Monday November 9th 2009 – Securely chastised again and dreaming of Mistress

After the difficulties with the smallest ring of the CB-2000, i am happy to say that the next size up seems to be working well.  It is at least not restricting circulation and causing my balls to swell like the smallest size did and it is definitely a closer fit than was the middles size so i am hoping that now there will be no inadvertent escapism by my rogue left testicle.

i spent today working hard in the office, wearing the new shoes that Mistress Ana brought me from Thailand while seated at my desk and with pale blue lace, matching bra and panties beneath my male outer clothes.  Feeling secure and now more comfortable in my cock cage meant that i was able to get on with my work without worrying about it and so with fewer distractions, i managed to put in a very successful day, turning out another completed project and getting it mailed off to my client.

i was out during the evening at a family event, playing soccer with my two boys before going to my eldest son’s house for dinner.  This was the first game of soccer i have played in 30 years and it showed!  Although in my day i had been a good player, this evening my mind was working so far ahead of my body that my age really told on me.  i was not disgraced however, in fact i still managed to surprise some of the younger guys i was playing against, none of them less than 25 years my junior!

Playing soccer in the CB-2000 was not an issue, which surprised me.  Going into the game, i was a bit tentative, not knowing how it might feel and how much it might interfere with my movements but i need not have worried for i never really noticed it at all.

On returning home late in the evening, i managed to make an excuse to go over to the office briefly.  i wanted to go online and make sure that there were no messages from Mistress Ana about tomorrow and my going to Her house to serve Her.  i was so looking forward to serving Her tomorrow that i felt real deep disappointment when i say Her message that the builders were still busy at Her house and that my visit must be postponed until Friday.  i adore Her and love serving Her so much and W/we are both so frequently away traveling that i hate to miss any opportunity to be with Her and although there is still Friday to look forward to it only serves to increase my longing and my need for Her control.

i am wondering though whether Mistress Ana might like to visit me while the builders are at Her house.  i shall be alone in my office all day on Thursday, a day i shall use to be “en femme” all day.  i would love Mistress Ana to visit me here so that She can see all of my wardrobe and my toys and also be able to picture finally the environment in which i live and work so that when we chat online She will be able to visualise my circumstances at any one moment.  She would not need necessarily to stay very long but it would be enough for Her to get even deeper into my psyche and strengthen the control that She has on me by increasing Her knowledge of my circumstances.  It is just a thought and Mistress may well see things quite differently from me but i will make the invitation in any event.

Saturday November 7th – Sunday November 8th 2009; Chastity trouble!

Saturday was a day for working in my own garden.  After going out and doing some grocery shopping, my wife had plans for me to work all day in the garden.  A hole needed to be dug down to a pipe that feeds into our house’s BioMax sewage system, a system that recycles our waste water and uses it for irrigating the garden.  During winter, when the water table is high, the system is leaking inwards, flooding with groundwater and causing us all sorts of problems.  We have traced the problem now to just a short section of pipe close tot he main tank itself and a hole needed to be dug down to it with the aim of hopefully finding out the problem.  This was my job on Saturday.  i dug and dug for about 3 hours and finally exposed the pipe at a depth of about 2.5 metres.  Tree roots have got into joints in the pipe and into the tank wall where the pipe goes into it and so it will have to be replaced.

After all of this exertion, especially not being used to such work, i was tired, stiff and sore and so took myself off to have a long soak in the bath.  It was there that i discovered that my left testicle had escaped again from the CB-2000 chastity device.  How? i have no idea for it is impossible to get it back and difficult enough to get it into the base ring of the cock cage as it is, even before locking it in place.  i felt very deflated for i know i shall be punished for having had to remove the device and replace it yet again.  i decided that i clearly needed to change the ring size on the CB-2000 to something smaller in diameter.  i was using the ring that was in the middle of the size range but decided i would now try to fit the smallest diameter.  This was easier said than done and it took me about 20 minutes of effort to persuade my left testicle to join the right testicle inside the ring.  However, i managed to fit into the smallest ring and felt better once i had the cock cage fully in place and locked.  However, i used a small padlock this time rather than the coded security tag because i was not sure that the small ring might in fact be too small and wanted to be sure all was well before sealing myself inside the device again.

