Sunday December 6th 2009 – pampering myself followed by confession of crime and punishment

This morning i treated myself to a pampering.  First, depilation with my No-No followed by exfoliation with a really vigorous body scrub in a hot stinging shower so that i was left glowing pink all over.  Then i did my nails, giving myself both manicure and pedicure.  How sad though that i could not paint them!  i love having my nails painted but it is too much of a give away around the office if i use anything other than natural and i do so like to see them in a deep red or pretty pink.  So, it was just a clipping and filing today before applying hand and nail cream.  i also treated myself to a liberal covering of body lotion and face cream before applying some Nivea roll-on deodorant and perfume spray so that i felt fresh, clean and envigorated when i slipped into a clean white lace bra and matching panties.  Nothing like pure white on a Sunday!

Sadly, no chance to go entirely “en femme” today for my business associate and flat mate decided to stay home all day!  It didn’t stop me wearing a pair of white flat heeled open toed pumps at my desk where i worked on and off all day but it was still a bit of a let down after yesterday, especially as today would be the last day i could have gone out “en femme” because from now on i must let my beard grow back so that it is looking normal when i get home to my wife.

i chatted with Mistress Ana today.  She commented on how much She liked my “look of the day” yesterday and the mini-skirt in particular.  She had shared it with a girl in Her office in Thailand so now more people know of my sissy nature.   However, while pleased with my look, as i might have expected, She is not pleased with me having been playing with my nipples and i shall be punished for it when we next are able to be together.  i knew this would be the case and it raises the question why would i admit to it knowing it would mean i would be punished and suffer a sore backside as a result?  Surely, i could keep this misdemeanour to myself, Mistress would never know and i would not suffer the consequences.  Well, firstly, as a slave, i shall be punished and disciplined from time to time whether i have done anything particularly naughty or not.  That is the way of things for Mistress will always seek to assert and exercise Her authority and control.  Thus, i may as well admit to being naughty and be punished at least for something that i know i have done wrong.  But it is more than that.  It goes deeper.  By misbehaving and not admitting to it i am being deceitful.  True, Mistress may never find out but i would know that i am not being true to Her and by admitting my faults i can at least continue to respect myself.  In relationships built on trust, i want to be able to reply to any questioning on my behaviour honestly whether i have done right or wrong for sooner or later, Mistress is going to ask me about my behaviour while alone and if i cannot reply honestly it will show and my punishment would be all the more severe.

So, why play with my nipples anyway when i know that it will only get me into trouble?  The answer there is that i am weak and i just so love the sensations they cause within me when i tease them that i cannot help myself.  Perhaps in time, i will learn more self control.  The enhancement of my sexual frustration and the painful consequences of it at the hands of Mistress Ana may, in time, instill that discipline in me.  i will try hard to overcome the temptation but i will also continue to admit and confess when i fail.

Wednesday November 25th 2009 – My birthday – In the pink!

Yes, my birthday!  Not that at my age it is anything particularly special but special enough for me to linger a little longer in bed this morning, teasing my nipples through the satin of my PJ’s and fantasising of what might have been had i been born in a woman’s body.  All quite arousing both phyisically and emotionally but not good for a gurl in chastity!  So, i did not linger too long but got up and shaved, showered and moisturised.  i treated myself to my twice weekly depilation, exfoliation and moisturisation and when i had done, added an extra splash of perfume before slipping into a lovely matching pink lace and mesh bra and thong set which i really love.  It had to be pink today of all days!  What a pity i had to be at work and so had to put on ugly male clothes over the top!  i wore the pink, grey and brown shoes that Mistress Ana brought me from Thailand which was appropriate because as soon as i got to my desk this morning She was online and we were able to chat briefly.  She was very tired and had had to delay Her departure for Thailand because the equipment She was taking proved too big for checked in baggage and had to be sent by courier.  As a result She was only wait-listed on the next flight so i am hoping all went well and that She has arrived safely.

