Tuesday December 22nd to Saturday December 26th 2009 – A Happy Christmas

Hectic is the only way to describe my day.  So much to do and so little time and with my wife now at home for school holidays, no chance this morning to do my regular depilation, exfoliation, moisturisation and general pampering of myself.  Time enough only to pull on a pair of pink lace panties and a matching bra beneath my male outer clothes.  With meetings in the city in the afternoon and much to work on in the office in the morning my day was full and then we had the office Christmas party in the evening.

On Wednesday though, i was up and out of bed before 5.00am and busy in the office finishing a little work but also putting my things together to go to Mistress Ana’s house and do Her cleaning.  i needed to get everything together in advance of others arriving to work and did so comfortably.  i also set up a number of jobs for my staff to get on with while i was out of the office, which was all day.  i left the office at 8.45am having delegated jobs and responsibilities and arrived at Mistress Ana’s just before 9.30am.  i had taken my dirty lingerie and a dress that also needed washing and put those into the washing machine the moment i arrived.  As i passed the downstairs bedroom, being used at the moment by Mistress Ana’s son and daughter in law, i noticed that the bed had been made but had since been lounged upon and so was untidy.  i could not resist going in and straightening it.

In the laundry, i noticed shoes that must belong to Mistress’ daughter in law.  i stopped briefly to admire two pairs of heels, thinking what good taste their owner had and wishing they had been my size for i admit that i liked them so much i doubt i could have resisted trying them on had they been anywhere near big enough!  i was surprised though, once in the laundry, to discover a small dog outside, whining at the door and wanting to get in and it yapped for a while once i had left and gone upstairs and changed into white lace bra and matching thong, white thigh high stockings, black patent leather stiletto heels, black mini skirt and black blouse, white apron and my long red wig.  For good measure, i added some lipstick and then set about my chores.

All of the curtains were drawn so i opened them up so as to get a good look at what might need doing and decided first that i would dust and wipe down all of the surfaces.  i worked systematically from Mistress’ en-suite bathroom, Her bedroom, then office and additional toilet before doing the kitchen and lounge followed by the staircase.  While doing so, i noticed that the bedroom and office windows really needed to be cleaned so i did them both inside and out.  While i was on the balcony outside the bedroom and office, i became conscious of a man from over the road being out in the front of his house doing some work in the garden.  i wondered what he was thinking for he must have noticed a mini-skirted maid busy on the balcony and i also wondered if he had noticed that i was bearded! These thoughts did not phase me though and i just worked on as quickly and as efficiently as i could.

Part way through cleaning the windows, i realised that my laundry would have finished washing so went back downstairs to hang it out to dry.  i kept the dog from gaining entry but did pat it and make friends with it before taking in washing on the line that had dried and hanging out my own.  Once i had done the windows and dusted and wiped all the surfaces i vaccuumed the carpets and swept the floors.  i wanted also to clean the tiled floors but was running out of time, having a business meeting scheduled for 1.30pm, so i quickly mopped over the worst areas so at least the floors looked reasonable – not as good as i would have wanted them to look but at least better than they were.

i so wished that i had had more time to have been able to clean the house more thoroughly and all the time i was cleaning there, knowing that Mistress’ daughter in law was living there, i was very conscious of the fact that in a way, i was essentially setting a standard by which someone else, other than Mistress, was going to judge my work.  Just as when Mistress’ youngest son was living there, i knew that he would see the results of my efforts, so too would Mistress’ daughter in law and i felt that she, being a woman, would be a far more severe judge of my efforts and i so wanted my work to be good enough to satisfy her for in a way, my performance reflected the control, influence and training i have received from Mistress Ana and for me to underperform would in a way reflect upon Her and any adverse criticism was the last thing i wanted.  Only time will tell whether i succeeded in my efforts to please all concerned.

Another strange feeling i had while working away at Mistress’ house was whether or not i might encounter either Her son or daughter in law in person.  i have said before that discovery, while humiliating, is something that i almost wish for because in my heart of hearts, i want people to know that i am a slave and belong to Mistress for in my opinion it could only add to Mistress’ already high esteem no matter what effect or how humiliating it might be for me and, as Her slave, the better i am in my work so too the greater the esteem reflects upon my Owner.  i do know of course that the true depth of my relationship with Mistress Ana has not been revealed to Her family and so would never do anything to change that but there is a certain part of me that truly wishes that it become general knowledge that i am owned by, belong to, am the slave of and gladly serve Mistress Ana, and that this is as much a function of my need to be known to be submissive as it is to raise the status of and aura that surrounds my Owner, Mistress Ana.

