Friday November 27th 2009 – too unwell to be bothered with bra and panties

Well, i slept through until 9.00am and when i got up was not sure whether i felt better or worse.  i was definitely still heavy headed but that could have been from the heavy sleep.  However, i had no appetite and coffee or tea made no difference, they both tasted the same – bland.  i felt like just going back to bed but i had too much to do with having to travel tomorrow early up to Cusco and on to site to do some fieldwork on our project.  i am a little concerned about going up to altitude not feeling 100%.  i do not normally suffer from altitude sickness and am quite able to work at high altitude but i have seen very able people who can normally operate quite well in that environment really struggle when they are not well.  The trip is only for 2 days but at over 4,500m above sea level it will be arduous so i am not looking forward to it.  i could cancel or postpone it but tickets are bought and not changeable – because we are strapped for cash and reduced to buying special fares!  So, i got on with what i had to do although i did not dress properly, i simply pulled on a tracksuit over my PJ’s, i really did not feel well enough to be bothered.

By lunchtime i was flagging and took myself off to bed for a couple of hours, proof that i was right not to have removed my Pj’s.  Again i slept solidly but felt little better on waking up.  In the afternoon, i was busy with corporate business and joint venture legalities and in the evening i packed and prepared for my early rise and departure.  Once done, i came online to enter my blog and found Mistress Ana on line.  We were able to chat very briefly but enough to find out that the price for the pendant will be fine as long as it is not flimsy.  So i will go back on Monday, all being well, and finalise the job.

Now, having brought my blog up to date, i shall go to be and be back on line on Monday all being well.

Thursday November 26th 2009 – Thanksgiving!

Though it might have been a holiday for some, not for me so it was up as usual and off to work but not before i had put on the same pink lace and mesh bra as yesterday and with a pair of panties to match.  Both under my male clothes of course.  Mind you, i was looking forward to the evening.  Having been invited for Thanksgiving dinner by Goddess Joyce, i had half an inkling that i might be able to change “en femme” once there.  i had no idea who else might be there other than Her mother and husband but it hasn’t mattered much in the past for i have been present as roxie in front of friends and family on a number of occasions.  It just seems to depend on which family members are present.

In any event, it was work before pleasure and i had quite a full day working on attracting finance for our exploration ventures as well as trying to turn out products for a client to bring in some funds that will pay the bills.  As the day wore on i began to feel unwell.  By lunchtime i had a headache and felt nauseous rather than hungry.  i tried eating something and then regretted it for it just made me feel worse.  i was thinking of calling Goddess Joyce and making my excuses but see all too little of Her as it is so held off until i felt really unwell.  As it turned out, not unexpectedly, Goddess Joyce interrupted my day at about 3.00pm, with some requests for me to pick some things for Her to bring along in the evening.  This is par for the course.  She likes to give me challenges and make me run around town for Her.  She wanted 3 music CDs that She apparently has been unable to find.

i had planned to visit a jeweler on my way to Goddess’ apartment to see about getting a pendant made for Mistress Ana so taking in a couple of music stores that i knew that were nearby would not be a problem, i just hoped that they would have the CDs.  As it turned out, the first store i entered had all three and i didn’t even have to search for them.  The assistant was just great!  At the jewelers, no problem in making the pendant for about $200 in solid gold.  Now i just need to know if that will be OK for Mistress Ana.  So, instead of the hour and a half i had allowed myself, i was finished in half an hour so had the best part of an hour to kill before continuing on to Goddess’s apartment.

i had already decided not to take any “femme” clothing because i really did not feel 100%.  My headache had eased but my muscles still ached.  i felt like i was coming down with the flu and even though it was quite warm, i would shiver at times and feel hot at others.  i considered canceling again but in the end i turned up, still a little early but was made very welcome.  Senora Sylvia, Goddess’ mother was there, busy in the kitchen.  i offered to help but was quickly told to open the wine i had brought, pour some for everyone and relax. In addition to Senora Sylvia and Goddess’ sub-husband, Goddess’ aunt, uncle and cousin also arrived.  We enjoyed an excellent meal with good conversation although i confess that at times the speed of the spanish left me behind.  However, i chatted a lot with Goddess’ uncle, a macho CID policeman.  i couldn’t help wondering what he would have thought or said had he knew about my D/s relationship with Joyce and that under my male clothes i was wearing feminine underwear.  i wondered too if he could smell my female deodorant?  Whatever, he was kind enough to give me a lift home afterward.

