Tuesday December 22nd to Saturday December 26th 2009 – A Happy Christmas

Hectic is the only way to describe my day.  So much to do and so little time and with my wife now at home for school holidays, no chance this morning to do my regular depilation, exfoliation, moisturisation and general pampering of myself.  Time enough only to pull on a pair of pink lace panties and a matching bra beneath my male outer clothes.  With meetings in the city in the afternoon and much to work on in the office in the morning my day was full and then we had the office Christmas party in the evening.

On Wednesday though, i was up and out of bed before 5.00am and busy in the office finishing a little work but also putting my things together to go to Mistress Ana’s house and do Her cleaning.  i needed to get everything together in advance of others arriving to work and did so comfortably.  i also set up a number of jobs for my staff to get on with while i was out of the office, which was all day.  i left the office at 8.45am having delegated jobs and responsibilities and arrived at Mistress Ana’s just before 9.30am.  i had taken my dirty lingerie and a dress that also needed washing and put those into the washing machine the moment i arrived.  As i passed the downstairs bedroom, being used at the moment by Mistress Ana’s son and daughter in law, i noticed that the bed had been made but had since been lounged upon and so was untidy.  i could not resist going in and straightening it.

In the laundry, i noticed shoes that must belong to Mistress’ daughter in law.  i stopped briefly to admire two pairs of heels, thinking what good taste their owner had and wishing they had been my size for i admit that i liked them so much i doubt i could have resisted trying them on had they been anywhere near big enough!  i was surprised though, once in the laundry, to discover a small dog outside, whining at the door and wanting to get in and it yapped for a while once i had left and gone upstairs and changed into white lace bra and matching thong, white thigh high stockings, black patent leather stiletto heels, black mini skirt and black blouse, white apron and my long red wig.  For good measure, i added some lipstick and then set about my chores.

All of the curtains were drawn so i opened them up so as to get a good look at what might need doing and decided first that i would dust and wipe down all of the surfaces.  i worked systematically from Mistress’ en-suite bathroom, Her bedroom, then office and additional toilet before doing the kitchen and lounge followed by the staircase.  While doing so, i noticed that the bedroom and office windows really needed to be cleaned so i did them both inside and out.  While i was on the balcony outside the bedroom and office, i became conscious of a man from over the road being out in the front of his house doing some work in the garden.  i wondered what he was thinking for he must have noticed a mini-skirted maid busy on the balcony and i also wondered if he had noticed that i was bearded! These thoughts did not phase me though and i just worked on as quickly and as efficiently as i could.

Part way through cleaning the windows, i realised that my laundry would have finished washing so went back downstairs to hang it out to dry.  i kept the dog from gaining entry but did pat it and make friends with it before taking in washing on the line that had dried and hanging out my own.  Once i had done the windows and dusted and wiped all the surfaces i vaccuumed the carpets and swept the floors.  i wanted also to clean the tiled floors but was running out of time, having a business meeting scheduled for 1.30pm, so i quickly mopped over the worst areas so at least the floors looked reasonable – not as good as i would have wanted them to look but at least better than they were.

i so wished that i had had more time to have been able to clean the house more thoroughly and all the time i was cleaning there, knowing that Mistress’ daughter in law was living there, i was very conscious of the fact that in a way, i was essentially setting a standard by which someone else, other than Mistress, was going to judge my work.  Just as when Mistress’ youngest son was living there, i knew that he would see the results of my efforts, so too would Mistress’ daughter in law and i felt that she, being a woman, would be a far more severe judge of my efforts and i so wanted my work to be good enough to satisfy her for in a way, my performance reflected the control, influence and training i have received from Mistress Ana and for me to underperform would in a way reflect upon Her and any adverse criticism was the last thing i wanted.  Only time will tell whether i succeeded in my efforts to please all concerned.

Another strange feeling i had while working away at Mistress’ house was whether or not i might encounter either Her son or daughter in law in person.  i have said before that discovery, while humiliating, is something that i almost wish for because in my heart of hearts, i want people to know that i am a slave and belong to Mistress for in my opinion it could only add to Mistress’ already high esteem no matter what effect or how humiliating it might be for me and, as Her slave, the better i am in my work so too the greater the esteem reflects upon my Owner.  i do know of course that the true depth of my relationship with Mistress Ana has not been revealed to Her family and so would never do anything to change that but there is a certain part of me that truly wishes that it become general knowledge that i am owned by, belong to, am the slave of and gladly serve Mistress Ana, and that this is as much a function of my need to be known to be submissive as it is to raise the status of and aura that surrounds my Owner, Mistress Ana.