It was as well that i did because by Sunday, my scrotum had swollen and my balls were aching.  The ring was too tight!  i decided to remove it and go for the next size up, the diameter between what i had been wearing and the smallest.  This too proved to be more difficult than it looked and i struggled for a good 15 minutes to remove the smallest ring, using a large amount of vaseline to help ease my swollen balls through the ring.  Next, came the equally difficult task of getting the balls through the slightly larger diameter ring.  Already lubricated, i managed it in a shorter time and once again secured the cock cage with a padlock rather than a security seal, preferring to be sure that the ring is not too tight before using the tag.

All of this is quite distressing for i have come to feel secure and comfortable in the CB-2000 and the thought of being able to escape from it does not make me happy for it defeats the whole purpose and sense of belonging and control that it gives me if it cannot be removed without my Owner, Mistress Ana knowing and approving.  i sincerely hope that the ring size now in place will be enough to prevent any escape whether inadvertent or intended.

Friday November 6th 2009 – Frustration while with Mistress Ana and Her builders!

There was no email message from Mistress Ana this morning and so i depilated, exfoliated, showered, moisturised, and perfumed myself and slipped into turquoise lace bra and pale blue lace panties beneath my male clothes and headed off to Mistress’ house.  i arrived there a little late for as i was leaving home, my wife phoned to ask me to drop off Her spectacles at Her workplace, a small diversion but one which nonetheless made me later than i wanted to be.

i arrived at Mistress’ house and was not surprised to find builders on the scene.  Mistress was pleased to see me and to my delight, presented me with a gift from Thailand, a lovely pair of sling back, low heeled, open toed shoes in pink, grey and brown.  i was thrilled to receive them, especially as i have pink, grey and brown clothes that will go well with the shoes.  i am so very lucky to belong to such a thoughtful and caring Mistress.  Mistress also gave me some Thai chocolates and candies and made me feel very special.

As for the builders, they busied themselves around the place while Mistress and i sat and chatted over coffee.  i was not asked to change “en femme” so yesterday’s fantasy was never going to materialise, for which i was grateful although should Mistress have wished to see me so humiliated, i would not have hesitated for even a moment.  As we chatted, i realised that i had made a mistake with the making up of the bed in Mistress’ son’s room downstairs and know that i shall be punished for it.  Fortunately, it was not entirely my fault and Mistress will not be too hard on me for it.  W/we chatted a lot about Her son, who has now moved out, and his girlfriend and a very embarassing experience for Mistress’ garden slave, Lucy, who was busy working in the garden when seen by the son’s girlfriend who called for the police, suspecting Lucy to be a burglar.  This would have been the only burglar in history to rob someone and do their garden at the same time!

Mistress told me of the reaction of both Her daughter in law and also Her own daughter, both of whom are aware of the fact that Mistress has slaves who do chores for Her, Lucy in the garden and me in the house.  The daughter in law it seems has asked that i go and clean Her house and Mistress’ daughter would be delighted to have me crawl on all fours to worship Her feet.  Both are young, attractive women whom i would consider it an honour to serve should Mistress Ana require me to do so.  i belong to Her first and foremost and i truly adore Her and could only ever serve others at Her request or command.  i feel so fortunate to belong to Her and to be in service to such a wonderful Domme after searching so far and wide over many years, that i am devoted to Her service first and foremost and above all else.

W/we also chatted about travel and about Mistress’ desire to visit Peru on vacation with Her daughter, possibly next year.  This idea has got me very excited for it would be an opportunity for me to be clean shaven and “en femme” serving Mistress 24/7 for the duration of the vacation.  my mind is now racing with the possibilities of being their sissy tour guide for 2 or 3 weeks in Peru.  i know that i would be in heaven and i pray that it will actually come to pass.  i dream of going with Mistress Ana and daughter to the salon where i go with Goddess Joyce to get a pedicure and manicure together as well as going shopping together and doing all of the touristy things.  This whole concept will now occupy my mind and i shall dream and plan the whole vacation until it does become reality.

