Monday August 24th 2009 – Chatting with Mistress Ana

For the first time in ages, Mistress Ana was online today and we managed to chat late this evening.  As i expected, She was not best pleased that i had had an orgasm last Friday and has made it plain that i will be punished for it and punished much more severely than last time.  This does not surprise me and i accept whatever punishment She decides is appropriate even though i do not enjoy or seek pain.  It is my lot as a slave to be punished for any misdemeanour and although i did not set out to have an orgasm, i should have more control and should have avoided it.

i told Mistress that i would be going to Her house tomorrow to clean and to do some gardening.  To my surprise, She has told me that once i am there, i am to remove the CB-2000 chastity device and worship fully, as decreed by Mystress World and then tomorrow i am to report on how i felt, in detail.  Also, when i asked whether i was to replace the cock cage afterward, She told me to leave it off for She did not wish to interfere with my forthcoming vacation with my wife.  i truly appreciate this but am now anxious about tomorrow for once the cock cage is removed and i spend 15 minutes worshiping and stroking, i fear that i may become over excited and climax again.  However, i shall do my level best to avoid such an occurrence.

Mistress is now back in Thailand after Her vacation in Europe.  She is expecting to be home on September 2nd – the same day that i will leave for South America so sadly we will not be able to get together until my return and then we will have only a week before i head off again.  i plan to give Her house a really good clean when i go there next week.

At work today, things were back to normal with permanent staff around so no chance for me to dress “en femme” or use the breast pump.  As ever though, i wore bra and panties under my male clothes, purple satin bra with matching thong and lace panties.  i was also able to wear a pair of brown high-heeled ankle boots while at my desk.  i told Mistress that i would not be using the breast pump for a while and that i would try to get a good supply of domperidone while in Peru.  She does so want me to lactate and i share that ambition wholeheartedly.  This lull in my efforts is certainly only temporary.

Saturday August 22nd – Sunday August 23rd 2009 – 4 weeks of breast pumping – still no lactation

The weekend again has come around very quickly and it is now 10 full weeks that i have been in chastity.  After my week of feeling increasingly and incredibly horny, culminating in yesterday’s unexpected climax, today my feelings were more normal.  i dressed on  Saturday morning in the same turquoise lace bra but with clean pale blue lace panties but they remained beneath my male outer clothes all day as i spent the full day with my wife.  Shopping for groceries at first and then busy helping around the house including preparing dinner followed by spending an evening by the fire watching tv.

Sunday followed a similar pattern, first church, then the organic market, a short stop at my daughter’s house to say hello and have a coffee and then home to spend a quiet relaxing day together topped off by a lovely meal which we again shared in preparing.  i did spend a little time over in my office catching up with some work but not much.

I now have to make a decision on the lactation because still nothing is happening and continuing with the breast pump is going to become more difficult.  These last few weeks i have been alone in the office most days and so it has been possible to find time to use the pump without attracting any unwanted attention.  However, my main full time worker returns from vacation this coming week so i will not be able to use the breast pump during office hours unless i go over to the house but my wife is there most days.  Also, i am feeling dejected about my lack of success.  i am taking extra fenugreek but have not been able to secure a regular supply of domperidone which i think has limited my progress towards lactating.  i have certainly felt sensations in my breasts and nipples while i have been taking domperidone but these die off when the tablets run out.  i am hoping that i will be able to get them over the counter while i am in Peru – drugs are less controlled there – in which case i will get myself a big supply, possibly 200 or so as the recommended course for women is 100.

Another factor is my forthcoming overseas travel.  i go to South America for fieldwork early next month and will be unable to use the pump while working out in the open with a couple of other male assistants.  Once i return, i have a week at home before i head off to China for just over 3 weeks vacation with my wife and some close friends so using the pump there will not be possible either.  So, my plan is to give the tits a rest for a while and then, hopefully with a good supply of domperidone, start again in earnest once i get back from China.  i will need to find a plan or means of using the breast pump during the day but i will cross that bridge once i get to it.