We did discuss Mistress’ ideas for a forthcoming lunch She will throw for D/s friends and associates and She will want myself and Her other slave, Paul to be there to serve in all meanings of the word and She did intimate that it would be a cock and pussy feast!  i know that will mean giving oral service to Mistress and/or Her guests and it is something i have long fantasised about.  i have said before on these pages that being a slave in a situation that is entirely private is fine but there is something special when one’s servitude and devotion to an Owner is demonstrated publicly in this way.  Many would consider it to be humiliating and degrading but in essence it is quite the opposite for it shows strength of character and devotion to another that speaks volumes more than the average expression of devotion in a vanilla relationship.  When the time comes, i shall serve to the best of my ability in whatever manner Mistress requires for i consider myself to be an extension of Her body and will, an instrument for Her pleasure and am proud to be chosen for whatever purpose She considers me suitable.

Mistress and i also have been discussing a new local Chapter of an ClubFEM, an international organisation for Dominant Females and submissive males.  The FEM stands for “Females Enslaving Males.”  They plan to have social gatherings, both vanilla and fetish, and this will be another forum where i shall hope to be able to make public my servitude and position as slave belonging to Mistress Ana.  The Club has a silver pendant and Mistress has asked me to see if i can get a gold version made for Her while i am away,   a task that i shall carry out with pleasure.

TheClubFEM silver pendant

The rest of my day was like any other day at work and with so much going on at the moment as i try to generate business, quite hectic.  i worked into the evening even though it was my birthday.  i had planned on dressing fully “en femme” and venturing to a bar for a drink but it became impossible when my associate decided that he was not going anywhere this evening.  i could have gone out in male mode but saw nothing special in that so decided to just work on and listen to music while i did so, holed up in my room with the door locked where at least i could slip into a dress and wig, be my feminine self and catch up on some useful document preparations.

Wednesday November 18th 2009 – Back to the feminine me

How nice to be able to get up in the morning having slept in my pink striped satin pyjamas, then go to the bathroom, remove my beard, depilate using my No-No, exfoliate in a stinging hot shower, towel dry and then moisturise all over with body lotion and then face and hand creams, splash on some perfume and then slip into silver grey satin bra and matching panties and feel oh so very feminine!  Sadly, the downside was that i still had to wear male outer clothes for the day in the office but while at my desk i was at least able to wear my pink, grey and brown sling back heels that Mistress Ana brought me from Thailand.  It was all very busy at work and the day just flew by.  i managed to catch Mistress Ana online for a brief chat which was lovely.  She was up late studying for an exam so i have my fingers crossed for Her.  It seems that Lucy is still very much on Her mind.  Mistress does not want to see his marriage break up and is insisting that he continues to try and reconcile things with his wife.  Mistress will not be seeing him for a while.

i understand entirely where Mistress is coming from and fully support Her in trying to keep Lucy and his wife together.  But the issue sets me to thinking what if…….?  It could be me that is in Lucy’s position if my wife were to find out that i was serving Mistress Ana.  She knows of my cross dressing but turns a blind eye most of the time.  She also knows that i am submissive and i am sure that She knows that i serve others but She does not want to be presented with the evidence so as long as i remain discrete She lets me be.  However, things could always change.  Who knows what straw might just break the donkey’s back?  i dreamed the other night of my wife discovering the CB-2000 chastity device and my embarrassment as i tried to explain about it.  i have in mind an answer but would She accept it?  Who knows?  Every married sub dreams that in such a situation the wife would simply say right, that’s it.  If that is what you want we can start right now……..and the wife take control of Her husband and enslaves him and, in my case, continues with my feminisation.  But would it happen like that?  In Lucy’s case it appears not.  In my case, where i to be discovered once more, would my wife say enough is enough and take control?  i honestly doubt it.  Would She allow me to continue in service to Mistress Ana while remaining married to Her, i doubt that also.  i can only do my best to ensure that the situation never arises.