With the builders still busy around the house, Mistress and i went out for lunch and also did a little grocery shopping.  i felt a little frustrated at not being able to dress “en femme” today, it being one of the days of the week when i would normally spend the full day at work fully dressed with blouse, skirt, wig and jewellery but there was no resentment for i was spending time with my Mistress and Owner.  However, after lunch, with the builders still at the house, i had to take my leave having been unable to serve Mistress personally and as i drove away i felt incredibly horny.  i had so needed to serve Her that by the time i got home, i ached inside.  A genuine ache of real need such that time cannot go quickly enough for me between now and Tuesday when i return to serve Her.

Thursday November 5th 2009 – A quiet day and a fantasy

After working all night and finally finishing around 5.30am, i went over to the house and had breakfast with my wife before heading off to bed around 6.00am.  i slept through to 11.00am and then it was up again and back to work.  i slipped into an olive grey lace bra and grey lace panties before putting on my male outer clothes and then headed into the City for a meeting with a client.  The meeting went very well but took most of the afternoon.  In the evening, i was online, hoping to catch Mistress Ana for a chat and to confirm that i was to visit Her tomorrow.  Sadly, i was unable to chat with Her so simply sent an email that i hoped She might see and respond to before i left for Her house in the morning.  Essentially, if i heard nothing more from Her, i would assume i was to go to Her house.

i am aware that Mistress was expecting to have builders at Her house fixing up some subsidence issues and so am unsure whether i might cause a problem by being at Her house while the builders are there but i shall go in the morning if i hear nothing from Her for i am sure that even if there are builders at the house, Mistress will know how to handle the situation.  However, my slutty feminine mind cannot help but speculate as to what might be, imagining myself fully “en femme” and dusting or cleaning at Mistress’ house with macho builders around and the potential in such a scenario for my humiliation and possible use as a slut to one or all of the builders.  Realistically, i  do not believe Mistress would allow such a thing to happen but i confess to the fantasy and to the reality that i am truly a whore.

Wednesday November 4th 2009 – frustration and a 24hr day!

What a day!  It began normally enough, typical Wednesday, up around 6.00am, read the newspaper, showered and then off to work at 07.30am, dressed in olive-grey lace bra and panties beneath my male outer clothes.  The usual checking and responding to emails received and then down to productive data processing work.  That was when things began to go wrong.  What with computers that were unable to do simple maths or recognise simple header files that are normally routine, by lunchtime i was feeling frustrated, by dinner time angry and by midnight positively livid yet calmly continuing to get the work out in spite of all adversity.  i still have no idea why a software that i have used for years could not handle the data i was working with.  It could read it in but whenever i displayed it with other data it would not co-locate the diverse data sets.  It took forever for me to discover the work around, something that took about 3 times as long as the normal procedure but a method that worked at least so that i managed to get the job out of the door and FTP delivered before close of business in South America (that is to say at 5.00am Thursday morning, Western Australia time).

Yes, i worked continually from 07.30am to 5.30am the next day, stopping only for lunch, dinner and the occasional tea or coffee!  i did chat briefly with Mistress Ana who had had a successful trip to Canberra but was feeling tired so we did not chat for long.  i hope to chat again Thursday and to serving Her on Friday, something to really look forward to now that i have got most of the pressing work out of the way.

One of the benefits of having to work all night was that from about 11.00pm, once i knew my wife was in bed and asleep, i was able to slip into something more comfortable, pulling on a brown mini-skirt and pink blouse, my long red wig, and stepping into a pair of brown 4″ wedge-heeled strappy sandals, So dressed, i felt very comfortable and worked away steadily and happily all through the night – which seemed to just fly by!

My wife phoned across at about 3.30am to ask what the hell i thought i was doing but was happy enough when i told Her i had to get a job finished and was struggling with the data.  She thinks i am crazy, but then what’s new about that!  In any event, she left me to my work and went back to sleep, completely ignorant of the fact that she was talking over the phone to someone dressed entirely “en femme” and sitting only about 15 metres away from where she lay in bed!