Monday August 17th 2009 – Oh so horny!

i don’t know quite why i felt particularly horny today but i did.  All day long!  Even burying myself in work didn’t help.  Thoughts of Mistress Ana, chastity, and lactation were ever in my mind no matter what i tried to busy myself with and the urge to masturbate just would not go away.  Even so, i never once considered removing the seal on the CB-2000 cock cage even though i was constantly aware of its presence.  More so today than for a long time.  Every time i used the breast pump today, i felt even more aroused and wanted to play with my nipples more once the breast pump had been switched off.  i found myself wanting to torture them knowing that it might well bring me to an orgasm even while still wearing the CB-2000 but here again, i managed to beat the temptation.  But it all went to make a very distracted day at work.  i couldn’t really settle into anything properly.

i wore a white satin bra today, white cotton panties with lace front, tan knee-highs and for a while, my standard black high heel pumps while at my desk.  However, my horniness got the better of me and for some considerable time i wore my black ballet boots with the enormous high heel.  These boots force my foot into a position where i have to walk on my toes and they keep the foot so arched whether standing or sitting and so after a while they become a torture to wear irrespective of the length of time i spend on my feet.  These added to my distraction from work but i found that they also managed to take my mind off my urge to masturbate.  Nevertheless, on a couple of occasions, as i sat, breast pump in place and working, feet tightly constrained in the ballet boots, i found myself rocking backwards and forwards and feeling my pathetic little cock rubbing up against the inside of the CB-2000.  It felt so good but i snapped out of it each time for to have carried for long on would undoubtedly brought me to an orgasm.

Somehow i got through the day and, in the evening, after dinner, all such urges abated somewhat.  i still felt aroused but not nearly so much as earlier in the day.  i don’t understand just why i felt to incredibly horny earlier, i just did.

i will be away for the next couple of days, attending meetings in Brisbane so am not sure whether i will be able to make any posts but i will try.  Tomorrow, i should go to Mistress Ana’s house and make sure it is clean and tidy before i leave for Brisbane.  i had planned to do some work in Her garden but the weather looks like being too wet and with limited time, i think i will just do what needs to be done and try to get back there later in the week or spend more time there next week.

Saturday August 15th & Sunday August 16th 2009 – 9 weeks in chastity!

Oooooooohhhhhhhh – i felt so incredibly horny on Saturday morning, my 63 day in chastity and now some 38 days since Mistress Ana granted me that most wonderful orgasm as She toyed and played with my nipples, an orgasm in which i climaxed while still confined in the CB-2000 cock cage.  As i lay in bed this Saturday morning, half asleep, listening to the drumming of the heavy rain on the roof, my mind was back on that wonderful event and i could not escape the overwhelming feeling of both emotional and physical arousal and my fingers went automatically to my nipples and began to work them using the Marmet technique for inducing lactation.  Once my wife woke though, i stopped and got out of bed and went and made us both tea and took Her’s to Her in bed.  i was still feeling incredibly horny but got over it by making myself busy.

For the rest of the weekend, there was little to report other than the usual difficulties in getting away on my own for a while to use the breast pump.  There is always a lot going on at the weekends, both socially as well as things that need to be done around the house and garden or shopping with my wife.  This weekend took in a shopping trip on Saturday followed by a night at the Opera and then an afternoon and evening playing bridge with friends on Sunday.  The opera we saw was “The Pearl Fishers” by Bizet, one of my favourites for it is a romantic opera with a happy ending for a change.  i also love going to the opera to see the way the Ladies dress and inevitably i am jealous of their appearance, so desperately wishing that i too could go to the opera in such fine evening dresses, heels, and jewelery, looking oh so glamorous……………..one day perhaps and YES, IT IS NICE TO DREAM!