Christmas Eve was of course like a mad house.  i tried hard to complete outstanding work and send out new quotations and proposals for more work but didn’t quite get everything finished.  my children and grandchildren began arriving mid day but i had also to spend most of the morning running errands for my Wife – shopping for last minute things for dinner, lunch etc. as well as a couple of extra stocking fillers for my Wife.  The afternoon and evening was spent with family and we all enjoyed a lovely Christmas Eve dinner of roast turkey with all of the trimmings.

Christmas Day began with early Mass at the local church followed by our traditional full breakfast outside by the swimming pool, cooked by myself on the barbeque and washed down with champagne.  We then spent a delightful morning exchanging gifts with most eyes of course on my grandson of 15 months.  By early afternoon all guests had gone and my Wife and i were left to our own devices – time to check out my own gifts and quietly relax and recover from the hectic last few days.  On the excuse of needing to download pictures from my camera, i was able to get over to my office late in the afternoon where i opened the gifts given to me by Mistress Ana.  She gave me a lovely “baby love” pamper pack and some chocolates making me feel very feminine and much loved.  i do have a gift for Mistress of course but She will not be able to receive it until we meet up again.

Boxing Day is a big sports day in Australia and also a major shopping day in the sales.  The female in me would have loved to go shopping but not in the mad crazy rush of the sales so it was a quiet day watching sport on TV and entertaining occasional visitors.  Both yesterday and today i wore the same pink lace bra beneath my male clothes with pink lace panties to match.  No real opportunities to go online but i did find out why “My Virtual Model” is not working – they are re-vamping the site and it will be back on line on January 4th.  By then i will be in England and staying with my mother in law.  Not much chance to be femme in that environment and it will be difficult enough to wear even panties beneath my male clothes to say nothing of keeping the CB-2000 chastity device secret.  However, i am almost at the point where i would like it to be discovered by my wife.  It would take some explaining but i have an idea of the approach i will take as and when it happens and somehow i want Her to know that deep inside i need such control on my sexual function and also need to express my feminine side.  She need not know about Mistress Ana but it would open up an opportunity for Her to take advantage of the situation and take control, something i have longed for all of our married life.  However, i seriously doubt that She would change Her approach to me and my ways but it would take away the need for me to be so secretive about wearing female lingerie and of course the chastity device if She would only accept that it is something i need to do.

Friday December 11th – Monday December 21st 2009 – travellers tales

A very hectic period of travel and business which is why i have not been keeping up to date with my blog.

On my last day in Lima, i visited Goddess Joyce and Her baby.  It was also Senora Sylvia’s birthday and so i was fortunate enough to catch up with Her too and give Her a small gift – a silver photo frame in which She can put a photo of Her new grandson.  For Vincent, the grandson, i bought a silver spoon.  Goddess was very pleased with me.  She looked gorgeous as ever and i so wished i could have stayed longer but, i had a flight to catch and had to leave within an hour of arriving.  Earlier, i had had a number of business meetings in and around the city so my arrival was late as it was.

That night, i flew from Peru to London, via Madrid, arriving in London early Saturday evening.  i spent that night and the Sunday night with vanilla friends who live close to Heathrow in a small cottage.  No chance to dress “en femme” apart from the usual underwear and i chose matching pink lace bra and panties.  On the Monday, i travelled into London itself to stay in a hotel close to the conference venue in the West End.  My hotel was just off Oxford St. close to Marble Arch and about 20 minutes walk to the conference that was held in Piccadilly.  i chose to walk to and from the meeting every day which took me past some fantastic shops with some wonderful things on show, many on sale so i delighted in window shopping the first couple of days but, on the Wednesday, just had to buy a matching bra and pantie set that i saw in La Senza on Oxford St. They are white with pink polka dots and pink lace trim.  They are truly sissy!  On the same day, over the road, i found s hop with some wicked skirts and dresses going quite cheap and couldn’t resist a black dress with fine white polka dots, a tight fitting bodice, halter neck and a flared 50’s style skirt.  i couldn’t wait to get back to my hotel and try them on but had to go to a conference dinner and so it was after midnight before i was able to discover just how good a fit they all were.

The following morning, i had to check out of the hotel, leave my bags there while at the conference and return to collect them later on my way to the airport.  A severe weather warning was issued around lunchtime and so i left the meeting mid-afternoon so as to avoid the worst of the rush hour and impending bad weather en route to the airport.  i was lucky.  i got to the airport in good time, checked in and was in the club lounge drinking a gin and tonic when the blizzard broke.  It meant my flight was delayed by 4 hours but i got away – many didn’t.

i travelled home in the new bra and panties beneath my male outer clothes, feeling happily feminine.  Due to our late departure from Heathrow, just about everyone missed their connecting flight in Singapore, including me so i was accommodated in a lovely hotel at the airline’s expense for the night.  i was also lucky there, getting the only seat on the first available flight first thing the next morning and managed to get home late on Saturday afternoon.