Goddess’ aunt is a stunning looking lady although only short.  She has the most beautiful eyes and an enormous bust line for someone so short and with such a slender waist.  But it is Her eyes that catch attention even though She wore a beautiful low cut green patterned top with sequins that made no attempt to hide Her magnificent breasts.  Also, for someone so small, She has a commanding presence in a room.  i remembered meeting Her previously at Goddess’ wedding and thinking then how well She made Her presence felt without going over the top.

As the evening went on though, i began to feel more an more jaded and was getting to be eager to leave.  i noticed Goddess, now exactly 40 weeks pregnant and looking every day of it, closing Her eyes for a moment in a lull in the conversation.  When She opened them again i caught Her eye and mentioned that She must be tired and too my, and i think also Her, relief, everyone agreed that it was time to head home. It was gone 11.00pm and by the time i fell into bed close to midnight, i couldn’t get into bed fast enough.  By now, i was quite feverish and lay in bed shivering one minute and sweating the next.  i had made myself a hot toddy of lemon juice, whisky and honey and taken a couple of panadol in the hope of warding off whatever it was that was about to bug me and soon drifted off to sleep.

Wednesday November 25th 2009 – My birthday – In the pink!

Yes, my birthday!  Not that at my age it is anything particularly special but special enough for me to linger a little longer in bed this morning, teasing my nipples through the satin of my PJ’s and fantasising of what might have been had i been born in a woman’s body.  All quite arousing both phyisically and emotionally but not good for a gurl in chastity!  So, i did not linger too long but got up and shaved, showered and moisturised.  i treated myself to my twice weekly depilation, exfoliation and moisturisation and when i had done, added an extra splash of perfume before slipping into a lovely matching pink lace and mesh bra and thong set which i really love.  It had to be pink today of all days!  What a pity i had to be at work and so had to put on ugly male clothes over the top!  i wore the pink, grey and brown shoes that Mistress Ana brought me from Thailand which was appropriate because as soon as i got to my desk this morning She was online and we were able to chat briefly.  She was very tired and had had to delay Her departure for Thailand because the equipment She was taking proved too big for checked in baggage and had to be sent by courier.  As a result She was only wait-listed on the next flight so i am hoping all went well and that She has arrived safely.

We did discuss Mistress’ ideas for a forthcoming lunch She will throw for D/s friends and associates and She will want myself and Her other slave, Paul to be there to serve in all meanings of the word and She did intimate that it would be a cock and pussy feast!  i know that will mean giving oral service to Mistress and/or Her guests and it is something i have long fantasised about.  i have said before on these pages that being a slave in a situation that is entirely private is fine but there is something special when one’s servitude and devotion to an Owner is demonstrated publicly in this way.  Many would consider it to be humiliating and degrading but in essence it is quite the opposite for it shows strength of character and devotion to another that speaks volumes more than the average expression of devotion in a vanilla relationship.  When the time comes, i shall serve to the best of my ability in whatever manner Mistress requires for i consider myself to be an extension of Her body and will, an instrument for Her pleasure and am proud to be chosen for whatever purpose She considers me suitable.

Mistress and i also have been discussing a new local Chapter of an ClubFEM, an international organisation for Dominant Females and submissive males.  The FEM stands for “Females Enslaving Males.”  They plan to have social gatherings, both vanilla and fetish, and this will be another forum where i shall hope to be able to make public my servitude and position as slave belonging to Mistress Ana.  The Club has a silver pendant and Mistress has asked me to see if i can get a gold version made for Her while i am away,   a task that i shall carry out with pleasure.