Wednesday August 12th and Thursday August 13th 2009

Busy days right now as I try to negotiate deals in both Peru and Brazil that will get me involved in gold exploration and potential mining with a participating share of the profits and also making arrangements for travel next week to Brisbane.  Also, on Wednesday I had to go into the city with my wife to meet with our financial advisor regarding our property and superannuation, a meeting that took the whole afternoon.  Instead of returning home straight away, we collected my eldest son from his work and went back to his house to see our grandson who is now approaching his first birthday and who is just fantastic.  It is so fascinating to see how he grows and develops, every week there is something new that he is able to achieve.

Thursday I discovered that my travel plans for next week are now all awry with my client shifting the days for the seminar I am leading to Wednesday in Brisbane and Thursday in Perth.  So, I had to cancel one lot of flights hotel and book new ones for the revised schedule which, i was fortunate to be able to manage at short notice.  It now means that my cleaning duties at Mistress Ana’s house next Tuesday will be cut short a little as i fly to Brisbane that afternoon.  i will try to get there early or might possibly go again later in the week. In the evening, my daughter and her husband came over for dinner.  They also brought their cat to stay with us for a few days while they are over in Melbourne.  So, no chance to catch up with my journal or to chat.

With so much going on, not only have i not been able to get to my journal these last couple of days, even worse is that i have not had the opportunity to be my feminine self, having been restricted to just wearing panties and bra beneath my male outer clothes and using the breast pump irregularly.  i am concerned about this irregularity over the last couple of days.  It is also irregular at weekends and I feel that without the domperidone, this irregularity can only impede or delay the onset of any lactation even though I have increased the dose of fenugreek. i am hoping that when i go to Peru next month, i will be able to get a good supply of domperidone without the need of a prescription.  Many drugs that are prescription onlyhere are available over the counter in Peru so, fingers crossed.

Monday August 10th 2009

Back to work today and into the routine of feminine underwear beneath male outer clothes.  i chose silver grey satin bra and panties today and wore grey knee high’s and a pair of grey open toed, stiletto sandles with an ankle strap.  There was no one else in the office so i was able to get away with the shoes but my wife was at home in the next building so dressing fully “en femme” was not possible.

i am continuing my regimen of breast pump every 2-3 hours and 3×2 fenugreek and 3×2 domperidone tablets every day but still, sadly, no lactation.  i phoned the doctor for a repeat prescription and he didn’t want to respond to me but told the receptionist that he would not prescribe the domperidone for me again and that i should see a specialist. i have obviously taken him out of his comfort zone and will now have to think of another way of getting a sufficiently long term supply if i am going to make things happen.

No time for chatting today, too much happening on the work front with projects now needing my input in Brazil and Peru and travel plans to be made.  i am now heading to S.America again on September 2nd and returning home on September 20th before heading off to China for a month on September 26th.  The project in Brazil looks exciting with a lot of potential and i am very keen to take a look at it first hand, there is a lot of gold in the region and the signs for our prospect are very good indeed.

This evening, i decided i had better use the “No-No’ and do some hair removal and thus give myself more time in the morning before going to Mistress Ana’s house to do Her cleaning.

Saturday August 8th & Sunday August 9th 2009

As ever at the weekend, little to report other than it is now 8 weeks in chastity – two whole months in the CB-2000 and just one orgasm when Mistress Ana first played with my breasts and nipples.  Yes, i am still feeling extremely horny but not desperate enough to remove the security tag.  The breast pumping is playing havoc with the sensations and feelings in my breasts and nipples, making me all the more aroused when i use it but as yet still no sign of any milk.  For the moment though i am back on the domperidone and so still hopeful of some success eventually in my goal of lactating for Mistress.

As always, the weekend revoloved around odd jobs around the house and garden, socialising with family and friends and little or no time to dress “en femme” or use the breast pump as much as i would like.

Thursday August 6th 2009 – almost caught “en femme” by wife!