This evening, once everyone had left the office and my business partner had gone out to dinner, i slipped into a brown crinkle calf length skirt and a pink short sleeved top, pulled on my long red wig, applied a little lipstick and mascara and then went to the kitchen and prepared myself dinner. It felt so good to be fully “en femme” moving about the kitchen, a glass of gin and tonic to one side while i cooked and then to sit down with dinner and a glass of red wine, relaxing and feeling my true self.  i cleared the dishes and washed up before returning to my room where i relaxed further, catching up on some reading and listening to some music albeit with one ear on the apartment door in case my business partner returned early.  i was still feeling tired from my journey and so at 10.00pm, i slipped into my pink striped satin PJ’s, climbed into bed and turned out the light feeling very feminine indeed.

Friday November 13th 2009 – More chores for Mistress Ana

Friday and having done my depilation and exfoliation yesterday, this morning i showered and gave myself the requisite enema before splashing on a touch of perfume and slipping into pale blue lace panties that matched the dress i had decided to take to wear for Mistress Ana today.  First though, i had a plumber to deal with so had to wear my male clothes over the top of the panties.  Fortunately, the plumber arrived more or less on time and so i was able to leave for Mistress’ house by 10.45am and arrived around 11.15.

i was surprised to see a large van parked outside as i arrived and felt a little apprehensive as i climbed the stairs.  However, there was no need for any apprehension on my part, the van belonged to a sales rep for equipment Mistress was purchasing for Her business in Thailand.  i made us coffee and we all three chatted until the rep left.  Mistress then showed me how the dead bolt on Her back door had broken and dispatched me off to the local hardware store to get a replacement which i did and fitted as soon as i returned.  Mistress then had me remake the bed downstairs for Her daughter is arriving this evening.  i made up the bed, secretly wishing that i could be still in service with Mistress when Her daughter arrived for Mistress has told me that Her daughter knows all about me and would dominate me also.  There is something even more poignant about serving Mistress and someone else being present and knowing of it, possibly having me serve them also.  It sort of makes the relationship and my position as slave more public.  While many would think this to be humiliating, to me it is a desirable part of being a slave.  There is much to be gained for me emotionally from being Mistress’ slave but if no one else knows of this or witnesses my servitude, it is diminished somewhat in its impact.  i have wanted to be owned and enslaved for so long, i need confirmation of my position underscored by the relationship being known to and witnessed by others.  Mistress has made it clear that this will happen before too long and so i know that my time will arrive but as i made up the bed for Mistresses daughter, i couldn’t help but dream and wish it was to happen later today.

Only once i had made up the bed was i able to change into the turquoise lace dress and matching medium sized turquoise stiletto heels that i had taken with me to Mistress’ house so that She could get an idea of other aspects of my wardrobe.  i wore no bra with this dress which delighted Mistress, who’s first instinct was to put Her hand inside the top and fondle my breasts, play with and suckle briefly on my nipples.  Ooohhhh, the sensation was electric.  my nipples were still tender from yesterday’s prolonged attention and the touch of Mistress’ fingers and then mouth sent delicious tingles right through my body.  i did not want Her to stop and was instantly aroused and at that moment, i was like putty in Her hands and She could have done anything to me or demanded i do anything for Her.  i have become addicted  to her and intoxicated in my love for and desire to serve Her.

The nipple play was only brief but it set me on fire and i felt very much aroused as i went off to do the ironing that i had been unable to finish yesterday.  Another chore but one that i have no qualms about for to me it is like a prayer or act of worship from me to Her and i do the work gladly and happily.  Once i had finished the ironing, there was time for me just to quickly sweep the floor before i had to take my leave.  The last time i shall see Her for several weeks due to our respective travel schedules.  However, Mistress allowed me a final taste of Her nectar before i departed and gave me instructions as to the chores She expects me to carry out whenever i am in town, even though She Herself might be away.  i drove away feeling sad that i shall not be able to see Her for such a long time but so happy that i am Her slave and that i have such a wonderful Owner to serve and devote my attention to.  Mistress reminded me that the CB-2000 must remain in place, something that others might consider a severe loss of liberty but which to me is a comfort knowing that She has complete control of my sexual function and wants me to remain entirely under Her control, even though i may visit other Dommes such as Goddess Joyce on my travels.  i will be seeing Goddess Joyce and i will most certainly be given chores to do by Her but Goddess Joyce accepts that i now belong to Mistress Ana and am essentially on loan to Her while i am in Peru. Furthermore, the thought that it will now be at least 2 months before i am even remotely likely to be granted another orgasm hardly entered my head in spite of feeling both emotionally and physically aroused by serving Mistress Ana today.  It may in time prove to become a challenge for me to bear but as i write, the memory of the orgasm i had yesterday will take a long time to fade and it was so much more profound than any masturbation that i shall endure my chastity for the reward of another such wonderful experience at the hands of my Mistress, Domme and Owner,