Christmas Eve was of course like a mad house.  i tried hard to complete outstanding work and send out new quotations and proposals for more work but didn’t quite get everything finished.  my children and grandchildren began arriving mid day but i had also to spend most of the morning running errands for my Wife – shopping for last minute things for dinner, lunch etc. as well as a couple of extra stocking fillers for my Wife.  The afternoon and evening was spent with family and we all enjoyed a lovely Christmas Eve dinner of roast turkey with all of the trimmings.

Christmas Day began with early Mass at the local church followed by our traditional full breakfast outside by the swimming pool, cooked by myself on the barbeque and washed down with champagne.  We then spent a delightful morning exchanging gifts with most eyes of course on my grandson of 15 months.  By early afternoon all guests had gone and my Wife and i were left to our own devices – time to check out my own gifts and quietly relax and recover from the hectic last few days.  On the excuse of needing to download pictures from my camera, i was able to get over to my office late in the afternoon where i opened the gifts given to me by Mistress Ana.  She gave me a lovely “baby love” pamper pack and some chocolates making me feel very feminine and much loved.  i do have a gift for Mistress of course but She will not be able to receive it until we meet up again.

Boxing Day is a big sports day in Australia and also a major shopping day in the sales.  The female in me would have loved to go shopping but not in the mad crazy rush of the sales so it was a quiet day watching sport on TV and entertaining occasional visitors.  Both yesterday and today i wore the same pink lace bra beneath my male clothes with pink lace panties to match.  No real opportunities to go online but i did find out why “My Virtual Model” is not working – they are re-vamping the site and it will be back on line on January 4th.  By then i will be in England and staying with my mother in law.  Not much chance to be femme in that environment and it will be difficult enough to wear even panties beneath my male clothes to say nothing of keeping the CB-2000 chastity device secret.  However, i am almost at the point where i would like it to be discovered by my wife.  It would take some explaining but i have an idea of the approach i will take as and when it happens and somehow i want Her to know that deep inside i need such control on my sexual function and also need to express my feminine side.  She need not know about Mistress Ana but it would open up an opportunity for Her to take advantage of the situation and take control, something i have longed for all of our married life.  However, i seriously doubt that She would change Her approach to me and my ways but it would take away the need for me to be so secretive about wearing female lingerie and of course the chastity device if She would only accept that it is something i need to do.

Friday December 4th 2009 – Coping with sexual arousal and frustration while locked in chastity

This morning, i chose silver grey satin matching bra and thong to wear beneath my male outer clothes.  No lace today but cute little silver bows, one in the centre of the bra and the other in the front centre of the thong.  i love the sensual feel of satin against my skin and am really enjoying sleeping on the satin PJ’s i bought last week, so much so in fact that i am always reluctant to take them off in a morning, preferring to lie in bed as late as i dare and playing with my nipples through the cool, soft material.  Not that playing with my nipples in such a way is good for me. Quite the contrary, it increases my already aroused state and adds to my frustration at being unable to have an orgasm due to being locked in chastity.  Right now, i am feeling extremely aroused both physically and emotionally but the CB-2000 cock cage and chastity device is keeping me from gaining any sort of release or pleasure.  It keeps me in a constant state of arousal and awareness of my position and status as Mistress Ana’s sissy slave and keeps Mistress Herself in the forefront of my mind even though at the moment we are on opposite sides of the world.

As previous entries in this blog have demonstrated, there is no way i can bring myself to an orgasm without removing the CB-2000, something that would not only be a complete betrayal on my part of the trust Mistress places in me but it would also show failure and unworthiness which, at best would result in severe punishment from Mistress but at worst, could mean dismissal from Her service, something that i dare not even contemplate. i adore Her and love serving Her so much that to be dismissed would be more painful than the most severe beating She might ever inflict upon me.  And so, i carry the growing frustration with me along with the constant reminder of being entirely under the control of my Owner, Mistress Ana.