TheClubFEM silver pendant

The rest of my day was like any other day at work and with so much going on at the moment as i try to generate business, quite hectic.  i worked into the evening even though it was my birthday.  i had planned on dressing fully “en femme” and venturing to a bar for a drink but it became impossible when my associate decided that he was not going anywhere this evening.  i could have gone out in male mode but saw nothing special in that so decided to just work on and listen to music while i did so, holed up in my room with the door locked where at least i could slip into a dress and wig, be my feminine self and catch up on some useful document preparations.

Tuesday November 24th 2009 – oh to be chained to a desk!

A busy day today with a number of meetings.  i chose the same olive-grey lace bra to wear today as i wore yesterday but today chose a lilac coloured thong.  Not exactly colour coordinated but then a gurl can’t have everything, especially with a limited wardrobe which, when travelling is even more restricted.

Chatted briefly online with Mistress Ana today.  she is preparing for another trip to Thailand and once again has a luggage allowance problem.  With taking so much equipment over to their clinic/resort there, each time She goes She is pushing the bounds of what airlines will allow.

No contact with Goddess Joyce today so am wondering about whether baby Vincent has decided to get his act together?  i will find out tomorrow no doubt.

One of my meetings today was with a corporate lawyer in his company’s offices.  i was met by a very attractive receptionist who bade me sit down and wait for the lawyer i was meeting to come through.  As i waited, female lawyers, legal secretaries and other female staff were busying around and all were stunningly attractive.  This is not unusual here in Peru where women always make the best of themselves and manage to look good at all times but it is also something i notice about the offices of all the lawyers i have met here.  All of their women are beautiful with stunning figures and are expensively and elegantly dressed.  i was sat musing over whether this was because of a recruitment policy or because the charges lawyers are renowned for making pays for the clothing and probably a significant amount of cosmetic surgery besides when i was ushered through to a meeting room by a guy dressed like a waiter who offered to make me tea or coffee.  It broke my reverie for a moment but then, as he went off to make my tea, had me thinking what it must be like to be at the lowest end of the food chain in such an office full of gorgeous women and being their errand boy, placing myself in such a position and then moving on to fantasise about Mistress Ana’s desire to have me fixed permanently beneath Her office desk in Thailand where i would be available to serve her orally whilever She was at Her desk, irrespective of whoever else might enter the room.  By the time my lawyer arrived for the meeting, i was really quite lost in my fantasy!  Oh to be chained to a desk, Mistress Ana’s desk! One day, Mistress Ana, one day……………

Monday November 23rd 2009 – Crime and punishment

No silly dreams last night, i slept soundly and woke up refreshed ready for the start of another week on the road.  i chose my olive-grey lace bra this morning, it is one of my favourites for it pushes my breasts out nicely and is very comfortable.  With them i put on almost transparent grey mesh panties from La Senza , one of my favourite underwear stores that i visit whenever i am in Toronto.  Sadly, the weekend being over, it was male outer clothes all day although, of course i wore stiletto heels, a lovely maroon pair with an open toe and a small platform, while at my desk, which was most of the day.

i had received a mountain of messages overnight and most needed to be dealt with quite urgently and then there was the work i had scheduled for today that couln’t be put off.  So, it was a long day but it was at least pleasantly interspersed with conversations online and over the phone with Mistress Ana and Goddess Joyce respectively.  It was, as ever, lovely to chat with Mistress Ana, even though in the course of the conversation i managed to earn two causes for punishment on my return.  The first for not admitting quickly enough that She was always at least one step ahead of my thoughts and the second for still not having painted the humbler bright red.  i explained that i have the paint but that i have to be very careful and discrete in when and where i do the painting, all of which is true but my delay on this is not acceptable and so i shall be punished,