Tuesday November 10th 2009 – stiff, sore and disappointed

Well, today was a difficult day, not least because i woke up stiff and sore from my sporting exertions of yesterday.  i really do need to improve my fitness and lose some weight!  The other bad thing about today was not being able to visit and serve Mistress Ana.  i was so looking forward to it that because it had been postponed until Friday i really did not feel like getting out of bed this morning.  i did though and slipped into a white lace bra and pink spotted panties with cute bows.  A splash of perfume and i began to feel better but somehow going to work was less than appealing.  Nevertheless, to work i went and decided to knuckle down and get on with it so as to hopefully free up more time later in the week when perhaps i might persuade Mistress to visit me here on Thursday, a day when i was expecting to be alone in the office and “en femme” all day.  However, even those thoughts went awry when during the morning i got a phone call from a plumber who chose Thursday to come and fix a pipe that has needed replacing for ages.  Even though he says he will be here first thing in the morning, tradesmen have a habit of showing up late and taking longer to do jobs than they first estimate so it has probably killed off any possibility of Mistress Ana visiting me.

i would love to have Mistress Ana visit me in my office so She can see my environment and my full wardrobe of shoes, ladies clothing, wigs and toys but i have no idea whether She would also think it a good idea.  i firmly believe it would give Her even more insight into my mind and with that even greater influence and control on me which is something i would really love but as in all matters, this is for Mistress to decide what is best so, having written to Her and made the invitation, if not for this Thursday for some other time, this sissy slut and slave can only wait and hope.

So little else to report today although i did chat briefly with Goddess Joyce who is now really ready to give birth to little Vincent.  He is due next week, more or less the time i shall arrive in Peru so i may well be there for the birth.  All very exciting!  Such a pity i was not able to get the lactation going but i might give it another try while in Peru, especially if Goddess Joyce would allow me to wet nurse Her baby.  Wouldn’t that be something for a sissy?  Right now, i cannot think of anything more fulfilling for a would be female like myself.

Friday November 6th 2009 – Frustration while with Mistress Ana and Her builders!

There was no email message from Mistress Ana this morning and so i depilated, exfoliated, showered, moisturised, and perfumed myself and slipped into turquoise lace bra and pale blue lace panties beneath my male clothes and headed off to Mistress’ house.  i arrived there a little late for as i was leaving home, my wife phoned to ask me to drop off Her spectacles at Her workplace, a small diversion but one which nonetheless made me later than i wanted to be.

i arrived at Mistress’ house and was not surprised to find builders on the scene.  Mistress was pleased to see me and to my delight, presented me with a gift from Thailand, a lovely pair of sling back, low heeled, open toed shoes in pink, grey and brown.  i was thrilled to receive them, especially as i have pink, grey and brown clothes that will go well with the shoes.  i am so very lucky to belong to such a thoughtful and caring Mistress.  Mistress also gave me some Thai chocolates and candies and made me feel very special.

As for the builders, they busied themselves around the place while Mistress and i sat and chatted over coffee.  i was not asked to change “en femme” so yesterday’s fantasy was never going to materialise, for which i was grateful although should Mistress have wished to see me so humiliated, i would not have hesitated for even a moment.  As we chatted, i realised that i had made a mistake with the making up of the bed in Mistress’ son’s room downstairs and know that i shall be punished for it.  Fortunately, it was not entirely my fault and Mistress will not be too hard on me for it.  W/we chatted a lot about Her son, who has now moved out, and his girlfriend and a very embarassing experience for Mistress’ garden slave, Lucy, who was busy working in the garden when seen by the son’s girlfriend who called for the police, suspecting Lucy to be a burglar.  This would have been the only burglar in history to rob someone and do their garden at the same time!