In idle moments during the day, this frustration returns so i try to keep busy.  If i am ever not busy, my distraction is always thoughts of Mistress and the longing for being back with Her and the relief that only She can give me.  Mistress Ana is acutely aware of the sensitive nature of my nipples and that they are almost hard wired to my cock and She has become skilled at driving me to orgasm by playing with them, teasing them, pinching them, sucking and biting on them with increasing intensity until and beyond the moment when my whole being is rocked by a climax that bursts out from deep within me.  These orgasms surpass any that i have ever experienced in masturbation and the memory of them and the hope for another on my return to Her is enough to help me through the times like now when my sexual frustration rises to a peak.

Wednesday December 2nd 2009 – There is none so free as the slave!

i finally managed to get hold of Goddess Joyce this morning and learned that She had had a caesarian section yesterday and so Vincent had arrived and weighed in at a hearty and healthy 4.16 kilos (about 9 and a half pounds) and 52cm in length.  All went well and both mother and baby are doing fine.  i have been invited to go to the clinic and visit but will need to go and buy a small gift first.

i also had a good chat today with Mistress Ana.  Strange that we had both been thinking/fantasising about me being in service to Her 24/7.  i have to confess that were my wife to pass away before me then i would most definitely seek such a position of permanent and continual slavery and were it not for my marriage, i would be doing so right now.  Mistress was of a similar sentiment with regard to Her own marriage.

Why would anyone want to enter into permanent full time slavery? It seems a crazy notion and that the proponent would have to be insane but i can assure any reader that i am far from insane and yet crave such a status.  It is a great paradox but slavery actually brings with it an enormous freedom, a freedom from responsibility in many ways for the slave has only ever to carry out his Master’s/Mistresses wishes and is never faced with having to make decisions or be responsible for others.  Having been a business leader for most of my life and a family head also, i am used to having responsibility for others and am generally considered to be a good leader and manager but that position carries with it a burden of responsibility whereas slavery carries no burden other than the burden of service which is a giving of one’s self.  i am by nature a giving person and so for me, to give myself to someone whom i love and adore is a natural desire and hence permanent full time slavery is a natural progression.  When considering the burden of responsibility, “there is none so free as the slave nor so bound as the Master” for as much as the slave does for his owner, the owner has duty of care and is responsible for the slave.

So, thoughts of being with Mistress Ana 24/7 are constantly on my mind and are a constant source of physical and emotional arousal for me.  i dream of sleeping chained to the foot of Her bed or of having a small cell where i am kept when not in use.  i dream of being permanently “en femme” and of not only doing Mistress housework but going out and doing Her shopping, Her cooking, running errands and carrying out all manner of different tasks and duties for Her.  What would be my reward?  Certainly a regular beating whether i have done anything seriously wrong or not but a beating to confirm and reassert status, but also love and nurturing, the delight of oral service and of being held, caressed and cherished by Her, and above all, the joy and satisfaction of giving pleasure to another and of making someone else’s life better.

Finally, i chose pink today, matching lace bra and panties.  It really is my favourite colour.  Also, i noticed that “Peeptoe Shoes” are having a sale.  Oh, how i adore some of those shoes, especially these gorgeous 4″ stiletto heeled strappy red sandals and just so wish i could both afford to buy them and also that i could manage to buy them in such a way that my wife would not find out!  Talking of sales, i have joined a website called “ideeli” which is an incredible site for bargains of all kinds.  Genuine designer clothes and goods at incredible discounts but such a pity that to take advantage of the offers you have to live in the USA.  If it were a global organisation it would be fantastic.