Today was too close for comfort.  My wife was supposed to be out all day and not expected back until after 5.00pm.  So, what does a sissy do but slip straight away into her work clothes – white lace bra, panties, tan stay-up stockings, corset, navy blue mini-skirt, white blouse with pink and maroon stripes, maroon stiletto heels with peep-toe, hooped earrings, red wig and lipstick.  No one else in the office all day so i simply got on with my work totally “en femme.”

It felt terrific, both natural and comfortable and it made my work all the more enjoyable.  i even took a walk down the garden to collect the mail and sat outside for my lunch as the sun was shining.

After lunch, for some inexplicable reason, i felt nervous.  Call it a sixth sense but something told me i should get back into my male outer clothes so, after a spell on the breast pump at 2.30, i decided i would take myself off to the bathroom and change.  On the way there, i heard a car door so ran the rest of the way and hastily got out of the skirt and blouse and into my pants and shirt, slipped on my loafers, ripped off the earrings and wig and had just got back to my desk when the phone rang from the house.  My wife was home early and wanted top know why she could not get into the office.  Fortunately, i had locked the door – a safeguard against couriers usually but this time it saved me from my wife.  i said i had no idea why it wouldn’t open and then made a show of struggling to open it as i went over to the house where i said the latch must have somehow jammed.  i got some oil and went back and unnecessarily oiled the lock, made a play of testing it a couple of times and then went back to the house and made us both a cup of tea.  i am not sure whether She believes my story about the lock jamming or not, i suspect not for She is ever aware of my propensity for cross-dressing whenever i get the opportunity, but She seems to be happy with it unless She is confronted by it so, having locked the door may have saved my bacon and avoided an awkward few days.

Whenever i have been caught out before, my wife’s reaction was to give me the cold shoulder for a couple of days and have little or nothing to do with me until such time as She has to, such as when we have visitors or one of our children calls round and then things slowly begin to return to normal.  i do so wish that She could lighten up and take advantage of my cross-dressing by having me do even more around the house.  It would be a win-win and no one but ourselves need ever know.  As Mistress Ana says, “She does not know what She is missing!”

Wednesday August 5th 2009 – could i become a wet nurse?

Nothing much to report on the sissy scene today.  A lot of pressure at work on legal aspects of a new project so spent the day pretty much at my desk.  i once again chose white underwear, lace panties and a plain white bra but also put on some tan stay-up stockings with lace around the top to wear beneath my trousers and then, while at my desk, maroon open toe stiletto heels that were a good match for my shirt as it turned out.  How i would have loved to have been able to don a skirt as well!

Continuing with the breast pump and having to be careful around the office, especially when my wife is at home as she was today.  i am never sure whether she is going to come over to my office with some accounts query or such like and, even if i breast pump in the bathroom, the noise the machine makes would cause several questions to be asked.

We had guests for dinner tonight which also interrupted my schedule for pumping but i managed to keep fairly close to my routine nonetheless.  Still no milk but the sensations in my nipples and breasts are increasing and i feel as though it has to happen soon, unless it is just that they are becoming sore with all of the attention they are getting!  Time will tell no doubt.

I managed to chat briefly with Goddess Joyce today.  Things have been resolved for the better with her husband and it is clear that She is very much in charge.  She too is fascinated about my hoped for lactation.  She wanted to know when i would next be in Peru and i told Her that it would be late August or early September but that i doubted i would be in Lima for more than a few days.  This frustrates us both.  However, when i told Her that i should be around for about a month in November/December She brightened up considerably telling me that by then, Her baby boy, Vincent, should be born.  No doubt that She will have lots for me to do during that period, soon after the birth, cooking, washing, ironing and other domestic chores. but i am also left wondering whether, if i do manage to lactate and can sustain it, whether She will allow or have me wet nurse the baby?  i have to say that it is something i would love to do for there can surely be no greater feeling or fulfilling emotion in womanhood than that of breastfeeding a baby.  i so do want to experience that.