Mistress told me of the reaction of both Her daughter in law and also Her own daughter, both of whom are aware of the fact that Mistress has slaves who do chores for Her, Lucy in the garden and me in the house.  The daughter in law it seems has asked that i go and clean Her house and Mistress’ daughter would be delighted to have me crawl on all fours to worship Her feet.  Both are young, attractive women whom i would consider it an honour to serve should Mistress Ana require me to do so.  i belong to Her first and foremost and i truly adore Her and could only ever serve others at Her request or command.  i feel so fortunate to belong to Her and to be in service to such a wonderful Domme after searching so far and wide over many years, that i am devoted to Her service first and foremost and above all else.

W/we also chatted about travel and about Mistress’ desire to visit Peru on vacation with Her daughter, possibly next year.  This idea has got me very excited for it would be an opportunity for me to be clean shaven and “en femme” serving Mistress 24/7 for the duration of the vacation.  my mind is now racing with the possibilities of being their sissy tour guide for 2 or 3 weeks in Peru.  i know that i would be in heaven and i pray that it will actually come to pass.  i dream of going with Mistress Ana and daughter to the salon where i go with Goddess Joyce to get a pedicure and manicure together as well as going shopping together and doing all of the touristy things.  This whole concept will now occupy my mind and i shall dream and plan the whole vacation until it does become reality.

With the builders still busy around the house, Mistress and i went out for lunch and also did a little grocery shopping.  i felt a little frustrated at not being able to dress “en femme” today, it being one of the days of the week when i would normally spend the full day at work fully dressed with blouse, skirt, wig and jewellery but there was no resentment for i was spending time with my Mistress and Owner.  However, after lunch, with the builders still at the house, i had to take my leave having been unable to serve Mistress personally and as i drove away i felt incredibly horny.  i had so needed to serve Her that by the time i got home, i ached inside.  A genuine ache of real need such that time cannot go quickly enough for me between now and Tuesday when i return to serve Her.

Friday October 30th 2009 – Disaster with chastity

i have no idea how it could have happened but it has.  During the night, i recall  feeling a dull ache in my genitals and, half asleep, moving my hand down to the cock cage and pulling it gently until it felt right, at the same time becoming more awake as the ache became a severe pain in my left testicle.  Further feeling around there under the cover of the bedclothes reassured me that the CB-2000 was still securely in place even thought it did not feel quite right.  i awoke this morning knowing something was amiss and, on getting to the bathroom, discovered that my left testicle had escaped the CB-2000.  i tried to get it back in without removing the cock cage but to no avail.  How on earth it got out, i have no idea but escape it did.

i was now faced with a dilemma. i could leave things as they were which would require explanation sooner or later to Mistress Ana and be decidedly uncomfortable in the meantime, or remove and then replace the cock cage using another seal, which would also require explanation and, i am sure, result in some form of punishment.  In fact, i was certain that i would be punished no matter what but decided it would be better to be truthful whether or not Mistress Ana believed my explanation.  The thought then occurred to me that i might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb and take the opportunity to masturbate.  Believe it or not though, i have never felt less like masturbating!  i was more preoccupied with how on earth the testicle could have got through the narrow confining gap in the CB-2000 rings and the consequences of it having done so to think about masturbating.  Furthermore, the horniness that develops while wearing the device is as much a psychological or emotional need as it is a physical need and i felt that i wanted to orgasm only when told to do so by Mistress Ana.  To cheat would be cheating myself as much as it would Her for the ultimate orgasm is one that is emotionally shared and not a furtive secret masturbation.