 

Tuesday November 3rd – Cleaning for Mistress

i was up early and out quickly, calling at the shops on my way to Mistress Ana’s house to buy some flowers for Her. i arrived at Her house at 8.45am and it was close to 9.00am by the time i had changed into my maid’s clothes, comprising black mini skirt and blouse, white apron, white stockings, black patent leather stiletto heels, long red wig, hooped earrings, ladies watch and the luxury of a little lipstick.

First, i found a vase and put the flowers in water.  i had bought both yellow and orange liliums – Mistress had made it clear that i was not to buy gerbera’s, chrysanthmums or roses!  i also gave them some cut flower food.  Next, i checked to see if Mistress had left any laundry.  There was too little to be bothered with.  However, in venturing downstairs i also checked the state of the bedroom and Mistress’ office, both of which Mistress had said were a mess.  She was not joking.

First though, i made up Mistress’ bed.  The clean linen had been left on the bed apart from two pillowcases which i found among the items to be ironed and so quickly ran the iron over them and put them on the pillows on the bed.  Once Mistress’ bed was made up, i went downstairs to make up the other bed.  Having done so, i thought that the room would also benefit for a clean so dusted surfaces and skirting board and then vacuumed the carpet.  i also wiped down the surfaces in the bathroom and cleaned the mirror.  i got the impression that Mistress’ youngest son had not cleaned either room or bathroom for some time.

Next, i tackled Mistress’ office.  Again, i wiped down all surfaces and tidied up papers, being careful not to throw out anything that might be important, leaving such things neatly on Mistress’ desk.  Here also i vacuumed the carpet.  Next it was back upstairs to clean the large balcony.  When i first went out there, i noticed the lady from next door collecting Her mail.  She did not notice me though but it got  me pondering what repercussions there might be had She spotted me.  Not so much a concern for me, more perhaps for Mistress.  Anyway, i continued with the cleaning, first cleaning the surfaces and then sweeping up the grime before mopping the tiled floor and finally cleaning the glass ballustrades inside and out.   While i was doing this, the phone rang and i decided i should answer it, thinking it could be Mistress.  It wasn’t. It was an Australian male, possibly Mistress’ husband, he wouldn’t say but when he asked who i was i simply told him it was roxie, the cleaner!  Having been told Mistress would be back tonight, he said he would call again later.

Once the balcony was finished i gave the lounge room and kitchen a quick tidy up and clean, not a thorough one because i was running out of time, but swept the floor where a few crumbs had been spilled and wiped down the kitchen surfaces.  i worked through from 9.00am to 1.00pm and by the time i had finished i was starving and also perspiring as the day had turned quite warm after a cool start.  i changed back into my male outer clothes, leaving the white lace  bra and panties on underneath.  It would have been 1.15pm when i took out the rubbish to the bin as i left and while i would have loved to stay longer and to have made a start on the ironing, at least i left the place looking much tidier and cleaner than i found it.

The rest of the day i spent back in my own office working to get as much done as possible in the hope of having more time to spend with Mistress on Friday, something i am looking forward to very eagerly.

Monday November 2nd 2009 – Mistress returns

i just love pink and once again chose pink lace bra and panties to wear beneath my male outer work clothes.  i was at work early and on the lookout for Mistress Ana coming online for i knew that She was due to arrive home from Thailand this morning.  i was not disappointed and was able to chat with Her a couple of times during the day.  Where i was disappointed though was being told that Mistress was going to Canberra tonight and will not return until tomorrow night.  Mistress needs to go to the Romanian Embassy in  person and so i will not be able to see Her tomorrow, something i was really looking forward to eagerly.  Still, i do not need to be too sad for Mistress still expects me to go to Her house and do some cleaning.  Her youngest son has moved out and left the place in quite a mess and so there will be a lot for me to do there tomorrow and i do love to do such chores for Mistress.  i see them as a form of worship and a means of demonstrating my love for Her and my acceptance of Her control over and Ownership of me.  Also, of course, i shall be “en femme” while there, essentially in my element.  i shall also look forward now to Friday.  Mistress wants to see me then and so i shall work very hard at my business to find the time to visit Her house again then.  In that vein, i worked late into the night today, not getting finished until close to midnight.