The weekend was, of course, spent catching up with family and jobs around the house that had been left for my return and so no real opportunity to go online or dress properly “en femme” but gratefully all is well at home and we now start the frantic run down to Christmas at work where i need to finish 3 jobs before Wednesday night as well as do my Christmas shopping, go to Mistress Ana’s house and do the cleaning and chase up the bondage equipment and toys that Mistress Ana wishes to buy.

i did catch up with Mistress Ana today online and we chatted for a while.  i really do miss Her so much but felt really good when She complimented me on my avitar here on this blog and on Messenger.  She told me She had shown it to 2 other women at work who couldn’t believe that i was male and all complimented me on my breasts.  It really gave this gurl a boost to her self esteem!  We also chatted more about the “pussy collar” and how we are both fantasising about the device.  i imagine myself locked in place between Her thighs, kneeling on a small wheeled trolley with hands bound behind my back so that i would be taken with Her wherever She went, all covered though by Her billowing kaftan – i would be in 7th heaven and doing my lingual utmost to take Her to the same place.  We finally agreed that i would go and do Her cleaning on Wednesday so that is something to look forward to, an opportunity to serve a wonderful Mistress while enjoying myself dressed fully “en femme!”

Sadly, in all the time covered by this entry, MyVirtual Model has been offline – i miss creating my looks a lot and cannot imagine what has happened to it.

Monday December 7th 2009 – The Experience Project and “My Secret Life”

Back to work today.  So much to do that i did not linger in bed this morning but was up, dressed and at my desk by 7.00am.  Not before i had slipped into pink lace bra and panties though.  True, i had to wear male clothes on top but i still felt good wearing my favourite colour underneath.  The office was quiet for most of the day and i was able to wear open toed maroon, stacked stiletto heels almost all day while at my desk and at times whenever i moved around the room and from 6.00pm, i was able to slip out of the drab male garb and into a flouncy cream coloured dress with a pink and cerise coloured flower print pattern.  Much more like it and once the wig was in place, i felt quite at home.  Pity about the beard having to be grown back for i felt very much like stepping out and going round the corner to the nearest Starbucks for a coffee.  It is only about 5 blocks away and could be quite an adventure.  It is quite the place for people to hang out and who knows what might happen if ever i ventured there “en femme” – not that i have yet had either the opportunity or the nerve to go there “en femme” and alone.

So, i stayed at my desk and am happy to say managed to get the most pressing job out of the way and one or two other incidental jobs that arose during the day.  Nothing else to report though.  No sign of Mistress Ana on line and no response to phoning Goddess Joyce.  i am still feeling excruciatingly horny but gave my nipples a wide berth today, not only in deference to the wishes of Mistress Ana but also because of the growing frustration toying with them brings.  So, an element of self control is returning but for how long it will last, i can’t say.  My state of arousal and frustration is like nothing i have experienced before.

i have come across and signed on to “Experience Project” – a site where people can join and give details about their experiences across a wide range of subjects and situations without fear of exposure and so meet and get to know others who have had similar or would like to have similar experiences.  Naturally, most of my entries have been on my cross dressing and submissive experiences but i have made some new friends there and am finding that opening up about past experiences and activities is quite liberating in a way.  Not that i had any feelings of guilt that i was aware of but it seems that in sharing these experiences i am ridding myself of a burden.  Also, i find others on the project who express similar emotions and who have similar experiences in coping with their sexuality as i have and am experiencing and so by sharing these aspects of our secret lives with others it is like no longer having to hide behind a facade so at to just appease or fit into society’s norms. One of my entries has been a description of “My Secret Life” which details my being a cross dresser or sissy.  I repeat it here:-

My Secret Life

From the moment i first pulled on a skirt at the age of 10 or 11 i have known that i should have been born female.  Although this first time was at the behest of an elder female cousin with whom i was infatuated, in hindsight, it was only a matter of time before i became the cross dresser i am.  i had up until then always felt more comfortable in the company of girls without dressing as one and my infatuation with my female cousin was probably envy and a desire to be like her rather than any male-female attraction.

Since that first time, i have continued to cross-dress whenever i can.  There have been times when i have tried to give up cross dressing, due largely to society’s non acceptance of such behaviour, especially at the time i grew up in rural England.  However, inevitably i returned to cross dressing, replacing clothes i had thrown out with new ones.  But it all had to be done secretly and i found myself having to behave more macho with guys at school and college in order to better hide my secret.

There have been times when i was sure it was a sickness and i now know that it is a medical condition called Gender Dysphoria.  i thought that it was something that i would either eventually grow out of or be cured of.  i thought that when i married i would no longer need to cross dress for the sexual satisfaction that it gave me but that was when i discovered that cross dressing for me was much  more than a turn on and a prelude to masturbation, it was indeed a way of life.  Being sexually active with my wife did nothing to dampen my desire to express my femininity and become female even if only temporarily by donning women’s clothes. Though my wife discovered my secret, she refuses to have anything to do with or to encourage me in any way and has tried many times to force me to stop cross-dressing but had become resigned to the fact that this is an itch that i have to scratch and so turns a blind eye.