To an outsider, the beating i shall get for these two misdemeanours might seem harsh but i accept them quite gladly.  People might think that anyone who allows another to paddle his rear or whip him must have something missing upstairs but that is not the case.  The exercise is one in which Mistress reasserts Her authority and control and is necessary so as to maintain the Owner/slave relationship and keeps me, the slave, very much in my place.  Believe it or not, but i actually need this form of discipline and although it hurts and i never actually relish the painful aspects of it, it is a bonding experience and one after which i feel so emotionally close to my Owner that the elation is hard to describe.  Elation?  Yes, for i am filled with respect for Mistress Ana plus love and joy that i belong to such a strong willed woman who could have number of slaves but has included me among them and has given me in return, Her love and Her nurturing.  D/s is not all about punishment, there is the nurturing aspect also and Mistress has been more than generous in Her gifts to me both physical, like the shoes, handbag and clothing for example, as well as in shaping my behaviour, my femininity and my emotional well being.

So, though i now have punishment lined up, i knew that i would have some punishment and need some discipline when i am next with Mistress anyway.  My chat on the phone with Goddess Joyce was equally enjoyable even though i failed to find the wine that She specifically requested.  The truth is that it does not exist.  i tried the best wine  merchants in Lima and even went to the winemaker’s website and discovered that it does not exist, not these days anyway.  i suspect it to be a wine that She enjoyed several years ago and that it has been superceded.  In any event, there will be some additional punishment for me there no doubt, especially because i could not find the raspberry leaf tea either!  But punishment shows that She cares and that i too care enough to do my best for Her when running errands.

Such failures are not crimes as such for they cannot be helped but they would be if i were to be deliberately lax in my efforts.  In that case, the punishment is a way of making me shape up or ship out.  If i did not want to serve then i would not serve well and so would resent the punishment and would walk away from the relationship.  The essence of the discipline is that by accepting it i am confirming that i truly do wish to continue in the relationship and that i need to do more to please my Owner.  Everything has its price, and the punishment and pain that goes with discipline is the payment for the joy of belonging to and having a close personal relationship in service of beautiful, strong willed women like Mistress Ana, Goddess Joyce and Lady Dynah, each of whom i adore and am very proud to know and serve.

Sunday November 22nd 2009 – not such sweet dreams!

i slept wonderfully in the sexy new snakeskin patterned satin baby doll PJ’s but still had a recurring dream that is becoming more and more frequent these days – or should i say nights!  The dream, or perhaps nightmare sees me being discovered “en femme” by my wife and all sorts of other people.  The circumstances vary but i always finish up being embarrassingly discovered to be the sissy that i am.  Because it is happening more and more frequently and is something that has only started to happen recently i am wondering if it is some sort of premonition.  i have had dreams before that have come true and so this is all a bit unnerving.  Not that it has stopped me dressing “en femme” whenever i can but it has certainly got me wondering.

In some ways, discovery or “outing” would be a great relief for i have often wished that i could “come out” and just live my life as i wished without having to respect societies norms for the sake of family but always these thoughts lead to “at what or at who’s expense?  i simply could not bear to be alienated from my family and fear that by “coming out” i would do exactly that.

So, after sleeping soundly, i awoke somewhat troubled.  i pulled on a tracksuit over my PJ’s and went and made some tea and kept them on all morning while i waited for my business partner and flat mate to head out for lunch, wishing all the time he would get a move on so i could dress properly.  i spent the morning working but did catch Goddess Joyce on line.  Still no move from baby Vincent but Goddess is fine and did give me some errands to run for Her so i did finally pull on some male outer clothes over my PJ’s and slip out to the shops for Her.

