managed it in a shorter time and once again secured the cock cage with a padlock rather than a security seal, preferring to be sure that the ring is not too tight before using the tag.

All of this is quite distressing for i have come to feel secure and comfortable in the CB-2000 and the thought of being able to escape from it does not make me happy for it defeats the whole purpose and sense of belonging and control that it gives me if it cannot be removed without my Owner, Mistress Ana knowing and approving.  i sincerely hope that the ring size now in place will be enough to prevent any escape whether inadvertent or intended.

Friday November 6th 2009 – Frustration while with Mistress Ana and Her builders!

There was no email message from Mistress Ana this morning and so i depilated, exfoliated, showered, moisturised, and perfumed myself and slipped into turquoise lace bra and pale blue lace panties beneath my male clothes and headed off to Mistress’ house.  i arrived there a little late for as i was leaving home, my wife phoned to ask me to drop off Her spectacles at Her workplace, a small diversion but one which nonetheless made me later than i wanted to be.

i arrived at Mistress’ house and was not surprised to find builders on the scene.  Mistress was pleased to see me and to my delight, presented me with a gift from Thailand, a lovely pair of sling back, low heeled, open toed shoes in pink, grey and brown.  i was thrilled to receive them, especially as i have pink, grey and brown clothes that will go well with the shoes.  i am so very lucky to belong to such a thoughtful and caring Mistress.  Mistress also gave me some Thai chocolates and candies and made me feel very special.

As for the builders, they busied themselves around the place while Mistress and i sat and chatted over coffee.  i was not asked to change “en femme” so yesterday’s fantasy was never going to materialise, for which i was grateful although should Mistress have wished to see me so humiliated, i would not have hesitated for even a moment.  As we chatted, i realised that i had made a mistake with the making up of the bed in Mistress’ son’s room downstairs and know that i shall be punished for it.  Fortunately, it was not entirely my fault and Mistress will not be too hard on me for it.  W/we chatted a lot about Her son, who has now moved out, and his girlfriend and a very embarassing experience for Mistress’ garden slave, Lucy, who was busy working in the garden when seen by the son’s girlfriend who called for the police, suspecting Lucy to be a burglar.  This would have been the only burglar in history to rob someone and do their garden at the same time!

Mistress told me of the reaction of both Her daughter in law and also Her own daughter, both of whom are aware of the fact that Mistress has slaves who do chores for Her, Lucy in the garden and me in the house.  The daughter in law it seems has asked that i go and clean Her house and Mistress’ daughter would be delighted to have me crawl on all fours to worship Her feet.  Both are young, attractive women whom i would consider it an honour to serve should Mistress Ana require me to do so.  i belong to Her first and foremost and i truly adore Her and could only ever serve others at Her request or command.  i feel so fortunate to belong to Her and to be in service to such a wonderful Domme after searching so far and wide over many years, that i am devoted to Her service first and foremost and above all else.

W/we also chatted about travel and about Mistress’ desire to visit Peru on vacation with Her daughter, possibly next year.  This idea has got me very excited for it would be an opportunity for me to be clean shaven and “en femme” serving Mistress 24/7 for the duration of the vacation.  my mind is now racing with the possibilities of being their sissy tour guide for 2 or 3 weeks in Peru.  i know that i would be in heaven and i pray that it will actually come to pass.  i dream of going with Mistress Ana and daughter to the salon where i go with Goddess Joyce to get a pedicure and manicure together as well as going shopping together and doing all of the touristy things.  This whole concept will now occupy my mind and i shall dream and plan the whole vacation until it does become reality.

With the builders still busy around the house, Mistress and i went out for lunch and also did a little grocery shopping.  i felt a little frustrated at not being able to dress “en femme” today, it being one of the days of the week when i would normally spend the full day at work fully dressed with blouse, skirt, wig and jewellery but there was no resentment for i was spending time with my Mistress and Owner.  However, after lunch, with the builders still at the house, i had to take my leave having been unable to serve Mistress personally and as i drove away i felt incredibly horny.  i had so needed to serve Her that by the time i got home, i ached inside.  A genuine ache of real need such that time cannot go quickly enough for me between now and Tuesday when i return to serve Her.

Friday October 30th 2009 – Disaster with chastity

i have no idea how it could have happened but it has.  During the night, i recall  feeling a dull ache in my genitals and, half asleep, moving my hand down to the cock cage and pulling it gently until it felt right, at the same time becoming more awake as the ache became a severe pain in my left testicle.  Further feeling around there under the cover of the bedclothes reassured me that the CB-2000 was still securely in place even thought it did not feel quite right.  i awoke this morning knowing something was amiss and, on getting to the bathroom, discovered that my left testicle had escaped the CB-2000.  i tried to get it back in without removing the cock cage but to no avail.  How on earth it got out, i have no idea but escape it did.

i was now faced with a dilemma. i could leave things as they were which would require explanation sooner or later to Mistress Ana and be decidedly uncomfortable in the meantime, or remove and then replace the cock cage using another seal, which would also require explanation and, i am sure, result in some form of punishment.  In fact, i was certain that i would be punished no matter what but decided it would be better to be truthful whether or not Mistress Ana believed my explanation.  The thought then occurred to me that i might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb and take the opportunity to masturbate.  Believe it or not though, i have never felt less like masturbating!  i was more preoccupied with how on earth the testicle could have got through the narrow confining gap in the CB-2000 rings and the consequences of it having done so to think about masturbating.  Furthermore, the horniness that develops while wearing the device is as much a psychological or emotional need as it is a physical need and i felt that i wanted to orgasm only when told to do so by Mistress Ana.  To cheat would be cheating myself as much as it would Her for the ultimate orgasm is one that is emotionally shared and not a furtive secret masturbation.

