Friday July 31st 2009 – a day in the office “en femme”

What a lovely day!  For the first time in ages i was able to return fully to my depilation, exfoliation, and moisturisation routine.  i now have the replacement blades for my “No-No” hair removal system so started the day off by doing my arms, legs and torso, taking special care of my breasts and the area around my nipples so as to make sure that the breast pump has no hairs interfering when latched and reducing the pressure.  Then it was into the shower for a delicious hot stinging scrub and exfoliation so that i came out all rosy pink and tingling.

After applying moisturiser to my legs, arms, face hands and feet and of course my soft, smooth breasts, applying the underarm roll-on deodorant given to me by Mistress Ana that not only acts as a deodorant but whitens the hair stubble, and then a spray of perfume, i felt so wonderfully feminine my choice of underwear had to be pink.  Pink lace bra and matching thong.  i also slipped into some panty-hose because i knew that once at work, i would be alone there for the whole morning and most of the afternoon.  At work, i dressed in a white pink and maroon striped blouse, black skirt and jacket and some moderately high heeled T-bar, open toed black shoes.  i put on my long red wig, large hooped earrings (because even at the office i feel the need to express the slut in me just a little) and applied a little lipstick and i was ready for a day at the office as you can see below.

i had a full day of work to do and so was occupied all day at my computer apart from the times that i got up to make coffee, have lunch and to venture out to the front of the house to collect the mail.  Every 3 hours i used the breast pump with the cups held securely to my breasts by my bra so that i could continue working.  No sign of any milk yet but i am determined to make this happen and so will persevere for as long as it takes.  The domperidone tablets and fenugreek should be helping and i drank guiness today in the hope that it too might provide some sort of boost – after all it used to be prescribed to breast feeding mothers during and shortly after World War II!

No opportunity to chat today because i needed to complete some work which i managed to do.  It just felt so right and natural to be “en femme” working away and i look back now on what was a really lovely day.

Thursday July 30th 2009

With so many business meetings in the city today, i decided that i would wear a blue shirt and beneath it a pale blue lace bra and matching thong.  i checked carefully in the mirror to be sure that the bra did not show through the shirt and then, satisfied that it did not, went about my very full day.  So full that it was tricky managing to fit in the regular breast pumping sessions but i managed to do so, finding a way of holding the cups against my breasts with my bra so that i had my hands free.  Running off the battery works well but i had to be cautious and switch off a few times while pumping in the toilets when others came in.  i sat on the loo in my cubicle listening intently for the outer door opening with one finger on the switch so that i could switch off immediately i heard the door handle.  Quite an exciting time really – i never thought sitting on the loo could be fraught with such anxiety!

Later, back at home, i continued researching induced lactation and decided that i needed to up the ante a bit and pump every 3 hours or as close to 8 hours a day.  i also learned how to stimulate the nipples manually using the Marmet technique.  i now use this technique in idle moments when i don’t have the time to set up the pump.  i am confident that if i continue to work at this, i will lactate, in fact i am determined that i will.  The whole concept now fills my head along with Mistress Ana who’s idea this was and who tells me repeatedly that She cannot wait for it to happen. Nor can i………..

Wednesday July 29th 2009 – “en femme” with the breast pump

Still feeling incredibly horny and the breast pumping is exacerbating the feeling.  i was able to chat to Mistress Ana today, albeit briefly, and i am sure that She is amused by my horny state and the fact that in my chastity device i am powerless to do anything about it!  In any event, i was able to update Her on my activities which centred mostly on what i was wearing (maroon satin thong with a cute bow and a purple satin bra) and of course my progress towards lactation and the breast pump.  Mistress asked to see a picture of me using the pump, “en femme” and i promised that i would post one tonight in my journal.  So, once all was quiet around the office, i dressed as in the picture and then ran the pump on both breasts for 20 minutes.  i quite like the maroon semi transparent blouse and the skirt goes well with it.  i bought the shoes to go with another dress but having noticed the same green in the skirt and finding the cardigan also in the same green, i thought i would try the ensemble, especially as it is going to be cold tonight (3 degrees has been forecast).