Saturday October 31st and SundayNovember 1st 2009

Weekend seems to come around very quickly these days and then to flash by quickly as well.  Saturday dawned warm and sunny and so, as anticipated, it was spent in the garden doing several odd jobs that needed my attention.  Although i was able to slip into a pair of old white lace boy-leg panties and an equally old bra (because i did not want to get any of my nicer and newer underwear sweaty or risk damaging it), that was it as far as giving license to my femininity went today.  i cleaned the pool pump and chlorinator, the pool itself, took down some old lighting to prepare the way for some new lighting around the pool area,  and also went and did the weeks grocery shopping.  My wife is really not well.  She has a terrible cough and was not up to doing the weekly shop so it was left to me,  something i really don’t mind.  i actually enjoy shopping, especially together with Her.  i am happy to say that relations today were much warmer than the last two days.  She seems to have got over catching me “en femme” earlier in the week and is now responding to my attention to Her needs.

Saturday evening, we were both due to go to the theatre to see the Western Australia Opera production of Puccini’s “Girl of the Golden West” (La Fanicula del West) but my wife cried off.  She is not a lover of opera at the best of times and accompanies me on sufferance.  This time though She was really not well enough to come along and so i went alone.  i love the opera and not just for the music.  i especially like to look at the ladies and see what they are wearing, usually with envy.  So many look so elegant, dressed especially for the occasion.  One day, i shall go to the opera “en femme” and do likewise (a long term secret ambition of mine!).  It can only ever happen in Perth while my wife is out of town for only then can i remove my beard with any degree of comfort.  There might be opportunities sometimes while i am traveling but i will most definitely do it before i die, one way or another!

The story of Minnie, “The Girl from the Golden West” portrays Her as a tough lady who becomes both a mother figure and goddess to the patrons of her saloon – all miners in the era of the gold rush on California’s Mother Lode.  She certainly was the dominant person in the mine camp and was probably a true reflection of the type of woman who took part in those heady gold rush days.  They would have to have been tough and able to handle men in an environment where the men themselves were tough but yet vulnerable and in need of a woman’s control to keep their perspective.

Sunday was a quiet day at home apart from a couple of hours during which i went alone to mass and then on to the farmers market to buy the weekly fruit and vegetables.  My wife, still not feeling good, decided to remain at home.  i relaxed with her, watching movies on TV and i prepared the Sunday roast.  i do usually help with the cooking but today i did the lot and it turned out very well indeed.  i just wish that my wife would insist that i do it all of the time!  Sunday best underwear today, clean, sexy white lace bra and panties!

Friday October 30th 2009 – Disaster with chastity

i have no idea how it could have happened but it has.  During the night, i recall  feeling a dull ache in my genitals and, half asleep, moving my hand down to the cock cage and pulling it gently until it felt right, at the same time becoming more awake as the ache became a severe pain in my left testicle.  Further feeling around there under the cover of the bedclothes reassured me that the CB-2000 was still securely in place even thought it did not feel quite right.  i awoke this morning knowing something was amiss and, on getting to the bathroom, discovered that my left testicle had escaped the CB-2000.  i tried to get it back in without removing the cock cage but to no avail.  How on earth it got out, i have no idea but escape it did.

i was now faced with a dilemma. i could leave things as they were which would require explanation sooner or later to Mistress Ana and be decidedly uncomfortable in the meantime, or remove and then replace the cock cage using another seal, which would also require explanation and, i am sure, result in some form of punishment.  In fact, i was certain that i would be punished no matter what but decided it would be better to be truthful whether or not Mistress Ana believed my explanation.  The thought then occurred to me that i might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb and take the opportunity to masturbate.  Believe it or not though, i have never felt less like masturbating!  i was more preoccupied with how on earth the testicle could have got through the narrow confining gap in the CB-2000 rings and the consequences of it having done so to think about masturbating.  Furthermore, the horniness that develops while wearing the device is as much a psychological or emotional need as it is a physical need and i felt that i wanted to orgasm only when told to do so by Mistress Ana.  To cheat would be cheating myself as much as it would Her for the ultimate orgasm is one that is emotionally shared and not a furtive secret masturbation.