So, now, because i travel a lot, i am able to take female clothes with me and cross-dress and be the woman that i am inside in public.  i go out dressed “en femme” and love it.  i have a number of lady friends who know of my cross-dressing and who encourage it and take me out with them as if i were a girlfriend and we go shopping or have a manicure/pedicure together and so on.  These are times when i genuinely feel comfortable and at ease with myself.

i work hard at being as feminine as i can be by keeping my body hair to a minimum, using moisturisers and facial creams and i dress every day in bra and panties beneath my male outer clothes.  i can often get away with wearing stiletto heels while at my desk at work.  Having to remain secretive about my lifestyle is not satisfactory and i dream of being able to be my feminine self all of the time.   However, i made a choice to marry 35 years ago and i have 3 wonderful children and a grandson and in deference to their wishes, my life as a cross dresser shall remain a secret at least for the foreseeable future.

Saturday December 5th 2009 – the fire burning within

A luscious lazy start to the weekend, lingering in bed in my satin PJ’s contemplating my situation and thinking of Mistress Ana and Her control of me and my sexual function.  This of course added to my state of arousal and frustration but yet i am not about to break the seal on the CB-2000 nor resort to trying to find a way to reach an orgasm with the chastity device in place.  However, as i lay in bed, half dozing, i set to thinking about the significance of having surrendered control of my sexual function to another person, specifically to Mistress Ana.  If i was not locked into a chastity device it would be easy to masturbate and obtain relief but would it bring any satisfaction?  i began to reflect along the theme that masturbation is a weak attempt at self satisfaction and shows a lack of self control.  Having said that, i know myself well enough to know that without the cock cage in place, i would not have the will power or self control to stop myself from regular masturbation.  i have also experienced that deep and profound orgasm that comes from being manipulated by another, an orgasm that far supercedes the climax brought on by masturbation.  It is that very loss of control and being manipulated by another that renders the climax so much more powerful and so with that thought in my mind, i began to feel secure and safe in CB-2000 and happy to have surrendered myself and my sexual function to Mistress Ana.

i eventually got out of bed and dressed fully “en femme” straight away for my business associate had left early for a family function.  So it was with some joy that i got out of bed and put on a pink lace bra and matching pink mesh and lace panties, a short brown pleated mini-skirt, a pink cross-over top, my long red wig, and the low heeled pink and grey sling back shoes given to me by Mistress Ana.  Next, i took myself to the laundry and hand washed all my dirty underwear, all two weeks of it.  i had not had chance to do so last weekend because i was out in the mountains so today’s washing was a bigger job than usual.  Nevertheless, i quite enjoyed doing my feminine chores, hanging them out to dry on the line in full view of neighbours, not caring if i was seen, indeed half hoping i would be.

Once the washing was out on the line, i went to my desk and caught up with some correspondence and some accounts while listening to music.  i can’t describe how good it felt to be able to be true to my inner feminine self, moving around the apartment “en femme” with total freedom and then in the early afternoon, slipping out to the supermarket, not really to buy anything in particular but just to get outside and stretch my legs.  The cool breeze felt delicious on my bare legs and i couldn’t resist taking my time and walking around another block to call at a chemist to buy some more Domperidone.  i am gradually building up a large supply of the drug so that when the time is right, i can make a prolonged and concerted effort at initiating lactation in my breasts.  i walked around for about an hour and then returned to the apartment and made myself a meal.  i had washed the dishes and then brought in my underwear from the washing line and had begun to change back into male outer clothes to go and visit vanilla friends who had invited me for dinner when my associate returned from his family event.  i was really only just in time, having got my panties and bras off the line only 15 minutes or so before he returned!

The evening was very enjoyable, purely vanilla but good conversation, company and food and it was midnight before i returned to my shared apartment and slipped back into my satin PJ’s and drifted off to sleep contemplating once again my good fortune firstly in having been able to go out “en femme” today and secondly at belonging to Mistress Ana, wondering and fantasising on being with Her “en femme” 24/7, adding more fuel to the emotional and physical arousal burning within me!

Wednesday December 2nd 2009 – There is none so free as the slave!

i finally managed to get hold of Goddess Joyce this morning and learned that She had had a caesarian section yesterday and so Vincent had arrived and weighed in at a hearty and healthy 4.16 kilos (about 9 and a half pounds) and 52cm in length.  All went well and both mother and baby are doing fine.  i have been invited to go to the clinic and visit but will need to go and buy a small gift first.

i also had a good chat today with Mistress Ana.  Strange that we had both been thinking/fantasising about me being in service to Her 24/7.  i have to confess that were my wife to pass away before me then i would most definitely seek such a position of permanent and continual slavery and were it not for my marriage, i would be doing so right now.  Mistress was of a similar sentiment with regard to Her own marriage.