So, i removed the cock cage before getting in the shower and my Friday morning depilation, exfoliation and moisturisation ritual.  It gave me the chance to shave again my genitals and thoroughly clean that area.  After this, i replaced the chastity device using seal number CW8YD.  A splash of perfume later, i slipped into matching pink lace bra and panties, a white blouse, pink calf length skirt, long red wig and pink stiletto heeled sandals.  Before starting work, i gathered up my weeks laundry and put it through the washing machine.  Today was beautifully sunny and warm and i knew i could get all my washing done and dry before my wife returned home.  i spent the full working day in my office then completely “en femme.”  It may be surprising for some to know that such days when i am dressed “en femme” are some of my most productive and today was no exception.  i think this stems from simply being so comfortable and at home dressed as a woman that i am less distracted whereas days when i am only able to wear feminine underwear beneath my male outer clothes and ladies shoes while at my desk, i am much more conscious of my situation and on guard, so less focused on work.

Nothing else much to report on today.  No chats with anyone.  However, i did come across a wig for sale that i love.  Though i regularly wear my long red wig, i would love to have a shorter style that is perhaps more in keeping with my age and i just adore this one, a bargain at just $55.

i also discovered Christian Laboutin shoes – so many gorgeous heels on view i was drooling, and an article on “How high does one go with one’s heels? “ Such interesting reading that i not only voted on the 5″ or higher but also decided to provide the link.  The final thing was my Gravatar.  i have been creating virtual looks for myself on a virtual shopping site and decided that i could link some of the looks i have created there for myself to my Gravatar within my blog.  i am still not sure how effective it will be but i have a lot of fun virtually trying on different clothes for different activities.  It can’t equal the real thing but it is the next best thing for a would be gurl!

Tuesday October 27th 2009 – Caught “en femme”

Up early today to prepare to go to Mistress Ana’s house.  i first of all did a rapid depilation using the “No-No” followed by exfoliation in the shower and then moisturiser all over.  Splashes of deodorant and perfume had me feeling terrifically “femme” as i slipped into a red bra and red panties with white spots and white lace trim.  i was over in the office early, only then to discover an email from Mistress Ana advising me that i need not go to Her house today.  Mistress Ana is of course away and i was going to go and re-make Her bed, having put the bedlinen to wash on Thursday when i was there, do whatever cleaning might be needed and some of my own laundry and whatever Mistress’ son had left to be done.

However, i replied to Mistress’ email with mixed feelings.  Part of me wanted to go so that i could spend a half day “en femme” doing things for Mistress but the other half of me was admitting that i had a lot of work to finish and i could more spend time there on Friday if i knuckled down and got on with my work.  So, a little reluctantly, i decided not to go.  Later in the morning, i saw that Mistress was on line – however, She was also very busy so we did little other than just say hi and hope we might chat properly later.

As a result of not going to Mistress’ house today, i confess to a slight feeling of disappointment at losing the opportunity to be “en femme” and as the day wore on i began to feel increasingly restless, almost like withdrawal symptoms, which is silly really because i had such a great day “en femme” last Friday.  Nevertheless, my need to dress became an itch that i had to scratch and so late this evening, believing my wife to have gone to bed, i decided to indulge myself and slip into full female attire.  i was in my office and had open my wardrobe and was stood there in black stiletto heeled sandals, red bra and panties choosing what to wear when my wife came in with some paperwork.  The time was 11.00pm, much later than She is normally out of bed.  i was not only startled but totally dismayed that She had caught me in the act for i know from past experience that this will mean a cooling of relations for at least a few days.  She made no comment though at the time and it remains to be seen in the coming days what repercussions there might be.  After She left, i sat for a moment and then decided that i may as well carry on and so pulled out a black skirt and white blouse, pulled on my long red wig and returned to my desk and continued working for another hour before finally going to bed myself.  In my heart, i truly wish and long for the day when my wife will just accept me and my submissive and feminine needs so that i can not only dress “en femme” around the house and at my leisure but also do chores for Her and make Her life so much easier.  As Mistress Ana points out, my wife does not know what She is missing.