When i returned, i still did not have the office/apartment to myself and there was a strong smell of something having been burned.  My associate, not known for his culinary skills, had decided to cook himself lunch and managed to boil a pan of vegetables dry and burn them, ruining the pan in the process and pervading the whole building with the smell of burnt offerings!  At least this meant that he would go out for lunch, finally, leaving me to slip into fully “en femme” and prepare my own lunch.  i stayed in my PJ’s but slipped into a pair of white flat heeled open toed shoes while i was cooking, pulled an apron over my PJ’s, slipped on my wig, a little make up and some jewelery and i was set.  Gin and tonic while i cooked and a glass of red wine washed down a lovely roast boned leg of lamb with roast potatoes, creamed mushrooms, beans and carrots, all with a delicious gravy made from the juices of the lamb.  i cooked enough for another meal tomorrow and then there will still be enough meat left for a sort of hot pot or hash after that.

After clearing things away and washing dishes, i relaxed with a coffee and watched some tennis on TV before returning to my room to carry on with some administration work which took me well into the evening.  i put on my new shoes again to keep working them in.  i just adore stiletto heels and ankle straps and these are nothing if they are not strappy.  What i like about the ankle straps is that they tighten as my leg angles forward, restricting how far back i can let my legs go as i walk forward.  As a result, i am forced to make my steps quite short and mince along very daintily.

Later this evening, Goddess Joyce came back online and we chatted some more.  i was unable to get the particular wine She requires from the local stores so need to go to a specialist wine store tomorrow.  i also need to find some raspberry leaf tea for Her, it is apparently good to drink when in labour!  i have a couple of ideas where i might find some but it is not an everyday item!

So, at that, it’s bedtime and i shall be wearing my new PJ’s again.  i wonder whether tonight i will have the same dream…………………………….

Saturday November 21st 2009 – Sweet dreams, “femme” reality and D/s lifestlye debate

And sweet dreams they were!  So sweet in fact that i woke early and extremely horny.  i lay on my back in bed and felt an intense longing both physical and emotional.  It was like withdrawal symptoms i guess.  my body was crying out to be used, my nipples were hard and proudly jutting through my pink satin PJ’s and i could not resist playing with them even though i know that Mistress Ana would not approve and that i shall be punished for having done so.  Of course, this made my physical arousal all the more intense but try as i might, playing with my nipples myself does not bring me to an orgasm.  It is not the same as when Mistress Ana does it obviously and the more i think of Her the more i miss Her and the more my nipples and indeed my whole body aches.  And so, i did not linger long.  Knowing that touching my nipples would only add to my fruitless arousal, i climbed out of bed and took myself off to the bathroom, but not for a cold shower!

No, this morning was hair removal morning.  i went over my whole body with the No-No, or at least those parts that i can reach.  i did my face again for i am determined now to try and gradually kill off my facial hair.  i am under no illusion that this will take a long time but all the better then to start now.  After the No-No, i shaved my face and then decided to run the razor over the rest of my body too for the No-No does not get all of the hairs.  The result was a very smoothly shaven roxie indeed!  Next, i showered and exfoliated vigorously.  Oh what heaven it was in the hot stinging shower with my freshly shaved body all pink and tingling by the time i had finished.  After toweling myself dry, i began applying body lotion all over.  The door to my room was closed but it did not stop my business partner from just walking in unannounced.  i don’t know who was the more surprised or embarrassed, him from seeing me naked or me from not being sure whether or not he saw the CB-2000 before i grabbed a towel or whether he noticed i was hairless or perhaps even noticed the bra and panties that were still draped over the chair from yesterday!  i pulled a towel quickly around my waist as my partner announced he would be gone for the day.  i was delighted to hear this and tried my level best to show no embarrassment or discomfort as i wished him a great day with his lady friend.