Back to the breast pump, i find that i need to hold the cups against my breasts in order to maintain a strong latch and this means that my hands are occupied for a full 20 minutes while pumping.  Not bad if i am watching TV but no good while i have work to do.  So, when busy at work, i pump one breast at a time, freeing up one hand for working – i am getting quite good at one-handed manipulation of my computer.

Also today, while “latched” to the pump, i found an interesting web page on male lactation “Milkmen; Fathers who breastfeed” with some examples and videos – it is well worth a look and gave me a lot of encouragement.  While i am hoping that milk flow will commence soon, i am not anxious because i can see from the web page article that it may take several days or even a couple of weeks and more but i am now very confident that by using the pump alone it will happen and that the domperidone and fenugreek can only act to speed things along.  i will continue to pump every four hours or so for twenty minutes on each breast for as long as it takes.

i am now constantly aware of my breasts and nipples.  During pumping, the suckling sensation is a gentle force but one which over time causes a dull ache in the nipple and breast.  This goes soon after stopping pumping and is replaced by definite reverse pressure sensation in my breast, a sensation of weight perhaps or fullness.  At times during the day, i still get a tingling sensation or a sort of fluttering feeling in my breasts and nipples.  This has started again since i got back on the domperidone.  The upshot is though that i am constantly aware of sensations in my breasts and nipples that further add to my already strong physical arousal and emotional high.

i was also able to chat today with Goddess Joyce.  She has returned to Lima after a holiday in Mancora.  She was unhappy because She had had a row with Her husband – the first real one since they were married in March.  As ever, i was a listening post while She poured out Her troubles before offering Her some simple advice.  She seemed a little happier once we had chatted but i have a feeling that hubby is going to incur some of Her wrath.  He is also submissive so i am sure that he will be put back in his place.

Tuesday July 28th 2009 – The breast pump arrives!

i awoke feeling both aroused and excited today for even though Mistress Ana is away, i was still ordered to go to Her house and clean which meant that i would be able to be totally “en femme” for several hours.  Add to that the probability that the breast pump had arrived and would need to be collected and that i would be able to try it out and go further along my path to lactation and i could not get away from home fast enough. However, before i left i slipped into an avocado coloured camisole with matching french knickers, both with an embroidered and lace rose in the same avocado green, giving a bas relief effect.

Once at Mistress Ana’s house, i found the slip from the post office indicating that the breast pump was available for collection.  However, before heading off to collect it, i checked the laundry and found quite a pile of washing that needed doing so split it into light and dark and set the dark work clothes belonging to Mistress’ son to wash while i went out to collect the pump.  No problems at the post office, the authorisation provided by Mistress worked well.  When i got back to the house, i stripped down to my camisole and knickers and unpacked the pump and just had to try it out – to see if it worked of course but also because i am so very eager to lactate that i did not want to miss an opportunity.  The sensations that the pump engenders in my nipples are fantastic.  Obviously it is a sucking sensation but the regularity of it and the fact that it is happening without my using my hands makes it different from anything i have ever managed to do to stimulate my nipples.  But stimulate them it does and the longer the pumping goes, the greater the sensations.  The nipples begin to ache a little after a while – not a painful ache but almost a longing ache for the milk to begin to flow.  Oh how i wish it would!  Another ache appeared also.  i experienced a physical arousal in my groin and, after 15 minutes on the pump with both tits connected, i felt very horny indeed and reluctantly switched off, dressed in my maid’s uniform and got to work.