Friday October 23rd 2009 – “En femme” all day at work

Heaven!  Today, having got up early and with my wife out for the entire day and no one in the office bar myself, i had a real treat.  i first got back into my normal routine with my Friday bit of pampering.  Depilation over my complete body, arms, legs and torso, with my “No-No” followed by a stinging hot shower and exfoliating scrub.  i then toweled dry and applied body lotion over my entire self plus face and hand creams.  Application of underarm deodorant, as given to me by Mistress Ana, followed by a splash of perfume (Allure) behind my ears and on my wrists had me feeling decidedly feminine.  i slipped into the gorgeous shocking pink bra and panties, also given to me by Mistress Ana and then went out to the post office to do the chores She had given me yesterday.  This did not take long and by 9.30am i was back at my office and able to strip out of my male outer clothes and slip into a pink striped blouse with a calf length pink skirt that was open at the front to just above the knee, no stockings today as it was warm and sunny.  i put on pink open-toed, stiletto-heeled sandals, a ladies watch, faux gold bracelet and matching necklace, hooped earrings, my long red wig which i took time over to brush and style, and pale pink lipstick that toned well with my blouse and skirt.  i gave myself another dash of perfume and felt wonderful.

i returned to my desk feeling like a woman, as if i were a secretary in fact, and got down to work catching up with my journal.  This took most of the rest of the morning.  Occasionally, i got up and moved around the office, making myself coffee, slipping outside to check the mail box and then going over to my house for some lunch, a bowl of soup  which i ate while watching a Lifestyle programme about cooking on the TV.  In the afternoon, i stayed “en femme” until 4.00pm, as late as i dare, my wife being expected home at 4.30pm.  i felt terrific the whole day, relishing being able to be my true self again, two days in a row with having served Mistress Ana “en femme” yesterday.  Oh how good it felt and how sometimes, such as now, i wish i could be permanently feminine.

At 4.00pm, as i reluctantly changed back into my male outer clothes, i felt very horny and was reminded of my position as slave and property of Mistress Ana by the CB-2000 chastity cock cage i was wearing.  As horny as i felt, i knew it was fruitless to seek release and in any event, did not really want to do so.  Like before when in chastity, the permanent arousal creates a constant awareness of my slave status and keeps my mind on Mistress Ana, my Owner.  i lingered a moment in just my panties and bra, thinking of Her and my fingers moved to my nipples which longed to be played with but by Mistress and not by me.  So, as quickly as my hands had moved to my breasts they left them and i am now left with a deep and profound longing for Her in both the physical and emotional senses.  Until today, i don’t think i realised just how much i had missed Her presence, both physical and psychological, over these last few weeks while i have been free of the CB-2000 and unable to see Mistress in person.  i sense myself becoming physically and emotionally dependent upon Her ownership and Her control of my entire being and, i confess, it feels wonderful.  So wonderful in fact that in idle moments during the day and as i lie quietly in bed before going to sleep, i find myself thinking of Her and of one day having no other influences or responsibilities in my life save Her pleasure.  i know that as a married man with family and responsibilities, that is not an option, at least for the present, but it is a dream that is becoming more and more at the forefront of my mind and my imaginings.

Friday August 28th 2009 – failed shopping trip

A busy day today.  After my Friday grooming session first thing in which i shaved, depilated, exfoliated, moisturised and perfumed myself, i dressed in a pair of bottle green lace panties and matching bra under my male clothes and then went out shopping for the large black strap-on requested by Mistress Ana.  i went into 3 different adult stores in different parts of town and could not find what i needed.  There were plenty of white ones but no black to be had anywhere.  Disappointed, i then went and bought a new pair of hiking boots that i need in the field next week in Brazil, my only other pair being in Peru at the moment.  i then went and got a haircut before returning to my office once the cleaner had left so that i was able to dress “en femme” for about 4 hours before my wife returned.  i chose to wear a bottle green top and white pants with black stiletto heeled pumps and felt just great.

Even better was the news that we had just won a contract!  The first significant job we have won since the global economic crisis began.  However, the downside is that i will have to get my skates on and do a lot of the preparation work before i leave on Tuesday night so that my junior staff can get the donkey work done by the time i return so that i can finish the job before i head off to China, a week after i get back from this trip.