So, i removed the cock cage before getting in the shower and my Friday morning depilation, exfoliation and moisturisation ritual.  It gave me the chance to shave again my genitals and thoroughly clean that area.  After this, i replaced the chastity device using seal number CW8YD.  A splash of perfume later, i slipped into matching pink lace bra and panties, a white blouse, pink calf length skirt, long red wig and pink stiletto heeled sandals.  Before starting work, i gathered up my weeks laundry and put it through the washing machine.  Today was beautifully sunny and warm and i knew i could get all my washing done and dry before my wife returned home.  i spent the full working day in my office then completely “en femme.”  It may be surprising for some to know that such days when i am dressed “en femme” are some of my most productive and today was no exception.  i think this stems from simply being so comfortable and at home dressed as a woman that i am less distracted whereas days when i am only able to wear feminine underwear beneath my male outer clothes and ladies shoes while at my desk, i am much more conscious of my situation and on guard, so less focused on work.

Nothing else much to report on today.  No chats with anyone.  However, i did come across a wig for sale that i love.  Though i regularly wear my long red wig, i would love to have a shorter style that is perhaps more in keeping with my age and i just adore this one, a bargain at just $55.

i also discovered Christian Laboutin shoes – so many gorgeous heels on view i was drooling, and an article on “How high does one go with one’s heels? “ Such interesting reading that i not only voted on the 5″ or higher but also decided to provide the link.  The final thing was my Gravatar.  i have been creating virtual looks for myself on a virtual shopping site and decided that i could link some of the looks i have created there for myself to my Gravatar within my blog.  i am still not sure how effective it will be but i have a lot of fun virtually trying on different clothes for different activities.  It can’t equal the real thing but it is the next best thing for a would be gurl!

Thursday October 22nd 2009 – Back in service

This morning i woke early to be able to give myself a good enema, a requirement of Mistress Ana whenever i am to visit Her.  i used the bathroom in my office so as not to attract the attention of my wife, and gave myself four very good enemas, continuing until my resultant bowel movements were just water.  i had a meeting in the city first thing which dragged on a little and so i was 15 minutes late arriving at Mistress’ house.  She was not at home and so i let myself in, changed quickly into my maid’s clothes, pink bra and matching panties (the ones given to me by Mistress the last time i was with Her), black mini skirt and black top, white lace top stockings with white bows, white apron and black patent leather stiletto heels.  Today, needing to feel especially feminine as it had been so long that i was able to dress completely “en femme”, i also wore a fine gold chain and pendant given to me by a former Mistress, my ladies watch and hooped earrings.  i then set about doing some ironing while i waited for Mistress to return, She had left me a message to say that She would be back in half an hour.

i had not really begun ironing when Mistress returned and was accompanied by another male, Lucy, Her new garden slave who i had seen outside previously.  We were introduced and given rules of conduct by Mistress.  We are never to communicate with one and other and nor are we to be jealous of the other.  Not an issue as far as i am concerned.  Mistress delegated us both with various tasks and the three of us worked together in the kitchen to prepare a lunch which we all shared with a bottle of red wine.  All of this was lovely and our conversation ranged over a number of things and especially aspects of China that arose from my description of my holiday.

Shortly after lunch, Lucy had to leave.  i now knew that i was probably in for a beating.  This is a necessary aspect of our relationship for Mistress must re-assert Her superiority over me and it is never difficult for Her to find reasons for my deserving to be punished.  Today, i had forgotten to bring with me the small agate egg i had bought for Her while in China which added to the other things that Mistress had also considered worthy of punishment.  i climbed onto Her bed on all fours, pulled down my panties and counted each stroke She landed on my exposed butt, twenty altogether.  Yes, it hurt a lot but She could have continued further.  However, i am fortunate in that Mistress spares me a more severe beating because the danger of the marks being seen by my wife.  i truly appreciate this gesture, not just for the lesser pain but particularly because of the danger faced in my wife discovering welts across my rear.

Once my punishment was over, Mistress then had me on all fours on the floor as She put on Her new strap-on, which She had me suck until She turned me around and forcefully raped my ass.  This is not the first time Mistress has raped me and i have also been penetrated there by other Mistresses.  However, today, as Mistress thrust Her strap-on deep inside me, the first time, it really hurt.  The first push and entry is never comfortable for me but usually, once in, my muscles and sphincter relax and i begin to move in sync with Mistress.  Today, though, i was unable to do so.  the pain and discomfort continued and Mistress, fortunately sensed something was wrong, pulled out and then penetrated me again.  This time it was much less painful and it felt really good to be her fuck-toy.  i moved in sync with Her now, in little discomfort as She moved in and out, penetrating me as deep as the strap-on would go.  i was indeed Her whore.

Mistress realised that i had an extruded hemarrhoid and that this was the cause of my pain and discomfort and so treated my ass with ointment for hemarrhoids.  i then returned to my chores, washing and putting away the lunch dishes, hanging out laundry, stripping Her bed and putting the linen to wash while Mistress busied Herself getting ready to leave for Thailand tonight.  She had a number of instructions for me.  i must go and clean Her house and make up Her bed again on Tuesday as is my normal duty when She is away.  On Friday, i must take some flowers to Her house and leave a nice arrangement for Her – no gerberas, chrysanthemums or roses!  Tomorrow, i must go to the post office and post a few things for Her.  All of these i shall look forward to doing and will do them to the best of my ability and with a lot of love, thinking very fondly of Her as i do so.

i really enjoyed being back in Her service today, not only because i was “en femme” but also, and particularly becaue i need to have the sense of belonging, the sense of duty and obligation to Her and someone to whom i can look up to, adore and worship.  And i do adore Her and miss Her whenever She or i are travelling.