The kitchen are was very untidy.  Unwashed dishes and pans with food scraps left lying around on the counter.  i decided i had better tackle this area first before starting on the balconies as i had been instructed.  The kitchen took a while and i also hung out the first load of washing and set the second one going before i had finished.  i then made a start on the bedroom balcony.  i felt a little wary to begin with, being out on the balcony and in full view of people in the houses opposite but soon realised that with my head down as i worked, no one would be able to tell whether i was male, female or something in between!  As i worked, i was conscious of people passing by either on foot or in cars and soon realised that no one was in the least bit interested in a sissy maid cleaning a balcony.  i was amazed at how black the accumulated dust and grime was on the balcony and so cleaning the floor took longer than i had imagined.  i also removed the covers on the wooden furniture and cleaned it with the materials Mistress had left for me.  By the time i had finished with the balcony the second load of washing was about to finish and it was well after 12.00pm so i  hung out the second load and then changed back into my male outer clothes.  As i left the house, i took out the garbage and then did a little pruning in the garden before heading home.  On the way, i stopped and left two pairs of Mistress’ shoes to have new heel caps fitted.  i looked to try and buy the caps themselves but was not able to do so and in the end had to leave them to be repaired – a more expensive option unfortunately but unavoidable.

Once i got home, i had another session on the breast pump and took a dose of domperidone as well as some fenugreek before getting down to work.  For the rest of the day, i continued to have 20 minute sessions on the pump every 4 hours or so and, with 3×2 domperidone tablets and 3×2 fenugreek capsules per day as well as the additional cup of fenugreek tea once or twice a day, i am hoping that the milk will begin to flow soon.  If not, it will not be for the lack of trying.

Monday July 27th 2009 – That time of the month

It felt good to get back into lace underwear today after a weekend of all male attire.  i chose pink, of course.  No chance today of going totally “en femme” – too much work happening but at least i was able to wear a nice pair of pink “kitten” heels while working at my desk.

i noticed today that Lady Dynah is having Her period and so, even though things are still not good between us, dutifully put on a tight corset and the “o” rings on my nipples to simulate the bloated effect and nipple tenderness that comes with menstruation.  With the cock cage chastity device in place, wearing a sanitary napkin soaked with a ketchup and cranberry juice mixture to simulate the blood is more messy than usual and the way my balls are squashed flat and protrude at times from the panties makes it difficult to keep the mess on the napkin but i worked out how to position the mess so it is slightly behind my balls – still wet and uncomfortable but less risk of the mess escaping.  The idea is of course to be constantly reminded of Lady Dynah, Her current state and of course my status as an extension of Her will.  It does work.  She and Mistress Ana are both constantly in my mind and with both menstruation and lactation high on the agenda this week, i am feeling so incredibly feminine.

Saturday July 25th and Sunday July 26th 2009

All male this weekend due to family activities.  i spent Saturday working in my garden again, repairing things that had been damaged in the storm of three weeks past.  There was no opportunity to even slip into any female underwear so there is little to report.

However, this is now 6 weeks in chastity and, apart from the one occasion when Mistress Ana brought me to an orgasm by playing with my nipples, i have not cum.  The CB-2000 chastity device has been removed by Mistress Ana when She inspected my cock and balls but it was replaced again the same day before i had chance to touch it myself.  While it was removed, i was bound hand and foot to a leg spreader with my ass in the air and genitals exposed for Her inspection and as soon as She had finished, i was released but made to replace the device immediately. Now, after 6 weeks and a further two weeks without orgasm, i am feeling constantly physically and emotionally aroused.

Sunday was my wedding anniversary, 34 years!  We had all of the family around for a wonderful lunch and so here again, there was no opportunity for me to be my feminine self.  Nevertheless, it was a wonderful day enjoyed by all.

Friday July 24th 2009

A very busy day at work today.  However, the office was empty and i was alone throughout the morning and so i was able to work “en femme” until lunchtime.  i chose to wear white lace bra and panties, tan coloured stay-up stockings, a short black skirt, white blouse and black high stiletto heeled pumps with a round toe and a cute bow, red wig and pearl earrings.  No time for chatting on line though, i had to press on with completing a job and getting it uploaded to a clients FTP site.  So, i kept working at my desk apart from a couple of times when i got up to make coffee.