Monday November 23rd 2009 – Crime and punishment

No silly dreams last night, i slept soundly and woke up refreshed ready for the start of another week on the road.  i chose my olive-grey lace bra this morning, it is one of my favourites for it pushes my breasts out nicely and is very comfortable.  With them i put on almost transparent grey mesh panties from La Senza , one of my favourite underwear stores that i visit whenever i am in Toronto.  Sadly, the weekend being over, it was male outer clothes all day although, of course i wore stiletto heels, a lovely maroon pair with an open toe and a small platform, while at my desk, which was most of the day.

i had received a mountain of messages overnight and most needed to be dealt with quite urgently and then there was the work i had scheduled for today that couln’t be put off.  So, it was a long day but it was at least pleasantly interspersed with conversations online and over the phone with Mistress Ana and Goddess Joyce respectively.  It was, as ever, lovely to chat with Mistress Ana, even though in the course of the conversation i managed to earn two causes for punishment on my return.  The first for not admitting quickly enough that She was always at least one step ahead of my thoughts and the second for still not having painted the humbler bright red.  i explained that i have the paint but that i have to be very careful and discrete in when and where i do the painting, all of which is true but my delay on this is not acceptable and so i shall be punished,

To an outsider, the beating i shall get for these two misdemeanours might seem harsh but i accept them quite gladly.  People might think that anyone who allows another to paddle his rear or whip him must have something missing upstairs but that is not the case.  The exercise is one in which Mistress reasserts Her authority and control and is necessary so as to maintain the Owner/slave relationship and keeps me, the slave, very much in my place.  Believe it or not, but i actually need this form of discipline and although it hurts and i never actually relish the painful aspects of it, it is a bonding experience and one after which i feel so emotionally close to my Owner that the elation is hard to describe.  Elation?  Yes, for i am filled with respect for Mistress Ana plus love and joy that i belong to such a strong willed woman who could have number of slaves but has included me among them and has given me in return, Her love and Her nurturing.  D/s is not all about punishment, there is the nurturing aspect also and Mistress has been more than generous in Her gifts to me both physical, like the shoes, handbag and clothing for example, as well as in shaping my behaviour, my femininity and my emotional well being.

So, though i now have punishment lined up, i knew that i would have some punishment and need some discipline when i am next with Mistress anyway.  My chat on the phone with Goddess Joyce was equally enjoyable even though i failed to find the wine that She specifically requested.  The truth is that it does not exist.  i tried the best wine  merchants in Lima and even went to the winemaker’s website and discovered that it does not exist, not these days anyway.  i suspect it to be a wine that She enjoyed several years ago and that it has been superceded.  In any event, there will be some additional punishment for me there no doubt, especially because i could not find the raspberry leaf tea either!  But punishment shows that She cares and that i too care enough to do my best for Her when running errands.

Such failures are not crimes as such for they cannot be helped but they would be if i were to be deliberately lax in my efforts.  In that case, the punishment is a way of making me shape up or ship out.  If i did not want to serve then i would not serve well and so would resent the punishment and would walk away from the relationship.  The essence of the discipline is that by accepting it i am confirming that i truly do wish to continue in the relationship and that i need to do more to please my Owner.  Everything has its price, and the punishment and pain that goes with discipline is the payment for the joy of belonging to and having a close personal relationship in service of beautiful, strong willed women like Mistress Ana, Goddess Joyce and Lady Dynah, each of whom i adore and am very proud to know and serve.

Friday November 13th 2009 – More chores for Mistress Ana

Friday and having done my depilation and exfoliation yesterday, this morning i showered and gave myself the requisite enema before splashing on a touch of perfume and slipping into pale blue lace panties that matched the dress i had decided to take to wear for Mistress Ana today.  First though, i had a plumber to deal with so had to wear my male clothes over the top of the panties.  Fortunately, the plumber arrived more or less on time and so i was able to leave for Mistress’ house by 10.45am and arrived around 11.15.

i was surprised to see a large van parked outside as i arrived and felt a little apprehensive as i climbed the stairs.  However, there was no need for any apprehension on my part, the van belonged to a sales rep for equipment Mistress was purchasing for Her business in Thailand.  i made us coffee and we all three chatted until the rep left.  Mistress then showed me how the dead bolt on Her back door had broken and dispatched me off to the local hardware store to get a replacement which i did and fitted as soon as i returned.  Mistress then had me remake the bed downstairs for Her daughter is arriving this evening.  i made up the bed, secretly wishing that i could be still in service with Mistress when Her daughter arrived for Mistress has told me that Her daughter knows all about me and would dominate me also.  There is something even more poignant about serving Mistress and someone else being present and knowing of it, possibly having me serve them also.  It sort of makes the relationship and my position as slave more public.  While many would think this to be humiliating, to me it is a desirable part of being a slave.  There is much to be gained for me emotionally from being Mistress’ slave but if no one else knows of this or witnesses my servitude, it is diminished somewhat in its impact.  i have wanted to be owned and enslaved for so long, i need confirmation of my position underscored by the relationship being known to and witnessed by others.  Mistress has made it clear that this will happen before too long and so i know that my time will arrive but as i made up the bed for Mistresses daughter, i couldn’t help but dream and wish it was to happen later today.