After he left, i finished applying moisturiser to my face and hands and then dressed entirely “en femme.”  i applied make up, put on my wig and dressed in the same purple bra as yesterday and clean purple lace panties.  i chose a summery dress to wear and then put on a little jewelery, a lovely lapis lazuli and silver necklace and my ladies watch which i discovered in my jewelery bag after all.  i chose a pair of 4″ stiletto heels in a maroon colour that matched the dress and for which i had a matching handbag and then, putting money in the handbag, decided to go out shopping.  First i went to the supermarket to get a few items i needed for lunch today and tomorrow.  Just fresh vegetables really but it felt terrific to be outside in the fresh air, my newly depilated legs cooled by the breeze.  i attracted no attention as i shopped, at least none that i noticed, and the girl at the checkout certainly gave me no second glance.

i walked by to the office/apartment and left the groceries and then went out again.  This time i caught a cab which took me down to Miraflores.  i wanted to just wander around the shops, not looking for anything in particular other than a bargain perhaps.  And i found two!  First, i found a pair of gorgeous sandals in  beautiful dark pink or cerise colour.  It is rare to find shoes my size here in Peru because most Peruvians are small.  But, there they were!  My size, the last pair and on sale for just 50 Peruvian Soles (about $18).  i simply couldn’t resist.  i know i am supposed to seek Mistresss Ana’s permission before i buy such things but they might have gone by the time i returned with permission and so i tried them, found they fit and bought them.  You can see them below as well as how well the match the dress i wore today.

The real look of today showing the new shoes

Gorgeous colour plus 4″ heels, ankle strap and no platform

Gorgeous colour plus 4″ heels, ankle strap and no platform

Gorgeous colour plus 4″ heels, ankle strap and no platform

red with black polka dot satin baby doll pyjamas

snake skin pattern satin baby doll pyjamas

But then there was a second bargain!  i wandered into the lingerie department of Falabella (a big department store) and found that they had two-piece satin baby-doll pyjama sets selling for just 30 soles ($10) so i bought two sets, one in red with black dots and the other a sort of snake-skin pattern with white lace trim as you can see.

Satisfied at this, i returned to the office/apartment, eager to try on the pyjamas and shoes.  All fit beautifully and i am so in love with the shoes, i still have them on now as i write, close to the end of the day.  Yes, it is late now, and my business partner has not yet returned but will do soon so i had best either look as if i am already in bed and asleep or change back into male mode.  i think i will go for the former and wear one of my new pyjama sets.  Oh what a wonderful all feminine day i have had.

Oh, one last thing, this evening Lady Dynah was online and we chatted for about an hour.  It was good to have a long chat with Her again, especially on video cam.  She has cut Her hair shorter which suits Her and makes Her look younger in my opinion.  We chatted about my business plans and opportunities perhaps for some of Her friends to invest and then moved on to some of the doubts that She has about the D/s lifestyle and reconciling it with Her strong Christian beliefs.  This is not a new discussion between us and i maintain that as long as both Domme and sub are consenting then each is doing the other a service and so it cannot be a sin.  But is it fornication?  While fornication is considered a sin, then any sexual activity, even within marriage, that is not aimed at procreation would also be a sin and we accept contraception so why should a strong D/s relationship be any different?  Both the Domme and the sub have a need and each satisfies that need in the other so it is a sort of symbiosis, a mutual benefit that does no one any harm and does the individuals a lot of good in satisfying innate physical and emotional needs.  As ever, we parted with Lady Dynah in agreement but then it is Sunday tomorrow and that might just see those doubts return.

No contact today with Goddess Joyce.  i had expected to get a phone call with instructions to go to the farmers market for Her but nothing.  i tried phoning Her but got no response so maybe baby Vincent is arriving or has arrived.  i will call again tomorrow.