By lunchtime, i had the job finished but then had to change back to male outer clothes so as to be ready for meeting potential business partners in the afternoon.  The three potential partners, all male, arrived soon after lunch and we spent the whole afternoon in discussion.  i wondered at times what they would think and whether they would be so keen to work with me on this new venture if they knew that i was wearing female underwear beneath my male outer clothes.  Who knows, it might have made them all the more interested and keen but i was not game enough to find out.

Thursday July 23rd 2009 – Hair today, gone tomorrow!

Mistress Ana had asked me to visit Her today for two main reasons, the first being for me to do her hair and the second to give me a key to Her house so that i can continue to do my chores and keep Her place clean and tidy while She is away.  She leaves tonight for a 5 week vacation in Europe and so it will be some time before i get to serve Her in person once more.  However, i will still be serving Her while She is away for She has left me with a number of tasks to do before She returns as well as the duty of keeping Her house clean.

i arrived just after 12.00 noon, a little later than i had hoped but i had had to deal with tradesmen visiting my house to quote for some repair work after the storm damage of a couple of weeks back and this delayed my departure.  Mistress was in the throes of packing, there were cases and bags everywhere and She had an enormous amount of stuff, mostly gifts for Her people in Thailand and things She was taking to Europe for Her aunt.  So much chocolate!  Apparently chocolate is expensive and poor quality in Thailand and Mistress likes to give Her people there a treat.

My first job today was to dye Mistress’ hair.  i have never done this for anyone before and so it was a real learning curve for me, especially as Mistress has preserved a grey streak in Her hair for personal reasons which i am honoured to have been told but will not divulge here.  So, Mistress showed me how She avoids getting the hair colouring on the streak and showed me how to mix the colour and work it first into the roots and then all over.  Once that was done, i helped Her with Her packing, estimating weights of suitcases and other bags and closing and sealing them as well.

Once the colour in Her hair had set, She showered and had me bathe Her using exfoliating scrub and gloves.  i did my best but apparently i have much to learn in this area also.  i did not like to presume as where i should rub and scrub and left Her altar untouched.   i will be punished for this and for other misdemeanours on Mistress’ return.  After helping to towel Her dry, Mistress declared that the hair colouring had been successful and i felt glad that i had at least done a passable job there.

We ate lunch together, which Mistress had prepared and then it was time for me to leave.  As i dressed, Mistress again took a good look at and fondled my breasts and nipples.  She is certain that they will be lactating soon.  i told Her that i was now taking the fenugreek and She has suggested that i get a prescription for more Domperidone.  Mistress then had me kneel before Her and briefly worship Her body, not for long but, in Her words, “long enough for me to get a taste of what i will be missing” and i will miss Her, a lot.  However, just by going regularly to Her house and doing my chores, i will feel close to Her and She will continue to control much of my life even while She is away so although i will miss Her, i will still be in Her service and under Her control.

Mistress also had to go out so we left together and went first to the local shopping mall where i had a house key cut.  Mistress gave me instructions on how to work the burglar alarm and then sent me back to the house to test the key while She continued on with Her own affairs.  i was to phone Her and confirm that all was well, that i could get into the house and disarm and set the alarm.  All of this i did.  Mistress has also left me with two pairs of Her shoes that i must take and get caps put on the heels.  i should be able to do this myself if i can find the caps of the right size and shape.

Sadly, the breast pump did not arrive but i do now have a key and an authorisation to collect it once it does so at least i should have it by Tuesday when i go to clean.  Also, i got a late email from Mistress this evening telling me that She got some Domperidone for me so all is set for a combined herbal, medical and physio assault on my breasts to get them lactating once the pump arrives.  Mistress was also kind enough to advise me to wear shields once i do stats to lactate so that my wife will not notice.  i had been thinking a little about that issue and am glad to have been given some further advice.