Why would anyone want to enter into permanent full time slavery? It seems a crazy notion and that the proponent would have to be insane but i can assure any reader that i am far from insane and yet crave such a status.  It is a great paradox but slavery actually brings with it an enormous freedom, a freedom from responsibility in many ways for the slave has only ever to carry out his Master’s/Mistresses wishes and is never faced with having to make decisions or be responsible for others.  Having been a business leader for most of my life and a family head also, i am used to having responsibility for others and am generally considered to be a good leader and manager but that position carries with it a burden of responsibility whereas slavery carries no burden other than the burden of service which is a giving of one’s self.  i am by nature a giving person and so for me, to give myself to someone whom i love and adore is a natural desire and hence permanent full time slavery is a natural progression.  When considering the burden of responsibility, “there is none so free as the slave nor so bound as the Master” for as much as the slave does for his owner, the owner has duty of care and is responsible for the slave.

So, thoughts of being with Mistress Ana 24/7 are constantly on my mind and are a constant source of physical and emotional arousal for me.  i dream of sleeping chained to the foot of Her bed or of having a small cell where i am kept when not in use.  i dream of being permanently “en femme” and of not only doing Mistress housework but going out and doing Her shopping, Her cooking, running errands and carrying out all manner of different tasks and duties for Her.  What would be my reward?  Certainly a regular beating whether i have done anything seriously wrong or not but a beating to confirm and reassert status, but also love and nurturing, the delight of oral service and of being held, caressed and cherished by Her, and above all, the joy and satisfaction of giving pleasure to another and of making someone else’s life better.

Finally, i chose pink today, matching lace bra and panties.  It really is my favourite colour.  Also, i noticed that “Peeptoe Shoes” are having a sale.  Oh, how i adore some of those shoes, especially these gorgeous 4″ stiletto heeled strappy red sandals and just so wish i could both afford to buy them and also that i could manage to buy them in such a way that my wife would not find out!  Talking of sales, i have joined a website called “ideeli” which is an incredible site for bargains of all kinds.  Genuine designer clothes and goods at incredible discounts but such a pity that to take advantage of the offers you have to live in the USA.  If it were a global organisation it would be fantastic.

Tuesday December 1st 2009 – feeling like my old “femme” self once again!

December already!  Can’t think where the year has gone!

The good news is that i seem to be back to my old self again.  i slept so well last night, a full 9 hours and a bit more which is rare for me, and i woke feeling good and have felt great all day.  i slipped out of my satin snake-skin patterned PJ’s and into a lilac lace bra and matching panties before pulling on a green polo shirt and a pair of khaki shorts to wear around the office all day.  i had no meetings planned for today so it was good to be able to work at my desk with the low sling back stiletto heels Mistress Ana brought me from Thailand.  i did venture out a couple of times during the day though, once to drop off a pile of very dirty field clothes at the local laundry and the other to go to the jewelers to ask them to start Mistress’ pendant.  However, i was disappointed to find that the maker is in hospital and so they cannot do it for the time being.  So, i went to another jeweler nearby and they may be able to do it but i need to go back tomorrow with the design and talk directly to the man himself.  So, we start all over from the beginning.

i managed to chat very briefly to Goddess Joyce today.  She was in the clinic about to have Vincent either induced or delivered by caesarian.  At the time of my call she was unsure what they were going to do but certain that Vincent would make an appearance sooner now than later whichever method they chose.  We spoke around midday and it is now almost 11.00pm and no news so i am hoping all is well.  i will find out tomorrow.

i tried unsuccessfully to chat with Mistress Ana this morning.  She appeared to be online but i had no response so She was probably not at Her desk.  By the time i had been to the laundry and back She was offline so i missed Her.  She will be pleased to know that i am feeling well again.  Mistress had suggested that i go out and buy myself something feminine as a treat to give my spirits a lift and although i was feeling much better today and less in need of the lift, i did buy a couple of pairs of patterned nylon leggings,one in pink and the other in grape colours.  They were on offer in a shop i passed on the way back from the laundry and i couldn’t resist.  Since early evening, once all the office staff had gone home, with my business associate also out, i have been wearing the pink ones with a short pleated brown mini-skirt and a pink polo top, wig and the pink/cerise stiletto heeled sandals i bought earlier on the trip.  Oh how good it feels to be fully “en femme” and feeling my true self once again!

i spoke to my wife on the phone first thing this morning and all is well at home with Christmas for the family all now sorted.  i am trying to get an earlier flight home.  At the moment, i don’t get home until December 22nd but finish work in the UK on December 17th and could only get wait listed flights before the 22nd.  However, there is a chance that if i pay for an upgrade, i can get the flight on the 17th and be home on the 19th which will be much better both from a Christmas preparation point of view for the family and also for cleaning Mistress Ana’s house before the festivities.