Only once i had made up the bed was i able to change into the turquoise lace dress and matching medium sized turquoise stiletto heels that i had taken with me to Mistress’ house so that She could get an idea of other aspects of my wardrobe.  i wore no bra with this dress which delighted Mistress, who’s first instinct was to put Her hand inside the top and fondle my breasts, play with and suckle briefly on my nipples.  Ooohhhh, the sensation was electric.  my nipples were still tender from yesterday’s prolonged attention and the touch of Mistress’ fingers and then mouth sent delicious tingles right through my body.  i did not want Her to stop and was instantly aroused and at that moment, i was like putty in Her hands and She could have done anything to me or demanded i do anything for Her.  i have become addicted  to her and intoxicated in my love for and desire to serve Her.

The nipple play was only brief but it set me on fire and i felt very much aroused as i went off to do the ironing that i had been unable to finish yesterday.  Another chore but one that i have no qualms about for to me it is like a prayer or act of worship from me to Her and i do the work gladly and happily.  Once i had finished the ironing, there was time for me just to quickly sweep the floor before i had to take my leave.  The last time i shall see Her for several weeks due to our respective travel schedules.  However, Mistress allowed me a final taste of Her nectar before i departed and gave me instructions as to the chores She expects me to carry out whenever i am in town, even though She Herself might be away.  i drove away feeling sad that i shall not be able to see Her for such a long time but so happy that i am Her slave and that i have such a wonderful Owner to serve and devote my attention to.  Mistress reminded me that the CB-2000 must remain in place, something that others might consider a severe loss of liberty but which to me is a comfort knowing that She has complete control of my sexual function and wants me to remain entirely under Her control, even though i may visit other Dommes such as Goddess Joyce on my travels.  i will be seeing Goddess Joyce and i will most certainly be given chores to do by Her but Goddess Joyce accepts that i now belong to Mistress Ana and am essentially on loan to Her while i am in Peru. Furthermore, the thought that it will now be at least 2 months before i am even remotely likely to be granted another orgasm hardly entered my head in spite of feeling both emotionally and physically aroused by serving Mistress Ana today.  It may in time prove to become a challenge for me to bear but as i write, the memory of the orgasm i had yesterday will take a long time to fade and it was so much more profound than any masturbation that i shall endure my chastity for the reward of another such wonderful experience at the hands of my Mistress, Domme and Owner,

Saturday November 7th – Sunday November 8th 2009; Chastity trouble!

Saturday was a day for working in my own garden.  After going out and doing some grocery shopping, my wife had plans for me to work all day in the garden.  A hole needed to be dug down to a pipe that feeds into our house’s BioMax sewage system, a system that recycles our waste water and uses it for irrigating the garden.  During winter, when the water table is high, the system is leaking inwards, flooding with groundwater and causing us all sorts of problems.  We have traced the problem now to just a short section of pipe close tot he main tank itself and a hole needed to be dug down to it with the aim of hopefully finding out the problem.  This was my job on Saturday.  i dug and dug for about 3 hours and finally exposed the pipe at a depth of about 2.5 metres.  Tree roots have got into joints in the pipe and into the tank wall where the pipe goes into it and so it will have to be replaced.

After all of this exertion, especially not being used to such work, i was tired, stiff and sore and so took myself off to have a long soak in the bath.  It was there that i discovered that my left testicle had escaped again from the CB-2000 chastity device.  How? i have no idea for it is impossible to get it back and difficult enough to get it into the base ring of the cock cage as it is, even before locking it in place.  i felt very deflated for i know i shall be punished for having had to remove the device and replace it yet again.  i decided that i clearly needed to change the ring size on the CB-2000 to something smaller in diameter.  i was using the ring that was in the middle of the size range but decided i would now try to fit the smallest diameter.  This was easier said than done and it took me about 20 minutes of effort to persuade my left testicle to join the right testicle inside the ring.  However, i managed to fit into the smallest ring and felt better once i had the cock cage fully in place and locked.  However, i used a small padlock this time rather than the coded security tag because i was not sure that the small ring might in fact be too small and wanted to be sure all was well before sealing myself inside the device again.