So, i removed the cock cage before getting in the shower and my Friday morning depilation, exfoliation and moisturisation ritual.  It gave me the chance to shave again my genitals and thoroughly clean that area.  After this, i replaced the chastity device using seal number CW8YD.  A splash of perfume later, i slipped into matching pink lace bra and panties, a white blouse, pink calf length skirt, long red wig and pink stiletto heeled sandals.  Before starting work, i gathered up my weeks laundry and put it through the washing machine.  Today was beautifully sunny and warm and i knew i could get all my washing done and dry before my wife returned home.  i spent the full working day in my office then completely “en femme.”  It may be surprising for some to know that such days when i am dressed “en femme” are some of my most productive and today was no exception.  i think this stems from simply being so comfortable and at home dressed as a woman that i am less distracted whereas days when i am only able to wear feminine underwear beneath my male outer clothes and ladies shoes while at my desk, i am much more conscious of my situation and on guard, so less focused on work.

Nothing else much to report on today.  No chats with anyone.  However, i did come across a wig for sale that i love.  Though i regularly wear my long red wig, i would love to have a shorter style that is perhaps more in keeping with my age and i just adore this one, a bargain at just $55.

i also discovered Christian Laboutin shoes – so many gorgeous heels on view i was drooling, and an article on “How high does one go with one’s heels? “ Such interesting reading that i not only voted on the 5″ or higher but also decided to provide the link.  The final thing was my Gravatar.  i have been creating virtual looks for myself on a virtual shopping site and decided that i could link some of the looks i have created there for myself to my Gravatar within my blog.  i am still not sure how effective it will be but i have a lot of fun virtually trying on different clothes for different activities.  It can’t equal the real thing but it is the next best thing for a would be gurl!

Thursday October 29th 2009 – A little warmer

Well, there was no overnight brainstorm i am afraid to confess!  i am still at a loss as to what i would like Mistress Ana to bring me.  Truth is, if i were able to be my feminine self 24/7, there would be no end to the number of things i could think of but having to maintain an outward male appearance for so much of the time, items like jewellery that i could wear to signify my position are just not going to work in such a way that i could demonstrate proudly my status which would after all be the main point.

Relations with my wife have warmed a little today but not greatly.  She continues to be stand-offish.  However, i am not sure whether or not she is really well.  She has not really shaken off a cough that she picked up in China 2 weeks ago and it now seems to be worsening.  Try as i might to be sympathetic and to try and comfort Her and make Her feel better, i am getting only a lukewarm response.  Not sure if it is ill feeling towards me still or feeling ill inside.

i wrote to Mystress of Mystress World today to advise that i would not be continuing my membership beyond my current expiry date at the end of next month.  i explained that it was not anything negative towards MW but rather the fact that i am now in active service and receiving first hand practical training locally on a regular basis.  With this and the fact that the latter lessons in MW have been somewhat repetitive, i suggested that perhaps MW needs to establish a higher level of membership for such cases that allows continuation of  membership but with training being hands on rather than online.  The membership would still allow online contact for mentoring as and when required as well as continued sharing of ideas and experiences.  To my absolute delight, Mystress has replied already and told me that i may continue to have access to the website and will have no reporting  or other requirements of membership, although She would like to hear from me from time to time.  Mystress is especially pleased to know of my status as slave to Mistress Ana.

For me this is wonderful news for i never have like to be on the wrong side of anyone and it was important to me to be able to reduce my involvement and commitments to MW from a time consideration if nothing else and i did not want to do this in such a way that i would have been thought ill of.  And so, i shall indeed continue to check out the site from time to time and will continue to report there on my observations and experiences in different parts of the world.
Little else to report today other than work plus, of course, that i wore the same purple bra but with lilac lace panties today under my male clothes and a black mini skirt and gorgeous black strappy stiletto sandals while in the office alone late in the evening – daring once more considering the current difficult relations with my wife but probably safer now than ever for She is most unlikely to burst in on me again so soon.   Tomorrow, Friday, and i shall be “en femme” almost the entire day – mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.