Friday November 20th 2009 – thoughts on shaving my beard

This morning i decided to defer my usual depilation, exfoliation and moisturisation day until tomorrow.  When at home, i do this on Tuesdays and Fridays because those are the mornings when my wife is out of the house very early which means i have the bathroom entirely to myself and can go about the process without Her knowing.  In Lima, i prefer to do it on Saturdays and Wednesdays.  Saturdays because it being the weekend means i can take my time over it and Wednesdays simply because i need to do this twice a week to keep on top of things.  i really dislike being hairy and it is so nice to be in Lima and not have to wear my beard.  i dislike shaving also though so there is my dilemma!  i hate my beard but i hate shaving – i can’t win.  i might though.  This morning, i needed to shave my face at least and decided to first give it a try with the No-No.  i was not sure it would work there with the beard being such coarse hair but it seemed to work well.  It didn’t remove all of the hair but i could tell from the continual smell of burning hair that at least some hair was receiving the treatment.  i then shaved normally afterward and had the smoothest finish in a long time.  With luck, using the No-No will discourage regrowth and over time i may reach the point where the beard growth is so weak my wife is happy to allow me to leave it off permanently and the need to shave will not be as frequent either.

i chose to wear a purple satin bra with a cute bow in the centre of the cleavage and a matching purple satin thong under my male clothes today.  Surprisingly, although narrow, the thong actually fits over the CB-2000 chastity device quite well and rarely slides off to leave the cock cage outside of my underwear.   Some of the lace panties i have are wider in that area and might be expected to accommodate the cock cage more easily but they tend to slide off to the side and can become quite uncomfortable.

Today was catch up with people day.  i am more or less on top of work now and so called a few friends to see what might be happening and to tee up meetings for next week to try and win some business.  i was quite relieved that nothing much was happening over the weekend because i desperately want to spend time totally “en femme” and am half expecting to have to run some errands for Goddess Joyce over the weekend.

This evening, once again, as soon as my office staff left and my business partner went out for the evening, i threw off my male clothes and slipped into a short brown pleated mini skirt and pink top that both go well with the shoes Mistress Ana brought me from Thailand.  i put the shoes on and my long red wig and a touch of make up and i was set to relax, cooking myself a nice meal of pan seared salmon and a garden salad, washed down with an Australian shiraz.

Once fed, i curled up in my room with my book which i finished before going to bed for a change rather than falling asleep with it.  i was tired though by this time and so slipped into my pink striped sating PJ’s and went to bed where i drifted off to sleep once again fantasising of how life would be were i collared and enslaved 24/7 to Mistress Ana, permanently “en femme” and ever at Her beck and call; wouldn’t it be wonderful!  Such sweet dreams……………………………

Thursday November 19th 2009 – Virtually dressed and in love with shoes

That feminine feeling lasted through the night and i woke this morning feeling very sexy in my pink satin PJ’s and also very horny.  i knew of course that while being sexually aroused felt good, it was not going to lead to anything.  My cock pressed against the CB-2000 cock cage chastity device reminded me of that.  It was not a painful or uncomfortable pressing for i cannot get really hard but it was enough pressure to feel good and to remind me that that was as good as it was going to get.  i lay on my back in bed, luxuriating for a moment in my feminine nightwear and couldn’t resist running my hands up over my breasts and feeling the cool sating against my nipples.  This of course increased my arousal and had me thinking of Mistress Ana and imagining, as i lay there with my eyes closed, that they were Her fingers toying with my nipples.  It was not the same though and, knowing that this was only going to lead to frustration, i quickly got out of bed and headed for the shower.

Choosing clothes to wear from my limited travel wardrobe was quite easy for i still have to wear my male outer clothes over my feminine underwear on work days.  However, this morning, before dressing myself, i went online to “My Virtual Model” and dressed virtually in clothes that i might choose for a day in the office.  This is fun and as close to the real thing as i can get.  The website offers an extensive wardrobe, far bigger than i could ever afford, so i can try on a range of things and have something new every day.  i have of course been using this site for a while and linking my looks created there to my gravatar here, but it was such fun this morning deciding what to wear as if it were real that i think i shall try to do it every day, time permitting.  That finished, i chose the same silver grey satin bra as yesterday but clean silver grey lace panties to go with it under my male clothes.