It was as well that i did because by Sunday, my scrotum had swollen and my balls were aching.  The ring was too tight!  i decided to remove it and go for the next size up, the diameter between what i had been wearing and the smallest.  This too proved to be more difficult than it looked and i struggled for a good 15 minutes to remove the smallest ring, using a large amount of vaseline to help ease my swollen balls through the ring.  Next, came the equally difficult task of getting the balls through the slightly larger diameter ring.  Already lubricated, i managed it in a shorter time and once again secured the cock cage with a padlock rather than a security seal, preferring to be sure that the ring is not too tight before using the tag.

All of this is quite distressing for i have come to feel secure and comfortable in the CB-2000 and the thought of being able to escape from it does not make me happy for it defeats the whole purpose and sense of belonging and control that it gives me if it cannot be removed without my Owner, Mistress Ana knowing and approving.  i sincerely hope that the ring size now in place will be enough to prevent any escape whether inadvertent or intended.

Friday November 6th 2009 – Frustration while with Mistress Ana and Her builders!

There was no email message from Mistress Ana this morning and so i depilated, exfoliated, showered, moisturised, and perfumed myself and slipped into turquoise lace bra and pale blue lace panties beneath my male clothes and headed off to Mistress’ house.  i arrived there a little late for as i was leaving home, my wife phoned to ask me to drop off Her spectacles at Her workplace, a small diversion but one which nonetheless made me later than i wanted to be.

i arrived at Mistress’ house and was not surprised to find builders on the scene.  Mistress was pleased to see me and to my delight, presented me with a gift from Thailand, a lovely pair of sling back, low heeled, open toed shoes in pink, grey and brown.  i was thrilled to receive them, especially as i have pink, grey and brown clothes that will go well with the shoes.  i am so very lucky to belong to such a thoughtful and caring Mistress.  Mistress also gave me some Thai chocolates and candies and made me feel very special.

As for the builders, they busied themselves around the place while Mistress and i sat and chatted over coffee.  i was not asked to change “en femme” so yesterday’s fantasy was never going to materialise, for which i was grateful although should Mistress have wished to see me so humiliated, i would not have hesitated for even a moment.  As we chatted, i realised that i had made a mistake with the making up of the bed in Mistress’ son’s room downstairs and know that i shall be punished for it.  Fortunately, it was not entirely my fault and Mistress will not be too hard on me for it.  W/we chatted a lot about Her son, who has now moved out, and his girlfriend and a very embarassing experience for Mistress’ garden slave, Lucy, who was busy working in the garden when seen by the son’s girlfriend who called for the police, suspecting Lucy to be a burglar.  This would have been the only burglar in history to rob someone and do their garden at the same time!

Mistress told me of the reaction of both Her daughter in law and also Her own daughter, both of whom are aware of the fact that Mistress has slaves who do chores for Her, Lucy in the garden and me in the house.  The daughter in law it seems has asked that i go and clean Her house and Mistress’ daughter would be delighted to have me crawl on all fours to worship Her feet.  Both are young, attractive women whom i would consider it an honour to serve should Mistress Ana require me to do so.  i belong to Her first and foremost and i truly adore Her and could only ever serve others at Her request or command.  i feel so fortunate to belong to Her and to be in service to such a wonderful Domme after searching so far and wide over many years, that i am devoted to Her service first and foremost and above all else.

W/we also chatted about travel and about Mistress’ desire to visit Peru on vacation with Her daughter, possibly next year.  This idea has got me very excited for it would be an opportunity for me to be clean shaven and “en femme” serving Mistress 24/7 for the duration of the vacation.  my mind is now racing with the possibilities of being their sissy tour guide for 2 or 3 weeks in Peru.  i know that i would be in heaven and i pray that it will actually come to pass.  i dream of going with Mistress Ana and daughter to the salon where i go with Goddess Joyce to get a pedicure and manicure together as well as going shopping together and doing all of the touristy things.  This whole concept will now occupy my mind and i shall dream and plan the whole vacation until it does become reality.