Tuesday August 4th 2009 – cleaning duties

i was very eager to get up and out of the house this morning so that i could get to Mistress Ana’s house, slip into my maid’s clothing and get on with Her housework.  All was going well after my wife left home early meaning i could slip straight into the white lace bra and thong and pull on some white stockings, stay-ups with lace and a cute bow at the top.  i even put on a pair of black patent Mary Jane’s to drive across town in and wore them about the house while i had my breakfast and collected the other items i needed to take with me which today included my laundry, the breast pump and two pairs of shoes that i had had repaired for Mistress Ana.  Unfortunately, although i was ready to leave well before 8.00am, i had some work related issues to deal with first and they took longer than i expected and so it was 8.00am before i got away.  Add to that the traffic was bad for some reason and so it was almost 8.45 by the time i arrived.

To my consternation, there was a red utility parked where i would normally park and i felt apprehensive that perhaps Mistress’ son was still home.  In any event, i entered the house and found that if he was, he was not in evidence.  However there was plenty of evidence for his existence!  He had left a full laundry basket outside his door and there were empty glasses, bottles and cans liberally spread all around the house.  Someone had had a party i guess.  So, first things first, i changed into my maid’s clothes, black patent stiletto heels with ankle strap, a black mini-skirt, black blouse, white apron, red wig plus i decided on wearing slutty silver hooped earrings and my ladies watch to keep check on time.  Then, i put i my own laundry on a delicate cycle that took just over an hour.  While that was washing, i began tidying the house, first collecting all of the empty bottles and cans and removing them to the dustbin.  i had planned to clean the balconies and balcony furniture for the two balconies that i had not had time to do last week and it was just as well for the front balcony had been used for entertaining and was in real need of tidying and cleaning.  There were also a stack of dishes, some clean, some dirty and some i was unsure about.  So, i loaded the dishwasher with those items i was sure were dishwasher safe and hand washed the rest.  i cleaned the main front balcony first and the smaller balcony on the side of the house second.  While doing this, i took time to go down to the laundry and hang out my bras and panties in the garden once the first cycle had finished and load the machine with Mistress’ son’s clothes and set them washing.  i hung my clothes in the garden because it was such a beautiful warm and sunny day i felt sure they would dry before i had to leave.  i collected Mistress’ clothes that i had washed last week from the line in the garage and took them upstairs, planning to iron them today if i had time or next week if not.  i noticed that most of the items of Mistress’ son that i had washed last week had been reclaimed from the line.

Time really flew by and at 11.00am i took a break for coffee and to pump my breasts.  It is exactly a week now since i got the pump and i have used it regularly every 3 hours or so but so far, in spite of the domperidone and the fenugreek, there has been no sign of even a drop of milk.  However, i am not discouraged and will continue with it.  i need to get some more domperidone which means a trip to the doctor for a prescription.  i cannot go to my own doctor without arousing suspicion and i doubt he would give me such a prescription without making a lot of enquiries or asking me to have other tests done as to why i am nauseous.  So, i have decided i will go to a clinic nearby and come clean.  i plan to ask the doctor for domperidone on the pretext that my partner has just had a baby and that we both thought it would be great if i could breast feed also and, having researched this on the internet have discovered that with domperidone it may be possible.  This way, i hope to be able to get repeat prescriptions so that i can take it regularly.  We shall see what transpires.

i finished cleaning both balconies and their furniture, hung the laundry to dry in the garage, unloaded the dishwasher, left those items i had hand washed to drain and dry for most of them i was unsure as to where they belonged.  i swept the floors of the hallway and lounge and cleaned any marks by hand.  i did not have time to do the whole lot with the steam cleaner so decided to at least make them look presentable this week and to give them a proper clean next week.  Before leaving, i collected my now dry washing from the outside line, emptied the trash and then weeded a part of the garden on my way out.

i left just before 1.00pm after a very enjoyable 4 hours or so of being a housemaid.  i felt very happy and content that i had not only satisfied my need to be “en femme” but also because i had served Mistress Ana, even in Her absence.  It feels good to belong to Her and to do things for Her.