Work was work and i was busy all day but did find some time to check out some of my favourite websites like “A girl’s guide to shoes.” i love the choices of shoes that Stacy shows on this site and today was no exception and i fell in love with the pairs shown below.  Oh that i could just go out and buy such shoes!  i just love anything with an ankle strap and high stiletto heels.  The higher the heel the better and preferably with no platform, hidden or otherwise!

Gorgeous colour and with ankle strap AND bow!

Classic pump with peeptoe and a very feminine bow

No opportunities to chat with Mistress Ana today so i am wondering how She went with Her exam.  my fingers are still crossed!  i did speak to Goddess Joyce on the phone though.  Baby Vincent has still not arrived and it may be that he will arrive on the same day as m birthday, November 25th!  Goddess has invited me to join them for Thanksgiving, provided of course baby Vincent doesn’t interfere with the plans, so i shall look forward to that.  No doubt too, Goddess will have some errands for me to run or some chores in the meantime.

This evening, i had a late business meeting in the office with my partners and so there was no opportunity to dress fully “en femme” apart from at bedtime when i slipped back into my pink striped satin PJ’s once more.

Wednesday November 18th 2009 – Back to the feminine me

How nice to be able to get up in the morning having slept in my pink striped satin pyjamas, then go to the bathroom, remove my beard, depilate using my No-No, exfoliate in a stinging hot shower, towel dry and then moisturise all over with body lotion and then face and hand creams, splash on some perfume and then slip into silver grey satin bra and matching panties and feel oh so very feminine!  Sadly, the downside was that i still had to wear male outer clothes for the day in the office but while at my desk i was at least able to wear my pink, grey and brown sling back heels that Mistress Ana brought me from Thailand.  It was all very busy at work and the day just flew by.  i managed to catch Mistress Ana online for a brief chat which was lovely.  She was up late studying for an exam so i have my fingers crossed for Her.  It seems that Lucy is still very much on Her mind.  Mistress does not want to see his marriage break up and is insisting that he continues to try and reconcile things with his wife.  Mistress will not be seeing him for a while.

i understand entirely where Mistress is coming from and fully support Her in trying to keep Lucy and his wife together.  But the issue sets me to thinking what if…….?  It could be me that is in Lucy’s position if my wife were to find out that i was serving Mistress Ana.  She knows of my cross dressing but turns a blind eye most of the time.  She also knows that i am submissive and i am sure that She knows that i serve others but She does not want to be presented with the evidence so as long as i remain discrete She lets me be.  However, things could always change.  Who knows what straw might just break the donkey’s back?  i dreamed the other night of my wife discovering the CB-2000 chastity device and my embarrassment as i tried to explain about it.  i have in mind an answer but would She accept it?  Who knows?  Every married sub dreams that in such a situation the wife would simply say right, that’s it.  If that is what you want we can start right now……..and the wife take control of Her husband and enslaves him and, in my case, continues with my feminisation.  But would it happen like that?  In Lucy’s case it appears not.  In my case, where i to be discovered once more, would my wife say enough is enough and take control?  i honestly doubt it.  Would She allow me to continue in service to Mistress Ana while remaining married to Her, i doubt that also.  i can only do my best to ensure that the situation never arises.

This evening, once everyone had left the office and my business partner had gone out to dinner, i slipped into a brown crinkle calf length skirt and a pink short sleeved top, pulled on my long red wig, applied a little lipstick and mascara and then went to the kitchen and prepared myself dinner. It felt so good to be fully “en femme” moving about the kitchen, a glass of gin and tonic to one side while i cooked and then to sit down with dinner and a glass of red wine, relaxing and feeling my true self.  i cleared the dishes and washed up before returning to my room where i relaxed further, catching up on some reading and listening to some music albeit with one ear on the apartment door in case my business partner returned early.  i was still feeling tired from my journey and so at 10.00pm, i slipped into my pink striped satin PJ’s, climbed into bed and turned out the light feeling very feminine indeed.