With the builders still busy around the house, Mistress and i went out for lunch and also did a little grocery shopping.  i felt a little frustrated at not being able to dress “en femme” today, it being one of the days of the week when i would normally spend the full day at work fully dressed with blouse, skirt, wig and jewellery but there was no resentment for i was spending time with my Mistress and Owner.  However, after lunch, with the builders still at the house, i had to take my leave having been unable to serve Mistress personally and as i drove away i felt incredibly horny.  i had so needed to serve Her that by the time i got home, i ached inside.  A genuine ache of real need such that time cannot go quickly enough for me between now and Tuesday when i return to serve Her.

Monday November 2nd 2009 – Mistress returns

i just love pink and once again chose pink lace bra and panties to wear beneath my male outer work clothes.  i was at work early and on the lookout for Mistress Ana coming online for i knew that She was due to arrive home from Thailand this morning.  i was not disappointed and was able to chat with Her a couple of times during the day.  Where i was disappointed though was being told that Mistress was going to Canberra tonight and will not return until tomorrow night.  Mistress needs to go to the Romanian Embassy in  person and so i will not be able to see Her tomorrow, something i was really looking forward to eagerly.  Still, i do not need to be too sad for Mistress still expects me to go to Her house and do some cleaning.  Her youngest son has moved out and left the place in quite a mess and so there will be a lot for me to do there tomorrow and i do love to do such chores for Mistress.  i see them as a form of worship and a means of demonstrating my love for Her and my acceptance of Her control over and Ownership of me.  Also, of course, i shall be “en femme” while there, essentially in my element.  i shall also look forward now to Friday.  Mistress wants to see me then and so i shall work very hard at my business to find the time to visit Her house again then.  In that vein, i worked late into the night today, not getting finished until close to midnight.

Wednesday October 28th 2009 – A chill in the air!

As i suspected, relations between my wife and i have cooled several degrees.  i have tried to act as if nothing is wrong, have tried to do even more things for Her today than usual but have hardly got more than a yes or no out of Her all day and certainly not a thank you for those things i have managed to do for Her.  It will stay like this for a day or two more yet but hopefully things will improve by the weekend.  We shall see.  Certainly i will continue to do whatever i can to improve things but there is no point in apologising and all i can do is try to make Her happy in whatever other ways might present themselves.

Today has also been full-on at work.  i was at work early wearing purple bra and lace panties under my male clothes and today, black, strappy 3″ stiletto heeled sandals.  Although busy, i did get to chat with Lady Dynah this morning.  Briefly, but enough to find out how She is and re-establish contact.  She has moved into a house now, still sharing with friends but seems a lot more settled now than She has been.  It was good to touch base with Her again and hopefully we can rebuild the close friendship we had.

This evening, i was able to chat with Mistress Ana.  i had had an email this morning saying i did not need to go to Her house on Friday and that Tuesday would do.  i am comfortable with this although i do so like going to Her house and doing chores for Her, it gives me a sense of purpose and is almost like an act of worship or adoration.  Mistress has become very special to me and i do love to do even the slightest thing for Her.  In any event, i can use the day at work on Friday to try and get further on top of my heavy workload and at least i will be at home all day on my own and so can be “en femme” for at least 8 hours!

i will go next to visit Her on Tuesday, the day after She returns from Thailand.  i will take Her the flowers then and no doubt She will have a number of chores for me to do, all of which i look forward to as much as i look forward to being with Her again.  Mistress asked me what i might like Her to bring back for me from Thailand and i really had not given the idea any thought.  i am very lucky indeed to belong to one so caring.  Mistress asked about my shoe size, Australian and/or USA 10 (wide) or 11, UK 8, but i doubt that they are likely to have shoes in that size there, the local people are generally much smaller than the average Australian.  In any event, much as i adore sexy high heeled shoes, and Mistress is well aware of that, i do not expect Mistress to bring me back any gift and shoes would be something i would of course treasure but would feel that i should contribute to the cost, either in cash or kind, kind over and above the call of duty (if a slave can ever go beyond the call of duty).  In the end, i told Mistress that i would appreciate anything small and feminine and left it to Her to decide.  Mistress has already been so generous with Her gifts that i really don’t like to ask for anything.