So, i have had an interesting day if only briefly with Mistress Ana.  Our conversation ranged widely as ever but when discussing D/s issues, She continues to make it clear to me about Her concerns over Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) and why She will keep me in chastity and will not be comfortable sharing me.  She is absolutely right on the issue of STIs and i am more than content to go along with Her rules.  i am just as concerned about my own health as well as that of Mistress and cannot afford to run any risk at all of getting any infection or disease of that type.  This also has a great bearing on how things proceed with Lady Dynah.  i am happy to say that although She is still clearly angry at me, She is at least communicating and while our D/s relationship may come to an end, She has at least indicated that our friendship will not.  i shall write to Her again soon but do not want to rush things or bother Her too much until i sense that things are improving.

And so, as far as Mistress Ana is concerned, it was Her hair today and She will be gone tomorrow but through the CB-2000 chastity device and my list of chores and the lactation regime She has put me under, She will be with me constantly in mind if not in body.

Wednesday July 22nd 2009

Still horny and still with nipples that tingle and breasts that feel internal pressure or heavy, as Mistress Ana described the feeling, but as yet no milk.  A very busy day workwise but it did not stop me from slipping into red lacy boyleg panties and a matching bra or from slipping into the nearest health food store to buy some Fenugreek tea.  i also bought some fenugreek capsules on the advice of the guy in the store who told me the tea was awful.  Well, we shall see about that.  The guy in the store asked me what i wanted it for and i told him that it was for my daughter in law who was breastfeeding.  I left the store wondering what he would have thought had i said they were for me?  i began taking the capsules.  The tea needs to be infused in cold water, brought to the boil and then simmered for 10-15 minutes before being strained – a lot of messing about in the office where i can be seen and would have demanded some explanations so i will need to wait until the quiet of the evening – possibly a bedtime drink?

i also exchanged emails today with Lady Dynah.  She is being really bitchy about my relationship with Mistress Ana but then, as a Domme, She is entitled to be bitchy if She desires.  The good news though is that although i am certainly still on the outer and have much to do to appease Her, She has indicated that She will not abandon our vanilla friendship.  There is hope yet.  i really do not like to fall out with friends or be on the wrong side of people.  i try to please all of the people all of the time, even though i know it is impossible.  i find it very hard to ever say no to someone, especially someone i have got to know well.

Tuesday July 21st 2009 – Serving Mistress Ana, pain and pleasure

Oooohhhhhh, i felt so horny this morning!  i woke up to tingling tits and a strong desire to fondle them and also to try and relieve my need for an orgasm.  However, fortunately (or sadly) i had an early morning conference call with a potential client from the USA and so was quickly out of bed and over to the office.

The good news today was that school holidays are over and my wife was back to work and the even better news was that i was going to see Mistress Ana.  i have a feeling that this was as much the cause of my state of arousal as anything and so as soon as i had finished on the phone, i slipped into  matching red and black lace bra and panties, whore’s underwear for a slut.  i certainly felt slutty today and could not get over to Mistress Ana’s house fast enough and was cursing the increased traffic on the roads all the way there.

i wrote about whipping, pain, punishment and pleasure a few days ago and this morning my words were put to the test.  After i knelt and recited my Oath, Mistress reminded me that i had not yet been punished for various misdemeanours and that She had so far been very lenient with me.  i was of course aware of this and appreciated it so it was no surprise when i was ordered to strip and then climb onto Her bed and remain on all fours.  Mistress attached a leg spreader to my ankles and then fastened my wrists to the spreader also such that i was forced head down onto the bed and my ass fully exposed.  Mistress gave my ass a sound beating with both a riding crop and a paddle and also whipped my cock and balls.  Yes, it hurt and yes, i will carry the reminder for my transgressions for a few days but it was both necessary and welcome for it served to remind me of my status and position in Her life and Mistress’ Ownership and control of me.

While so exposed to Her, Mistress removed the chastity device and inspected my cock and balls.  It felt wonderful to have Her hands gripping my genitals – or should i say Her genitals – and i mentally begged Her to continue for i so wanted to cum.  However, it was not to be.  Mistress returned Her attention to my ass and after inserting a butt plug before administering more paddling and strokes of the crop to my already tender ass, She removed it and then raped my ass with my own strap-on.  i was guilty here of another transgression.  i had not given myself an enema.  i know i should have done this and regret that i forgot to do so.  i will not forget in future.  It did not stop Mistress raping me though and i confess to moving in time with Her thrusts and to enjoying being penetrated by Her.  Mistress though was not so satisfied with the size of strap-on that i had brought and advised that She likes big black ones to use on Her subs and so i have made a mental note to get one before i serve Her again.