Wednesday November 25th 2009 – My birthday – In the pink!

Yes, my birthday!  Not that at my age it is anything particularly special but special enough for me to linger a little longer in bed this morning, teasing my nipples through the satin of my PJ’s and fantasising of what might have been had i been born in a woman’s body.  All quite arousing both phyisically and emotionally but not good for a gurl in chastity!  So, i did not linger too long but got up and shaved, showered and moisturised.  i treated myself to my twice weekly depilation, exfoliation and moisturisation and when i had done, added an extra splash of perfume before slipping into a lovely matching pink lace and mesh bra and thong set which i really love.  It had to be pink today of all days!  What a pity i had to be at work and so had to put on ugly male clothes over the top!  i wore the pink, grey and brown shoes that Mistress Ana brought me from Thailand which was appropriate because as soon as i got to my desk this morning She was online and we were able to chat briefly.  She was very tired and had had to delay Her departure for Thailand because the equipment She was taking proved too big for checked in baggage and had to be sent by courier.  As a result She was only wait-listed on the next flight so i am hoping all went well and that She has arrived safely.

We did discuss Mistress’ ideas for a forthcoming lunch She will throw for D/s friends and associates and She will want myself and Her other slave, Paul to be there to serve in all meanings of the word and She did intimate that it would be a cock and pussy feast!  i know that will mean giving oral service to Mistress and/or Her guests and it is something i have long fantasised about.  i have said before on these pages that being a slave in a situation that is entirely private is fine but there is something special when one’s servitude and devotion to an Owner is demonstrated publicly in this way.  Many would consider it to be humiliating and degrading but in essence it is quite the opposite for it shows strength of character and devotion to another that speaks volumes more than the average expression of devotion in a vanilla relationship.  When the time comes, i shall serve to the best of my ability in whatever manner Mistress requires for i consider myself to be an extension of Her body and will, an instrument for Her pleasure and am proud to be chosen for whatever purpose She considers me suitable.

Mistress and i also have been discussing a new local Chapter of an ClubFEM, an international organisation for Dominant Females and submissive males.  The FEM stands for “Females Enslaving Males.”  They plan to have social gatherings, both vanilla and fetish, and this will be another forum where i shall hope to be able to make public my servitude and position as slave belonging to Mistress Ana.  The Club has a silver pendant and Mistress has asked me to see if i can get a gold version made for Her while i am away,   a task that i shall carry out with pleasure.

TheClubFEM silver pendant

The rest of my day was like any other day at work and with so much going on at the moment as i try to generate business, quite hectic.  i worked into the evening even though it was my birthday.  i had planned on dressing fully “en femme” and venturing to a bar for a drink but it became impossible when my associate decided that he was not going anywhere this evening.  i could have gone out in male mode but saw nothing special in that so decided to just work on and listen to music while i did so, holed up in my room with the door locked where at least i could slip into a dress and wig, be my feminine self and catch up on some useful document preparations.

Saturday November 21st 2009 – Sweet dreams, “femme” reality and D/s lifestlye debate

And sweet dreams they were!  So sweet in fact that i woke early and extremely horny.  i lay on my back in bed and felt an intense longing both physical and emotional.  It was like withdrawal symptoms i guess.  my body was crying out to be used, my nipples were hard and proudly jutting through my pink satin PJ’s and i could not resist playing with them even though i know that Mistress Ana would not approve and that i shall be punished for having done so.  Of course, this made my physical arousal all the more intense but try as i might, playing with my nipples myself does not bring me to an orgasm.  It is not the same as when Mistress Ana does it obviously and the more i think of Her the more i miss Her and the more my nipples and indeed my whole body aches.  And so, i did not linger long.  Knowing that touching my nipples would only add to my fruitless arousal, i climbed out of bed and took myself off to the bathroom, but not for a cold shower!

No, this morning was hair removal morning.  i went over my whole body with the No-No, or at least those parts that i can reach.  i did my face again for i am determined now to try and gradually kill off my facial hair.  i am under no illusion that this will take a long time but all the better then to start now.  After the No-No, i shaved my face and then decided to run the razor over the rest of my body too for the No-No does not get all of the hairs.  The result was a very smoothly shaven roxie indeed!  Next, i showered and exfoliated vigorously.  Oh what heaven it was in the hot stinging shower with my freshly shaved body all pink and tingling by the time i had finished.  After toweling myself dry, i began applying body lotion all over.  The door to my room was closed but it did not stop my business partner from just walking in unannounced.  i don’t know who was the more surprised or embarrassed, him from seeing me naked or me from not being sure whether or not he saw the CB-2000 before i grabbed a towel or whether he noticed i was hairless or perhaps even noticed the bra and panties that were still draped over the chair from yesterday!  i pulled a towel quickly around my waist as my partner announced he would be gone for the day.  i was delighted to hear this and tried my level best to show no embarrassment or discomfort as i wished him a great day with his lady friend.