Ideally, i suppose, i would love to have something intimate that i could wear all the time and that would signify and confirm Her ownership of me.  The trouble with that idea though is that it would have to be something either sufficiently discrete that my wife would not notice it or something so ambiguous and subtle that my wife would not suspect anything significant in the wearing of it.  Neither alternative is really practicable.  i already wear the CB-2000 chastity device which is in itself a symbol of Her ownership and control, and am so far managing to keep its presence a secret from my wife.  i have an excuse in mind for the day that she discovers it mind You.  However, the cock cage is not something that is a public demonstration of my status for it is not visible or known to anyone but ourselves.  In fact, discretion really demands that there is nothing really that i could wear that would outwardly demonstrate my slave status to those in the know about the D/s lifestyle while at the same time not representing anything controversial to vanilla eyes.

Whatever gift Mistress might bestow on me, it will be greatly appreciated and i shall sleep on the idea overnight.  Who knows what brainstorm i might get by morning.

Friday October 23rd 2009 – “En femme” all day at work

Heaven!  Today, having got up early and with my wife out for the entire day and no one in the office bar myself, i had a real treat.  i first got back into my normal routine with my Friday bit of pampering.  Depilation over my complete body, arms, legs and torso, with my “No-No” followed by a stinging hot shower and exfoliating scrub.  i then toweled dry and applied body lotion over my entire self plus face and hand creams.  Application of underarm deodorant, as given to me by Mistress Ana, followed by a splash of perfume (Allure) behind my ears and on my wrists had me feeling decidedly feminine.  i slipped into the gorgeous shocking pink bra and panties, also given to me by Mistress Ana and then went out to the post office to do the chores She had given me yesterday.  This did not take long and by 9.30am i was back at my office and able to strip out of my male outer clothes and slip into a pink striped blouse with a calf length pink skirt that was open at the front to just above the knee, no stockings today as it was warm and sunny.  i put on pink open-toed, stiletto-heeled sandals, a ladies watch, faux gold bracelet and matching necklace, hooped earrings, my long red wig which i took time over to brush and style, and pale pink lipstick that toned well with my blouse and skirt.  i gave myself another dash of perfume and felt wonderful.

i returned to my desk feeling like a woman, as if i were a secretary in fact, and got down to work catching up with my journal.  This took most of the rest of the morning.  Occasionally, i got up and moved around the office, making myself coffee, slipping outside to check the mail box and then going over to my house for some lunch, a bowl of soup  which i ate while watching a Lifestyle programme about cooking on the TV.  In the afternoon, i stayed “en femme” until 4.00pm, as late as i dare, my wife being expected home at 4.30pm.  i felt terrific the whole day, relishing being able to be my true self again, two days in a row with having served Mistress Ana “en femme” yesterday.  Oh how good it felt and how sometimes, such as now, i wish i could be permanently feminine.

At 4.00pm, as i reluctantly changed back into my male outer clothes, i felt very horny and was reminded of my position as slave and property of Mistress Ana by the CB-2000 chastity cock cage i was wearing.  As horny as i felt, i knew it was fruitless to seek release and in any event, did not really want to do so.  Like before when in chastity, the permanent arousal creates a constant awareness of my slave status and keeps my mind on Mistress Ana, my Owner.  i lingered a moment in just my panties and bra, thinking of Her and my fingers moved to my nipples which longed to be played with but by Mistress and not by me.  So, as quickly as my hands had moved to my breasts they left them and i am now left with a deep and profound longing for Her in both the physical and emotional senses.  Until today, i don’t think i realised just how much i had missed Her presence, both physical and psychological, over these last few weeks while i have been free of the CB-2000 and unable to see Mistress in person.  i sense myself becoming physically and emotionally dependent upon Her ownership and Her control of my entire being and, i confess, it feels wonderful.  So wonderful in fact that in idle moments during the day and as i lie quietly in bed before going to sleep, i find myself thinking of Her and of one day having no other influences or responsibilities in my life save Her pleasure.  i know that as a married man with family and responsibilities, that is not an option, at least for the present, but it is a dream that is becoming more and more at the forefront of my mind and my imaginings.