Mistress finally finished and i was left to replace the CB-2000 chastity device and then clean the toys, still feeling horny, in fact more horny than ever and now with no hope of release for some considerable time for Mistress will be going away on vacation for 6 weeks or so on Friday.  Mistress then called me to get on my knees before Her and worship Her which i did with alacrity.  Ooohhhh, this was heaven and worth all of the pain i had experienced earlier this morning.  i suckled Her magnificent breasts and then lapped at Her altar and suckled on Her clitoris, felt my head being crushed between Her legs as She drew my and my tongue deeper into Her.  i wanted to remain there for ever but it was not to be.  Once satisfied, Mistress had me get dressed, fully “en femme” in my maid’s uniform, black stockings with the lace and cute bows at the top, black patent stiletto heeled pumps with an ankle strap, red wig and my red and black lace whore’s panties but no bra for Mistress loves to play with my nipples.

For the rest of the morning, i busied myself with ironing Mistress’ clothes, making the occasional coffee for Her and also being interviewed about who i really was.  Mistress wants me to continue with cleaning Her house and doing Her garden while She is away on vacation and, although Her son is comfortable with the idea of my doing so, quite rightly advised Her that She needed to know more about me.  i felt quite comfortable in telling Her as much as She wished to know and gave Her my business card and showed Her my driving license which She copied into a document that authorised me to collect a package from the Post Office.  That package will be the breast pump which W/we checked out together on the internet and successfully bought at a discounted price on E-bay.  Mistress has been very open with me and also today showed me many pictures of Her and Her family.  She has confided a lot in me about Her background and Her family etc. and i feel very honoured and shall of course fully respect and guard those confidences.

The breast pump i have bought

With the ironing complete, Mistress decided it was time for me to take Her to lunch and had me change back into my male outer clothes.  While i undressed though, Mistress once again began to fondle and suckle at my breasts, squeezing them and sucking hard on my nipples.  She is as excited about my potential lactation as i am and She noticed that my breasts were fuller.  Mistress thinks that i will soon be lactating and the pump will of course bring it on sooner rather than later.  i was back in heaven as She worked my breasts and nipples and so wanted to hold Her tightly and reciprocate but that is not for me, a slave, to do without being ordered to do so and so i just stood there feeling highly emotional and aroused as Mistress continued to fondle with and suckle at my breasts.  She has advised me to get some fenugreek herb and to drink it as a tea which i will and also mentioned a product called Milkmaid Tea from the USA that is produced to assist lactation but Mistress Ana was unsure if this can be imported into Australia and, having now checked it out, it is not.  So, it will be fenugreek tea now that the Domperidone tablets have run out.

We did finally get to go out for lunch only to find that the restaurant we had chosen had closed early due to lack of customers!  After an argument with a young manager at reception about trade practices and false advertising, we left and went to the pub next door where we had a sandwich and continued to chat about various aspects of our relationship and about the Lady Dynah request to transfer me.  We both decided that it would be a waste of time and so i will write again to Lady Dynah and pass that on.

Mistress Ana leaves on Friday but wants to have Her hair done on Thursday and i will go and do Her hair for Her.  This will be a new experience for me and i look forward to it eagerly.  At the same time, Mistress will give me a key to Her house so that i can continue to serve Her even while She is away.  i feel extremely honoured and also very, very lucky to have come into contact with Her and to be taken into Her confidence and to have become one of Her slaves.  Mistress has mentioned a number of plans She has for using me when She has friends around, not just on my own but also with Her other slave and i cannot deny that this excites me very much and i am looking forward to and hoping for a long and lasting relationship with this wonderful Lady and my new Owner.