After he left, i finished applying moisturiser to my face and hands and then dressed entirely “en femme.”  i applied make up, put on my wig and dressed in the same purple bra as yesterday and clean purple lace panties.  i chose a summery dress to wear and then put on a little jewelery, a lovely lapis lazuli and silver necklace and my ladies watch which i discovered in my jewelery bag after all.  i chose a pair of 4″ stiletto heels in a maroon colour that matched the dress and for which i had a matching handbag and then, putting money in the handbag, decided to go out shopping.  First i went to the supermarket to get a few items i needed for lunch today and tomorrow.  Just fresh vegetables really but it felt terrific to be outside in the fresh air, my newly depilated legs cooled by the breeze.  i attracted no attention as i shopped, at least none that i noticed, and the girl at the checkout certainly gave me no second glance.

i walked by to the office/apartment and left the groceries and then went out again.  This time i caught a cab which took me down to Miraflores.  i wanted to just wander around the shops, not looking for anything in particular other than a bargain perhaps.  And i found two!  First, i found a pair of gorgeous sandals in  beautiful dark pink or cerise colour.  It is rare to find shoes my size here in Peru because most Peruvians are small.  But, there they were!  My size, the last pair and on sale for just 50 Peruvian Soles (about $18).  i simply couldn’t resist.  i know i am supposed to seek Mistresss Ana’s permission before i buy such things but they might have gone by the time i returned with permission and so i tried them, found they fit and bought them.  You can see them below as well as how well the match the dress i wore today.

The real look of today showing the new shoes

Gorgeous colour plus 4″ heels, ankle strap and no platform

Gorgeous colour plus 4″ heels, ankle strap and no platform

Gorgeous colour plus 4″ heels, ankle strap and no platform

red with black polka dot satin baby doll pyjamas

snake skin pattern satin baby doll pyjamas

But then there was a second bargain!  i wandered into the lingerie department of Falabella (a big department store) and found that they had two-piece satin baby-doll pyjama sets selling for just 30 soles ($10) so i bought two sets, one in red with black dots and the other a sort of snake-skin pattern with white lace trim as you can see.

Satisfied at this, i returned to the office/apartment, eager to try on the pyjamas and shoes.  All fit beautifully and i am so in love with the shoes, i still have them on now as i write, close to the end of the day.  Yes, it is late now, and my business partner has not yet returned but will do soon so i had best either look as if i am already in bed and asleep or change back into male mode.  i think i will go for the former and wear one of my new pyjama sets.  Oh what a wonderful all feminine day i have had.

Oh, one last thing, this evening Lady Dynah was online and we chatted for about an hour.  It was good to have a long chat with Her again, especially on video cam.  She has cut Her hair shorter which suits Her and makes Her look younger in my opinion.  We chatted about my business plans and opportunities perhaps for some of Her friends to invest and then moved on to some of the doubts that She has about the D/s lifestyle and reconciling it with Her strong Christian beliefs.  This is not a new discussion between us and i maintain that as long as both Domme and sub are consenting then each is doing the other a service and so it cannot be a sin.  But is it fornication?  While fornication is considered a sin, then any sexual activity, even within marriage, that is not aimed at procreation would also be a sin and we accept contraception so why should a strong D/s relationship be any different?  Both the Domme and the sub have a need and each satisfies that need in the other so it is a sort of symbiosis, a mutual benefit that does no one any harm and does the individuals a lot of good in satisfying innate physical and emotional needs.  As ever, we parted with Lady Dynah in agreement but then it is Sunday tomorrow and that might just see those doubts return.

No contact today with Goddess Joyce.  i had expected to get a phone call with instructions to go to the farmers market for Her but nothing.  i tried phoning Her but got no response so maybe baby Vincent is arriving or has arrived.  i will call again tomorrow.

Friday November 20th 2009 – thoughts on shaving my beard

This morning i decided to defer my usual depilation, exfoliation and moisturisation day until tomorrow.  When at home, i do this on Tuesdays and Fridays because those are the mornings when my wife is out of the house very early which means i have the bathroom entirely to myself and can go about the process without Her knowing.  In Lima, i prefer to do it on Saturdays and Wednesdays.  Saturdays because it being the weekend means i can take my time over it and Wednesdays simply because i need to do this twice a week to keep on top of things.  i really dislike being hairy and it is so nice to be in Lima and not have to wear my beard.  i dislike shaving also though so there is my dilemma!  i hate my beard but i hate shaving – i can’t win.  i might though.  This morning, i needed to shave my face at least and decided to first give it a try with the No-No.  i was not sure it would work there with the beard being such coarse hair but it seemed to work well.  It didn’t remove all of the hair but i could tell from the continual smell of burning hair that at least some hair was receiving the treatment.  i then shaved normally afterward and had the smoothest finish in a long time.  With luck, using the No-No will discourage regrowth and over time i may reach the point where the beard growth is so weak my wife is happy to allow me to leave it off permanently and the need to shave will not be as frequent either.

i chose to wear a purple satin bra with a cute bow in the centre of the cleavage and a matching purple satin thong under my male clothes today.  Surprisingly, although narrow, the thong actually fits over the CB-2000 chastity device quite well and rarely slides off to leave the cock cage outside of my underwear.   Some of the lace panties i have are wider in that area and might be expected to accommodate the cock cage more easily but they tend to slide off to the side and can become quite uncomfortable.

Today was catch up with people day.  i am more or less on top of work now and so called a few friends to see what might be happening and to tee up meetings for next week to try and win some business.  i was quite relieved that nothing much was happening over the weekend because i desperately want to spend time totally “en femme” and am half expecting to have to run some errands for Goddess Joyce over the weekend.

This evening, once again, as soon as my office staff left and my business partner went out for the evening, i threw off my male clothes and slipped into a short brown pleated mini skirt and pink top that both go well with the shoes Mistress Ana brought me from Thailand.  i put the shoes on and my long red wig and a touch of make up and i was set to relax, cooking myself a nice meal of pan seared salmon and a garden salad, washed down with an Australian shiraz.

Once fed, i curled up in my room with my book which i finished before going to bed for a change rather than falling asleep with it.  i was tired though by this time and so slipped into my pink striped sating PJ’s and went to bed where i drifted off to sleep once again fantasising of how life would be were i collared and enslaved 24/7 to Mistress Ana, permanently “en femme” and ever at Her beck and call; wouldn’t it be wonderful!  Such sweet dreams……………………………

Thursday November 19th 2009 – Virtually dressed and in love with shoes

That feminine feeling lasted through the night and i woke this morning feeling very sexy in my pink satin PJ’s and also very horny.  i knew of course that while being sexually aroused felt good, it was not going to lead to anything.  My cock pressed against the CB-2000 cock cage chastity device reminded me of that.  It was not a painful or uncomfortable pressing for i cannot get really hard but it was enough pressure to feel good and to remind me that that was as good as it was going to get.  i lay on my back in bed, luxuriating for a moment in my feminine nightwear and couldn’t resist running my hands up over my breasts and feeling the cool sating against my nipples.  This of course increased my arousal and had me thinking of Mistress Ana and imagining, as i lay there with my eyes closed, that they were Her fingers toying with my nipples.  It was not the same though and, knowing that this was only going to lead to frustration, i quickly got out of bed and headed for the shower.

Choosing clothes to wear from my limited travel wardrobe was quite easy for i still have to wear my male outer clothes over my feminine underwear on work days.  However, this morning, before dressing myself, i went online to “My Virtual Model” and dressed virtually in clothes that i might choose for a day in the office.  This is fun and as close to the real thing as i can get.  The website offers an extensive wardrobe, far bigger than i could ever afford, so i can try on a range of things and have something new every day.  i have of course been using this site for a while and linking my looks created there to my gravatar here, but it was such fun this morning deciding what to wear as if it were real that i think i shall try to do it every day, time permitting.  That finished, i chose the same silver grey satin bra as yesterday but clean silver grey lace panties to go with it under my male clothes.

Work was work and i was busy all day but did find some time to check out some of my favourite websites like “A girl’s guide to shoes.” i love the choices of shoes that Stacy shows on this site and today was no exception and i fell in love with the pairs shown below.  Oh that i could just go out and buy such shoes!  i just love anything with an ankle strap and high stiletto heels.  The higher the heel the better and preferably with no platform, hidden or otherwise!

Gorgeous colour and with ankle strap AND bow!

Classic pump with peeptoe and a very feminine bow

No opportunities to chat with Mistress Ana today so i am wondering how She went with Her exam.  my fingers are still crossed!  i did speak to Goddess Joyce on the phone though.  Baby Vincent has still not arrived and it may be that he will arrive on the same day as m birthday, November 25th!  Goddess has invited me to join them for Thanksgiving, provided of course baby Vincent doesn’t interfere with the plans, so i shall look forward to that.  No doubt too, Goddess will have some errands for me to run or some chores in the meantime.

This evening, i had a late business meeting in the office with my partners and so there was no opportunity to dress fully “en femme” apart from at bedtime when i slipped back into my pink striped satin PJ’s once more.